Sunday, December 31, 2006


Sunday, December 31, 2006
So. It's New Year's Eve again. Damn, I swear this holiday hits far too often. I mean, I love the Fromage specials, and the 'Top 200 Videos of the 2000s' possibly more than the next girl- I'm a trivia junkie (As was made completely evident when I swept, tromped, and triumphed over the rest of the Baileys in 4 consecutive games of Scene It...). But I sort of hate the "BEST PARTY EVER!" mindset that so many fall for.

Look. It's near impossible to get a taxi. It's January, therefore, strappy sexy shoes and bare legs are a bad call. My favourite brunch places are likely to be closed tomorrow morning. Drinks are three times as much as they are any other night. Cover charges, which I generally refuse to pay, are inevitable.

The last time I went out to a bar on NYE, I woke up the next morning half dressed, in my living room, and found that I had somehow decided to make a peanut butter sandwich in the shower, which resulted in pb AND j smeared all over the tub and bathroom sink. Yikes. In previous years, I've broken high heels, stood in freezing cold wintery storms, and upchucked under a sofa and priceless antique silk quilt.

Last year, I spent the eve playing drinking games and eating fondue in Saskatoon with friends. This year, I'm spending the eve with more different friends, at what will likely be a fun but low-key party in a hotel suite rented to celebrate Kev's birthday. I'm excited, but not more excited than I am on any other weekend evening through the year...which I feel is the perfect set-up for a fun, stress-and-expectations free evening.

And I mean, if all else fails, I'll just get all kissyface with...myself?

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Happy Bloggiversary!

Saturday, December 30, 2006
That's right, today marks one full year of blogging. I was in the shower earlier today, thinking about what I was going to write to celebrate this monumentous occasion. I thought about doing a year-in-review, or a best-of, or a lessons-learned. But I can't seem to muster the energy for any of those tired ideas, so I'll just let this day pass quietly, like a birthday ending in the digit 7 (no one really celebrates those, have you noticed? "Ooh, I'm 37. Whoop.")

Tomorrow I'll be back in Calgary, whooping it up legitimately at Kevin's XXX Birthday party. I'm ashamed to say that it took me a long time to figure out what the "XXX" meant- I never did that well with Roman Numerals.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Small Town Bars

Friday, December 29, 2006
Last night I ventured out into the mean streets of Eatonia to hit up the local watering hole with a few people I graduated from High School with. 4 of us showed up, which, when you consider that there was only 15 of us to begin with- pretty good odds. One of those individuals may or may not have been the boy I was desperately in luff with for six bloody angsty teen years- but am completely over now, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, I fluffed up my hair, put in some big hoop earrings, and headed to Gary's Place, or whatever the hell it's called now.

It used to be the Greek restaurant, where we'd go for dry ribs and 'coffee', but because I had yet to experience the caffiene highs and lows of first year university, that really meant diet coke. Then it was closed for awhile, until the real bar in Eatonia burnt down one fateful January night.

Anyway, this bar serves up your choice of Pilsner: Premium or Regular. Unsure of the options, I went with Regular- I didn't want to seem all uppity and citified. It does, for the record, still taste like the warm urine of horses.

The locals have that charm that comes with expressions like "I seen your new truck in the ditch by the river" and "your old lady let you out of the house tonight?". Also charming was the gentleman who complimented me on my 'rack', and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride in his truck. I declined, as I went to school with his wife/babymama.

Well, that's all that's fit to print about my harrowing night on the town in the Skatch. I'm praying for a return to Original Joe's or Rembrants in Calgary, where the Rickards Red and Strongbow flow freely from taps and I don't have to worry about being hit on by a relative.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

So quiet...

Thursday, December 28, 2006
There is no place I can imagine that is darker at night than rural Saskatchewan. Maybe the upper parts of northern Canada, but then you have the Northern Lights to deal with, and then moon reflecting off the tundra, and all sorts of other poetic notions. Or maybe Siberia, or uninhabitated inner regions of the rain forest. But for my money, the still of Saskatchewan around midnight is both peaceful and eerie.

Last night I was driving back to my Mom and Dad's house. I'd gone out to my friend's farm to visit after dinner, and it wasn't snowing in Eatonia yet, so the roads were pretty clear. Candice and I ate cheezies and listened to Cat Stevens and talked smack about the people we grew up with (mostly loving smack, but smack nonetheless) and discussed polyamoury. Typical Tuesday night chatter in Nowheresville, SK.

When it was time to go home, I cranked up the Morrissey on my dad's car stereo, turned on the highbeams and set off on the gravel road. It's about 8 miles to town, give or take, and there was not a single car on the entire stretch of road. I'm so used to driving on Calgary's overcrowded, orangey haze streets that it was beyond creepy. All of the stories I remember hearing and telling about ghostly women in white on the side of the road, and dead farmers from the 1930s came slamming back... I think I checked the backseat twice, and finally turned the music up so loud I couldn't hear myself think.

The only other place that is darker and quieter is the guest bedroom in my parents' basement. I think I've got myself so spooked that I'll be sleeping in the living room with the lights on for the rest of the week.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Day after Boxing Day Post

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Still lounging. Getting used to the concept of moving from horizontal position and no longer eating massive amounts of sweet and savoury treats (and wild africa liqueur). Heading back to Eatonia today. Disliking proper sentence structure.

Abbey hopes you had as great a Christmas as she did. Did you get a cute sweater, too?

Monday, December 25, 2006

Happy Holidays!

Monday, December 25, 2006
Whatever one you celebrate, I hope you have a warm and safe holiday!

I'm going back to lounging beside a massive pile of prezzies, waiting for turkey. Mmm...turkey.

Friday, December 22, 2006


Friday, December 22, 2006
Let it be known....

Alan F. makes the BEST. MIX. CDs. EVER.

that is all. happy friday, I'm off to see Moby Dick, the Musical.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

So Much For A Career in Modelling!

Thursday, December 21, 2006
Derek Zoolander I am not...

This is a lovely photo taken for my convocation a few weeks ago. Clearly, when Mom prints this in the Kindersley Clarion, the people I grew up around will only have the following to say:

"Well. There's that Megan Bailey. She looks rather bloated, and her hair's quite limp, dontcha think?"

I spend 4 and a half bloody years trying to prove to myself and everyone else that you can take the country out of the girl, and when it comes down to photographic proof, I look like I'm having the worst hair year of my life, when in reality I had spent almost TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS on a haircut the week before.

I think you can actually see the heartbreak in those eyes.

Sorry, Mom. Your daughter is many things, but photogenic, she is not.

Oh, and here's one with the hat.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

What Kind Of Crazy?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately- especially the blogs of single women. Crawling through the blogosphere, I've found that reading the guts of strangers can be quite the entertaining way to spend a lunch hour, sanity break, or evening home alone. I've also found that I am perhaps not as crazy as I initially thought.

Now, I'm pretty nuts. This I know. Anyone who refers to herself in the third person as "Meganude", frequently makes sounds that sound like the Xena Warrior Princess Battle Cry, and is willing (and excited!) to sit through many hours of Doogie Howser, MD on DVD has to be a little off in the head. However, as a single girl, while I frequently lament and whine and bitch, and call my friends to 'talk me down from my crazy', I think I keep it pretty reeled in.

I manage to supress the urge to send angry emails. I don't go to the taxidermist, pick out a stuffed, dead animal and fedex it to the office of the guy that I feel wronged me. I don't do drive-bys, I don't call and hang up at 4 in the morning, and I haven't thrown rotting produce at anyone's condo. That doesn't mean I don't occasionally want to do those things, but I just don't. I don't do sobbing phone calls to ex boyfriends, , nor do I stalk through the interwebs their new ladyfriends.

So, I can't help but wonder- what kind of crazy am I, and would being the crazy mentioned above make for more interesting bloggging?

Just something to think about as the megablog nears its first birthday.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Following Post May Be Slightly Parent-Inappropriate

Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Don't you just love it when the person behind you at the checkout in Safeway is so incredibly obnoxious that you just want to turn around, shoot them a withering stare, and smack them for insinuating that you are going home to eat frozen lasagna, read marie claire and watch sex and the city in your sweats, regardless of whether that is in fact the proposed itinerary for the evening?!

It's been a long freaking week already. It's but Tuesday. When faced with an outrageously chachi (not Joanie Loves, but obnoxious, becologned, hair-gelled asshole) dude behind me in line making what he thinks are the wittiest cracks in years starts putting down his groceries, one can't help but glance. When Mr. WiseAss puts down a box of Magnums and winks, the ONLY thing I could do was look him up and down, smirk, and ask,

"Do you always do your roommate's shopping?"

Mistaken Identity

Frequently, I find myself out and about and 'recognized' by strangers. More often than not, these people think I'm their boyfriend's cousin, or their best friend from highschool's sister, or someone they worked with in university, or a random Old Navy employee. Alas and Alack, I am usually not. I have determined that I must have, at any given time, about 15 world-wide doppelgangers. It happens so often that I've decided to alternate between giving blank stares, playing along, and offering a chipper smiling apology.

On a similar note, when I bump into people I've actually met, they never (well, hardly ever) recognize or remember me. Therefore, I must look really familiar and not familiar at all at the same time. Weird.

Anyway, I swear this had a point.

Last night while doing some Christmas Shopping at Chapters, the girl who was ringing in my purchases asked me, "Oh! Are you Lorne's Megan?"

No, lady, I am currently No-one's-but-my-own Megan. I stared blankly, picked up my bag and left.

I started my car, drove down the street, and realized that she said Lauren, not Lorne, and that yes, I knew her, and I guess I would be, by her definition, Lauren's Megan.


Sunday, December 17, 2006

Ladies' Night

Sunday, December 17, 2006
Saturday night found me party hopping, once again. I tell you, dear bloggers, that if I have to strap myself into a pushup bra and cocktail dress and subject my feet to the torment that is strappy high heels ONE MORE TIME before we enter the glorious year of 2007, I might go bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Anyway. So after I met the Rose Crew at the Kilkenny, I headed home to change out of my cheeky tshirt and jeans and into the aforementioned holiday getup. Dear Angie from Olds came down, and we headed out on the town, as only two gals in their early twenties can do, ignoring the frigid temperatures and throwing caution (and pantyhose-wearing-conventions) to the wind. Sensibility be damned, we're going to have fun tonight!

Unfortunately, our plan to Martini Crawl down Stephen Avenue, from Urban Hotspot to Shi-Shi Cocktail Bar was foiled by an abundance of "Closed, Private Party" signs.

We settled in at one of the few open restaurant-lounges downtown, revelling in our sparkly eyeshadow and tiny impractical handbags. Much to my luck (as Dear Angie is in one of those old-school monogamous committed relationships), seated at the table next to us were two very attractive dudes. Two attractive dudes wearing the same sweater, but you can't win 'em all, you know?

Attractive Dude Number One (ADNO) glances over. My bellini arrives. ADNO glances over again. We make eye contact. My second bellini arrives. ADNO continues to gaze in my direction. Coyly, I continue peeking at him over the rim of my martini glass. Attractive Dude Number Two looks over. Both dudes look over. More eye contact, more bellinis, more eyelash batting, and I can't really handle any more of this. I subtly smile, and start to slide off my barstool, determined to go talk to the dudes. I glance back over my shoulder to check my reflection in the glass windows.

It is then that I realize that the tv, playing the Leafs game, is located directly above my head. No WONDER they were so captivated.

Friday, December 15, 2006

You're Only As Old As The Music You Listen To...

Friday, December 15, 2006
Happy Birthday, DAD!

Early Resolutions

I'm a little early here, but bear with me.

Next year, I resolve to entertain in my own home at least once.

Next year, I resolve to finally start putting the stack of business cards in my desk drawer in a rolodex (which would be a stellar xmas present for the Megan if someone out there is still looking...)

Next year, I resolve to try to limit my nervous laughter in social situations that might involve interaction with people I will see again. No one likes the weird girl in the corner who can't stop the awkward, high-pitched giggle.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Ow! My Whole Being Hurts!

Thursday, December 14, 2006
Further Evidence That I'm Actually Becoming My Mother, or, Party Lessons Learned

1. I steer clear of the chocolate fountain and head directly towards the red wine bar.
2. Although delectable, Appetizers don't actually count as dinner. Neither do the calories, as they are consumed standing up.
3. I blame my morning-after fuzzies not on the copious, aforementioned red wine consumption, nor the late night, but the heels I was wearing. Drinking in heels automatically results in thrice the morning-after hurt.
4. When in doubt, the best thing to do at a party where you know next to no one is to laugh loudly and pretend you're having the best. time. ever.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

You Schmooze, You...Lose?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006
It's 45 minutes until the BigCity Newspaper Christmas Party starts at the Palliser, and I'm sitting at my desk in hiking boots and jeans, aching for another coffee and a massive bottle of Advil.

Under my desk, rolled in a ball and stuffed into my large and weighty (shoulder dislocation in the near future could be a possibility) purse is my black all-purpose cocktail dress (I have several, actually- a girl can never have enough all-purpose cocktail dresses), some eye makeup, a sparkly lip gloss, and two pairs of black heels, because as of 8:32 this morning, the verdict was still out on open vs. closed-toe.

I do love getting dressed to party in the office bathroom.

Wish me luck- my horoscope actually says that today is a good day for 'schmoozing'...but does not warn me to stay away from the open bar.


Last night, I braved the mall and tried to start my Festivus shopping. It's a little-known MeganFact that I am a shopper of Olympic proportions. I can shop like Tiger Woods can golf, like Martha can decorate, and like Tom Cruise can alienate his fans. It's my ultimate mad skill.

But this year, it seems that I've run out of steam. The gifts on my list are for the people I love- but I've been loving the same people for upwards of two decades now. I've given every possible gift known to man. I'm totally out of ideas. I feel that if I wasn't so wrapped up in giving the penultimate gifts, this wouldn't be a problem...but the madwoman in me is hellbent on this Christmas being the best Christmas ever.

And so, I plead to you, Family of Mine, to remember that Christmas isn't all about the gifts. Particularly when you open the unimaginative, repetitive, frantic-last-minute-selected prezzies I place under the tree this year.

Oh, and if anyone has any ideas as to what I can buy my 16 year old male cousin Matthew, I'd love you forever if you'd tell me.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Mystery Textures!

Monday, December 11, 2006

What could this be?

I don't know, but whatever it is has toggles...

Sunday, December 10, 2006

It's Time To Light the Lights...

Sunday, December 10, 2006
What's going on at my house right now?

Lauren, Matt and I are watching The Muppet Show on DVD. Seriously, there is no better Sunday evening viewing. The only thing that would make this better is if Christopher Walken was the guest host.

Oh man. Christopher Walken. Hilarity would ensue.

Friday, December 08, 2006


Friday, December 08, 2006
Blechk, I feel like my head is full of elephants. I only had one coffee today, and that could be to blame- so could the lack of breakfast and my dangerously low blood sugar levels- but I think that I would be moving much faster if I didn't feel like my eyes were going to burst forth from their sockets.

I'm definitely going to need a disco nap before I head out on my circuit of festivities this evening.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Ebay Virgin

Thursday, December 07, 2006
So I admit it- I've never bought anything off ebay.

One would assume, with my natural, god-given, world-renowned shopping prowess, that I would have exhausted every imaginable shopping angle known to mankind.

But no. It seems so...foreign...and...cuthroat...and...frightening.

But I think it's worth a shot. Any tips?

Nicest Thing Ever!

The Captain of the Good Ship Insert Theatre Company Name Here just handed out the nicest thing.

One of our longtime subscribers has given each staff member here a Coop Grocery Gift Card. Mr. McGillvray, thank you so much! You just made the day of one very hungry Publicist!

It's Big, It's Hot, Why Doesn't It Kill Us All?

The sun is shining through my office window with such burning intensity that I can only liken it to the fever of Beatlemania, or my hatred for Duran Duran. It burns my eyes as it bounces off the slushy mess of a parking lot across the street. I constantly dress in layers, because while it's sunny warm now, by the time I leave for the day, it will be dark again and likely much colder.

While I'm sure that the Vitamin D I'm absorbing will, in fact, help combat the Seasonal Affective Disorder I so often succumb to every winter, I doubt that it will do much to help the fact that the sweet, sweet caffeine I'm hugely addicted to that makes it possible for me to exist for the entire duration of a work day apparently causes major depression and anxiety. (I read it in the Herald, it must be true...)

Damned if I do, and Damned if I don't.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

What Do I Know, Anyway?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
That is apparently the question.

I had a big ranty post worked up...and then realized that it's just not worth it.

After all, what do I, Megan Bailey, know about theatre anyway?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Oh Crap! I'm a Grownup!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006
This could become a reoccuring series, much like what Kent's got going on over in Cairo.

The subject of my newly-adult angst? Christmas. I am truly excited, genuinely so, for the first time in years about the upcoming holiday. Probably because I don't have to leave my own space, don't have to worry about travelling far and wide, and because at this point, any food that is not prepared but eaten by me is a very, very good thing.

However, I was definitely out of the loop when it came to the actual monetary cost of christmas.

Christmas trees? Expensive.
Christmas lights? Expensive.
Office-appropriate Christmas Party Outfit? Expensive. (thanks, Mom!)
Hostess Gifts for the Holiday Parties? Free...thank god for homemade cookies!
Ingredients for Homemade Cookies? Expensive.
Christmas Cheer, of the Alkie Variety? Expensive.

dear lord.

Bailey Relatives, please forgive me...and don't expect much more than paper chains made from the yellow pages to be decorating my house.

Monday, December 04, 2006

I never thought I'd see the day...

Monday, December 04, 2006
Where I would actually miss the University Food Services cafeterias.

I spent far too much time in the Dining Centre and the Haskayne Cafeteria in the four long years I was at school. I complained bitterly about the limited choices, the less-than-appealing entrees, and the soggy, sad-excuse-for-a-sandwich selections offered to hungry students. (One thing I didn't complain about: Calzone night. Mmm, once-a-monthly calzones)

Little did I know that one day, in the not so distant future, I would actually long for a Chartwells' Hot Lunch Option. Not that I don't like the sandwiches they make downstairs at our friendly coffee shop, but sometimes, a girl just wants a hot lunch. OR a grilled cheese sandwich not made in a toaster.

Finally, I found a plus-15 accessible (meaning: no going outside!) cheap eats lunchspot. Hell-o, deli in the Calgary Tower building...

Almost as good a grilled-cheese-and-ham as served that fateful night at the Husky House. Almost.

And, in my trek, I found a 'secret cafeteria', serving- lo and behold!- the same Chartwells menu I grew to loathe, then became sentimental about.

Days when I forget my lunch just got a lot better.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

My Week in Photos

Sunday, December 03, 2006
Pictures I took this week:
From the Casserole Club Christmas Swap...I took White Chocolate Cranberry Cookies, and ate far too many delish appies.

Breanne and I took a long lunch and got pedicures at the Urban Venus Nail Bar...they have about 20 different scents of lotion to choose from. I picked the ubiquitous, yet seasonally appropriate cranberry, Breanne went with strawberry. Did I mention that we picked the coldest day of the week to walk around outside in flip-flops?

Ice skaters on Olympic Plaza at 5:02pm on Thursday night, right in front of where I work...winter perfection.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Instant, Yet Frequently Inaccurate Reference

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

this post lacks a title

Wednesday, November 29, 2006
I'd really like to be a creative person. Not creative imaginative, but creative artistic. However, I hold on to this inane notion that those who create must either be talented, or believe that they are talented. I currently fall into neither of the aforementioned categories. Sure, I dabble in clay and yarn and marginalia doodling and occasionally pull out a solid jazz hand.

But I don't write. I don't dance. I don't paint. I don't sing, or act (anymore), or direct. I've tried, and fortunately I believe that not succeeding in artistic ambitions does not equal failing, but it gets frustrating. I keep trying to start writing...but then I lose faith in myself and what I'm producing and the questionable originality of it all.

After all, who wants to read an offensively navel-gazing tome about an angsty 20something working for pennies and screwing up in love and life?

that's what blogs are for.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Politically Conflicted

Tuesday, November 28, 2006
As some Albertans may know (ew. I think that was the first time I referred to myself as an "Albertan"), the provincial leadership vote fast approaches. To vote for the head of the Conservative party, who will without a shade of doubt become the next Premier of the province, one has to be a member of the conservative party.

This means shelling out $5 for a membership, and selling out completely if you disagree with the PC's. I'm really conflicted- one of the dudes in the running promises to increase support to the Arts- the industry in which I am employed, and where my passions really lie- and every vote would make a difference.

But to vote, one has to buy a membership. Thusly going against all I stand for. For the love of lawnchairs, I once ended a relationship because the other party was a to-the-core, absolute Conservative.

What to do? Sell out and make my priorities heard- or don't, and stick with what I believe in?

Monday, November 27, 2006

The World Needs More YouTube

Monday, November 27, 2006
Actually, what world needs more of is Romanian Pop Stars. They fly their own planes! And dance on the wings!

Good luck getting that song out of your head.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Mad Skillz

Friday, November 24, 2006
I spend my days talking about things that other people do well. It's pretty easy for all of us to identify the things our friends, family members, and co-workers do well: One of my friends is a fantastic dancer, my aunt makes great cheesecake, my Dad a guitar wizard, my coworker has the keenest eye for detail I've ever seen. What's more difficult? Identifying what we, ourselves, do well.

Therefore, I challenge all you regular bloggers- even those of you who seem to have lost the blog-spirit (Laurel, Carmens, Erin, Kirsten...hint!) to list at least one thing you think you are particularly good at.

I'll start.

Frying eggs.

C'mon, humour me! I need something to read...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Wheat Kings, and Pretty Things

Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Okay. For the OFFICIAL Record. I hate the Tragically Hip. Breanne and I were discussing just today the secret shame of disliking Canadian rockers such as the Hip and Nickleback. Heaven forbid one voice their preference to not listen to the ear-numbing angry hick-rock and naggingly waxing-poetic blathering of these Canuck musicians!

But I hate the Hip.

I have to say, however, that their newest single, "In View", is pretty catchy. And get-stuck-in-my-headable. Therefore, I downloaded it. And, that song about David Milgaard, too. Because c'mon, it's got loons in it. And I do love me some loons.

The actual purpose of this post was to brag about my mad html-teaching skills. I taught Snowflake and Senor Ping over there to the Right Hand sidebar to add a new link to their blog template last night- over the phone. Props to them for blogging, and props to us for figuring it out.

This does not mean, Bre, that I will do the coding for the website. Just wanted to make that clear.

Monday, November 20, 2006


Monday, November 20, 2006
So tonight I'm attending a special advance screening of the movie Dreamgirls, a month before it is released. Reviews are embargoed until late December, so I don't know if I'll be able to legally comment here, but I'm sort of excited- Beyonce, enough sequins to smother a drag queen, Motown, Jamie Foxx? What more could a girl want?

Popcorn. Or a grilled cheese sandy. I'll never forget the epic grilled ham and cheese sandwich I ate in late August at the all-night Husky House following the Catties. I could go for one of those sandies right now.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Listening Too Long, To One Song...

Sunday, November 19, 2006
Ever feel like your life is playing out in loop? That you keep making the same choices, saying the same things, meeting the same people? Like perpetual déja vu?

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why I keep making variations of the same damn mistakes. Why am I not learning from my experiences? How many times do I have to tell myself so? When is it going to sink in?!

It doesn't really matter what it is, use your own imagination and experience and make it your own, but just let me make the following statement:

I am never dating again.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Freezer Burnt

Thursday, November 16, 2006
Last night, I strolled home in the balmy chinook weather, with no agenda and no plans other than an intimate evening at home with the four food groups. I lit a few candles, put on the HiFi, slipped into something more comfortable (yes, fuzzy slippers are pretty damn comfortable). I started making dinner, when I realized that the chicken I was using was freezer burnt beyond all repair.

So were the 3 beautiful steaks I had. And the ground beef. And the edamame.

Damn you, modern technology! Grandma's icebox never would have betrayed me in such a horrible way!

My evening at home with a satisfying meal obviously ruined, I turned to the solace of McDreamy Patrick Dempsey, on a 13 inch screen. Plain pasta and steamed veggies do nothing to fill the void.

sigh. le depressing.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Most Expensive Piece of Paper I Own

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Check it out!

I'm legit!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Jon-ologue.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I really think you should read this.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Sudden Outbursts of Rage

Monday, November 13, 2006
You can't predict when it will happen.

You could be driving in your car, down crowchild trail. You could be standing in line at the grocery store. Or on hold with the cable company. Maybe even commuting to work on the train.

It sneaks in, creeping through the dark corners of your mind. Slowly, maybe, with a subtle hint of the horror to come. The next thing you know, you're hurling cans of chunky chicken noodle soup across the produce section; swerving through traffic, frantically pushing buttons! You slam the phone down, cursing, holding the sides of your head, muttering to yourself words that shouldn't be heard in polite company! You want to turn around, screaming, as people on the bus try not to make eye contact while they stare and whisper to their coworkers.

Hungry Like A Wolf. It never goes away. Never. Lurking around every corner is horrific memories of the atrocity that was That Theatrical Experience, The Duran Duran Rock Opera.

Damn you, Duran Duran. Damn you.

Friday, November 10, 2006

War Games

Friday, November 10, 2006
Whoa. WHOA. I just found out that they are making a sequel to the classic film, War Games. Called War Games 2.

I am so psyched, despite a complete lack of originality in movie titles. This ranks up there with the Jon and Amanda produced 4th project in the Fast and Furious franchise, "Slow and Sort of Angry: Calgary Drift". So very excited.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Tomorrow's Arty Projects

Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Things to make at pottery tomorrow:

One mug that says, "I TOLD YOU SO", to remind me that the advice of others is often, in fact, the voice of reason and logic and that I should listen not to the neurotic voice chirping in the back of my brain but to the sensical, sage words coming from the loved and trusted.

One mug that says, "Hey, Pottery Instructor, How's About You And Me?"

Something nice that might actually be of giftable quality. That's right, my pottery skills have advanced, almost to the mad pottin' skillz of Lady Rose. But not quite.

well, I'm out of blog materials, and I've still got 4 minutes on this ridiculous face mask to waste. Damn, how we suffer for beauty.

Starbucks Secrets...

Okay, so this morning, I finally took Breanne's advice and ordered a Vanilla Earl Grey Tea Misto at our friendly local in the Mariott Starbucks. Shock! It was fantastic.

First, anything that's less than $3 for the venti size at ye ol' starbukus is a good thing in my books. I was starting to get particularly irked at my $6 coffees...and trying to quit proved near impossible. Mind over matter, you say? Pregnant women do it all the time, you say? Plain coffee is the same thing, make it at home, you say?


Anyway, I found my budget bevvie. Happy day!

Monday, November 06, 2006

things I'm looking forward to, or, reasons not to end it all

Monday, November 06, 2006
I'm still getting over the hilarious genius of the Pajama Men In Fine Form playing in the Big Secret Theatre. Seriously. I beseech you. GO TO THIS PLAY. You have 5 days left to catch the fricking hilarity that will become secret inside jokes amongst those in the know forever.

Other theatrical ambitiousness I'm looking forward to this season:

Jihad Me at Hello, a fringe hit I missed because I was bitter and anti-fringey. Thank god for second chances...

Dough, The Politics of Martha Stewart Long-time blog readers will remember me gushing and then having a mini-quarter-life-crisis after seeing this show. I'm definitely up for round deux, to see if the show has grown or changed, and of course, to remind me why I burst out laughing every time I hear that Josh Grobin song.

Shear Madness at Vertigo.

The Rabbits' High Performance Rodeo, particularily that piece about Hockey Erotica, the name escapes me...Five Hole, maybe? I could check my arts guide, but I'm a lazy blogger.

I am also really looking forward to Christmas, this year spent in Calgary with the Baileys. I'm excited about my convocation, because I get to wear a ridiculous hat that looks equally ridiculous on everyone, not just me, because we all know I look absurd in hats... and, I'm pretty pumped to rub it in to Jon that the RIDERS WON ON SUNDAY.

And one more thing that keeps me from jumping off a cliff: Doogathon 2: Revenge of the Doog Season 2, which I think needs to occur soon, in honour of Neil Patrick Harris' coming out and all.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

A Song For November

Saturday, November 04, 2006
Last year, I made this iTunes playlist of sad, mopey, wintery songs. You know, the pre-christmas, i hate bing crosby and i wish he would go holly jolly straight to hell music. Lots of Ben Folds, Counting Crows, no Celine Dion in sight. I titled it A Song For November and it got a lot of play. Well, it's November again, and the playlist has returned for round deux. I'd like to update it, thought, so if you blogreaders have any suggestions, I'd muchly appreciate it.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Bloggers Anonymous

Friday, November 03, 2006
This is the downside of this blog being so linked to my real-life person. It was definitely my decision to have my full name and the details of my life visible, and I think it's pretty cool that if someone wants to google me, they can find these ranting rambles. I like being found. I try my best not to write things that will come back and bite me in the ass, I don't vent about people using their names, and I have yet to rant on and on about the minutiae that slowly drives me REALLY crazy- because I love my job and my friends and my apartment and reputation (well, what remains of it) and don't want to lose those things.

But the problem becomes quite apparent when I want to ramble on and on about the angst that drives my life. When I really want to cut into someone, but know I can't, because if that someone ever decides to play the procrastinator's favourite game of "I'm gonna google everyone I know! Including me!"...voila. Angsty tirade revealed. I can't go into intimate details about my 'ghost moment' last night, or the anger that is waiting for my phone to ring, or the fact that I can no longer listen to that song Comfortable because I have realized that I am playing the part of the less desirable ladyfriend, and have played it, many a time.

Oh wait. I just did rant angst about those things. Oh, well. Wounds heal faster if you don't cover them up and hide in starbucks all weekend, wishing you were dead. Right?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Guys. This is serious. If you're blogging in real-time, and have cable, quickly. QUICKLY! Turn to Much More Music in Canada.

Here's a quick rundown of the musical visual treat I'm experiencing...

Fame Eps: 048 - Fame Looks At Music '83
This musical retrospective features the cast of Fame together with special guest star Irene Cara and the "Fame" Dancers performing before capacity audiences in their first U.S. concert, for a special edition of MGM-TV's "Fame." Ms. Cara, who starred in and sang the Academy Award-winning title song from the movie, "Fame," is featured. Also included in the 1983 musical retrospective is a medley of best- loved motion picture songs as well as a special tribute to Michael Jackson. The concert was taped December 27, 1983 before a live audience at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium in Santa Monica, California.

Can everyone say Pat Benetar Glam-Rock Disco Karaoke?!



If it's not appropriate to test out all the ringtones your cell phone posesses on the bus or train (heads up, pretweens, it's NOT), it is SO not kosher to do it in the office. On that note, it's also SO WAY NOT COOL to have top 40 hits as your ringtone.

I'm going to go all Schlenker, of Econ 203, and dig that damn phone out of your bag that you were forced to leave at the front of Science Theatre 148 with all the other bags so you couldn't cheat during the midterm and answer it and tell your bff to f right off.


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Last Call for Happiness!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006
On the subject of musical choices in the workplace

I love music. I'm not about to claim that I have rocking great taste in music, but it's relatively diverse, and thanks to the upbringing influence of Senor Ping, I have a pretty solid knowlege of what is good and what isn't.

However. The jams I rock out to on my iPod (oh, so urban am I, what a hip sentence fragment!) are not appropriate for work. I'm not sure Breanne would so much appreciate 8 hours a day of Houses of the Holy or even the lovable sounds of the Beatles. Nor do I think the folks on the other side of my movable cube wall would appreciate Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson's cover of Personal Jesus blasted at 9am.

The true problem lies in the fact that I am the holder of the speakers. (And the window, but I share the natural light. I'm not like the office Grinch, at least not all the time) The musical selections I make during the day must not offend anyone, and have to be sort of backgroundy. Unfortunately, I think that someone might kill me if I bring in my newly aquired electronica minicollection, and I'd rather die than listen to the top 40 station. (WHO covers a Hall & Oates song and then does it all trampy-like?! Outraged!) My crappy burned cd stash of the Weakerthans, The New Pornographers, Ben Lee, Jack Johnson, and the soundtrack from the Zach Braff movies will have to do.

And so, at the ripe age of 22, 4 months out of school, I finally understand the question that has been boggling my mind since I discovered FM Radio...

Why the soft-rock station exists.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Life Insurance

Monday, October 30, 2006
Here's something that will make you feel better about yourself:

If I die tomorrow, my life insurance will pay out a whopping $60,000.

That's right, the sum total of my existence is approximately equal to the starting wage of most of my co-graduates.

I hate life.

Random Thoughts of Megan

I need a haircut.

In the past 3 months, I haven't been able to finish 50% of the books I've started. It's getting a little outrageous; it's like a pandemic of literary pickiness.

The Pyjama Men show over at OYR was hilarious. So hilarious that I originally spelt hilarious with two "L"s, lowercase of course, to emphasize the hilarity of it all.

Saskatchewan is better than Alberta because they didn't make me pay for healthcare. Of course, being a dependent, I didn't pay for anything.

Daylight savings time rocks because I get to sleep for an hour longer. It opposite of rocks because I'm hungry NOW, and it's an hour and a half until dinner. Damn.

Halloweenie-sized chocolate bars are, in fact, not an appropriate meal substitute. Especially now that I have to pay for my own damn health coverage.

Friday, October 27, 2006


Friday, October 27, 2006
Jon and Amanda:

I saw this, and thought of you.

I miss you.

Please come back.

Yours in Reality,


"It's Like the 60's. With Less Hope."

So goes a quote from the film Shortbus, released today.

Anyone who has read the paper or been exposed to the entertainment news would know that Shortbus is a film about sex. With unsimulated sex scenes.'s not a pornographic film, or so they say.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Art should push boundaries, make people react. But you know, if I wanted to sit in a dark room with a bunch of other people watching a movie with people doin' it for real...I think that need could be fufilled on weeknights at the Uptown Stage and Screen. Or, at that strange party I went to in Kananaskis Hall in my first year of uni, the one sponsored by the Young Liberals- The Paul Martin Kegger, I think it was.

I'm a little weirded out.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Megan T. Bailey, BComm, Master of Robin Hoodology

Wednesday, October 25, 2006
That's right. I just discovered, thanks to the wonders of Wikipedia, that the University of Nottingham will offer, starting in 2007, a Masters degree on the subject of Robin Hood. Mom, Dad, I might need you to cosign a(nother) loan- I believe that I have just found my life's true calling.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

200 Posts

Tuesday, October 24, 2006
There are a lot of things that terrify me. Not frighten me a little, or make me uncomfortably nervous, or a little sweaty. No, these things outright terrify me.

I'm terrified that tonight, I'll lose my voice. That I'll start to cry one day in my office. That all the things and places I've attached wonderful, warm memories to will wither with disappointment and lost trust. I'm terrified that 90% of the time, I sound like I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm terrified of my own death- not the dying part, but that I've always seemed to have a pretty clear notion of when and how it's going to happen. I'm terrified that tonight, when I go on stage after the play, the audience is going to take their hatred and disgust and shock and confusion out on me. I'm terrified that I'll trip when I cross the stage at my convocation. I'm terrified that I think I'm smarter than I actually am- and that everyone else knows it.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Incompetent people don't know they are incompetent, and other news

Thursday, October 19, 2006
THIS explains a hell of a lot.

I find it really awkward when, waiting at Starbucks (the one in the Mariott, that charges extra because it's in The Mariott) for my morning coffee, gabbing away at my coworker, and a guy that looks vaguely familiar walks by and says hi. Normal people might find this polite, but I'm stuck trying to figure out where and why he thinks he knows me from. Did we date? Did we have class together? Did I hit on you, drunkenly, at the Den in Fall Semester of 2003? Did we used to play together in the sandbox at the age of three?

I'll never know. The not knowing- it's the worst.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Is it just me...

Wednesday, October 18, 2006
or does everyone feel like they're running around like cheeckens with no heads?

and...Yay! New Pornographers show tonight! Yay! An age-appropriate, non-theatrical activity!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Trappings of a Good Evening

Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The following is all I really need to recover from a crappy Tuesday:

Red Wine
Instrumental, Ambient Background Music
Comfortable, Flat Shoes
Capital Letters
Penne with Vodka Cream Sauce (that I'm making myself)
Grey's Anatomy on Video
A Good Book On Deck

Sounds good, non?

Monday, October 16, 2006


Monday, October 16, 2006
I've been trying to write this damn blog post all day. The sad truth is this: I have nothing to say that is even marginally interesting without being bitter.

Again with the giving up of the coffee thing.

Moving right along, Trainspotting was...(I thought I had some internal blog policy about theatre...something about minor characters finding my criticism and ripping me to shreds...maybe I'll put in another elipsis for good measure...)

It was just too much for me. Kudos to the kind folks at Sage for being able to make me feel that uncomfortable, invaded, and violated.

Friday, October 13, 2006


Friday, October 13, 2006
It's Friday.


I'm sorry for the distinct lack of enthusiasm, but I've got a serious case of the Mondays. Which is problematic, because today is, in fact, Friday: the reason to keep slogging through the week, the light at the end of the tunnel, the Holy Grail, the very Chalice of Days. I should be oozing perky from the very centre of my being.

No such luck.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

Why My Office is Different

Thursday, October 12, 2006
Something you might not hear in every office...

"How do you spell bestiality?


My application for convocation from the University of Calgary has (finally) been approved. I'm getting my degree! It only took 5 months of agonizing, drawn out uncertainty while I waited, 'degree pending approval'! Oh, and 9 semesters and thousands of dollars. At least I already have a dress to wear to the damn thing.

On the continued upside, I finally get to make my dad sit through my convocation. I sat through his...and I'm pretty sure mine will not involve sweetgrass or dance circles. Charge the camera batteries, Snowflake.

And finally, in today's lame-to-the-max update, a glimmer of excitement. I'm going to see Trainspotting, the play, not the movie, on Saturday. You should check it out.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Desperately Waiting...

Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Is it 5:00 yet?

I'm really quite ready to go home. Tuesday, it appears, is very long. Tuesday after the long weekend? Very, very long.

I don't really have much excitment to report, except the flat tire we got on the way back to Calgary from flatskatchewan. Perhaps the only redeeming thing about travelling with a pack of post-adolescent young adult males is that they are forced, through gender expectations, to change flat tires when they occur. Leaving me free to stand outside in the bitter cold, middle-of-nowhere, no wind block in sight, barren prairie.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

The Best Thing I've Heard All Day

Saturday, October 07, 2006
So I'm here in Eatonia, enjoying a leisurely Hanksgiving Weekend (thaks, Mom) and all the food that comes with it. Last night, Lasagna, tonight, a NINE POUND Roast Beef, and tomorrow, the feast of feasts, a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. (Why do they call them trimmings? It's not like we've put garland and ornaments on the turkey, or fringe and sequins. But that would be really cool...)

There is a wedding in town this weekend, so most of the people I went to school with are home. I won't go into the fact that I wasn't invited, because to be honest, I wasn't friends with the bride or the groom, so why should they be forced to pay for me to attend their spectacle of an event? (They did look lovely, though- they live across the street, we have picture windows, you do the math) At any rate, we were discussing their blessed union this morning over brunch, and my brother, ever the snarky one in the family, said, "I can't believe she has the nerve to wear white!"

His friend Phil replied, "I KNOW. It's after Labour Day. "

Friday, October 06, 2006

Turkey Day is Fast Approaching!

Friday, October 06, 2006
I'm excited. I'm taking a half day today, so I can go home to Saskatchewan, back to El Rancho Doug and Lenore.

Exciting Events that may occur:

1 Spartans Football Game, at Eaton High
Multiple Awkward but welcome encounters with high school classmates
At least 2, maybe 3 solid, home-cooked meals (no pemmican!...i hope)
4 20 year old Boys, wreaking havoc on blessed Eatonia

I can't wait. I look forward to seeing the dog, the house, the turkey...

ooooh, the turkey.

In other news, my head hurts from staring at the pottery wheel. And trying not to blush when someone teased me.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Self-Inflicted Torture

Thursday, October 05, 2006
I've decided to try to cut my coffee habit.

This is not going well. I'm on day 6, and I find it difficult to function. Yesterday, I even deprived myself of my afternoon diet coke. Sweet, sweet diet coke. What was I thinking when I embarked on this?!

Here's my other question: why do I have to give up caffeinated bevvies? This was not inspired by doctor's orders, nor had the coffee shakes become so unbearable that making it through the day was an arduous journey. I just woke up on Saturday, decided that I'd had it with my dependence, and went cold-turkey.

This, in hindsight, is a poor life decision.

Expect me back on the sauce by Tuesday.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Wednesday, October 04, 2006
It's almost that time of day, the blessed hour I can escape my desk and run around in the sunshine (or the dank recesses of the lunchroom). Once again, I have neglected to bring lunch, so I guess I'll be venturing off into the great downtown area to find something to keep me going for the next 6 hours, because I just don't think advil and diet cola are cutting it. (Breakfast of champions, right after CornPops and Bacardi)

I'm pretty excited about upcoming Turkey Holiday. Mom, I know you read this, so please accept this as my formal request for 3-layer jello salad in autumnal colours.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Tuesday: Like Monday, but with Less Sympathy

Tuesday, October 03, 2006
No one feels bad for she who rolls into the office on Tuesday morning, looking like a giant, forelorn grape (okay, the cable-knit purple tunic-y sweater thing? not helping) and feeling much like she's been hit by the Vegas Bus.

What an awesome trip. I'm thoroughly and completely exhausted, but it was a damn good time. I came back with my maiden name, but no winnings or tattoos (that was a close call...), I learned that too many of those delicious slushy hurricane drinks only lead to 2am HotDoggery searches, and that slutty pirates are timeless and will ultimately define our society.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Viva Las Vegas!

Friday, September 29, 2006
That's right, blogfriends.

In approximately 8 hours, I will be coasting through the sky, soaring in the comfort of a WestJet plane, on my way to the sun-soaked sin city of Las Vegas.


I cannot promise that I won't come back with a hyphenated last name, but I do promise to collect some kind of outrageous blog-ready tales.

See you on Tuesday!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hullooooo, Zeeba Neighbah!

Thursday, September 28, 2006
I am in love with the following things:

This Comic Strip, particularly that fraternity of crocodiles, the Zeeba Zeeba Eetas. They make reading the Herald in the morning worthwhile (and my coworkers stare, confused, because I'm laughing too loudly, even for our office).

This Book. My god, I haven't read something so breathtakingly freaking fantastic in a very, very, very long time. If ever.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Lesson In Chopsticks

Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Let's set the record straight here. For those of you that may not know, I was raised in Saskatchewan. Yes, the glorious province of wheat and canola and John Deere and Chinese/Canadian Cafes serving ginger beef and chicken balls and hot turkey sandwiches.

I know, it's shocking. I hide it well.

One of the things picked up when I moved to this whopping metropolitan centre was an appreciation of the wide variety of ethnic restaurants available. Oh yes, I am no longer limited to The Prairie Place or the Eatonia Family Restaurant (formerly the New Palace Cafe). Waiting just outside my front door are endless options- Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, Mongolian, Russian, and so on.

And yet, after four years of attempting to "citify" myself, I still am unable to properly manipulate chopsticks. As was made evident by the kind people in the Korean take-out place yesterday, who noticed that I was failing to successfully manipulate both the chopsticks AND a spoon...and brought me a fork.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Nefarious On-Goings in Kensington

Monday, September 25, 2006
As I learned late last night (late being 8:30-ish, but it was dark, so that qualifies as late in my world), when one is standing on a street corner in an 'inner city neighbourhood' and talking on their cell phone, the following phrase may cause passers-by to get suspicious:

"Sure, yeah, I can be there in a half-hour. Did you want me to pick some up? No, you've got some at your place? Great. Jazz..."

It is important to note that one is not ALWAYS referring to illicit druggery. Sometimes, a girl just needs her diet coke. (Or, Diet Pepsi Jazz Strawberry and Creme...mmm, hello, jazz...)

Saturday, September 23, 2006

It's Saturday, so I Must Have Survived The Week

Saturday, September 23, 2006
Here I am, blogging at you on Saturday morning, so one is lead to believe that I did, in fact, survive the opening week of the show at work. The insanity is not over, far from it, but the show opened, the reviews are in, and I'm still gainfully employed.

I don't think I'll ever get used to all this hobb-nobbery. I'm just not so great at random small talk with people that the general public percieves as highly important. Perhaps I should have attended more of those obscenely boring and awkward networking events while I was still a Haskayne student. One thing to note: when stuck for conversation, just don't blurt out "I read your play in Dramatic Lit 237!", because then surely that person will ask, "Oh, which one?" and the odds of getting the answer to that question correct under pressure and champagney influence are less than good.

I should go make the most of my day off, for I have to work tomorrow. But I'll probably just continue slumming in my bathrobe, listening to the radio clipshow, and hurtin' for a coffee.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

News Briefs

Thursday, September 21, 2006
A few things I've read in the Calgary Herald this week:

1. People in rural areas die earlier. Apparently, the total lack of ambulance service, open hospitals, and reliable health care didn't factor in to that study, but they did find that obesity rates are higher, and general health of rural folk isn't as fine as those living in urban areas. Oh, but stress is lower, and people in the country seem to have more of a sense of community. Thank you, Herald, for this useless and common sensical piece of information.

2. The bar that Ralph Klein used to frequent (he's the Albertan Premier) is closing. Oh, and he's retiring. That means we'll get a more different idiot to run around with his head (or her head) whacked off, directing a bunch of souless Tories. But where will they drink?!

3. McDonalds is changing their infrastructure, so soon, egg mcmuffins will be available all day. FINALLY!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

With Heavy Hearts and Sweet Memories...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Today, we grieve the loss of our fishy friend, Messina. Beloved for his ebony scales and googly eyes, he is mourned by his tank-mate and heterosexual life partner, Loggins.

Messina will be remembered for his early morning love for fish pellets, for his unending affection for underwater plants and the gravel that colour-coordinated with his person, and for his continued attempt to breach the rift between his kind and the filter. Oh, sweet prince, may you frolic eternally in the great fishpond in the sky.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Precious Leisure Time

Tuesday, September 19, 2006
So, here's something I hadn't realized until just recently.

As a part of this whole "joining the real world" movement, apparently I am forced to relenquish about 80% of my free time. Or, time that WAS free time when I was a student. No longer do I live in the days of the 1:00pm haircut, the no-problem-I-can-wait doctor's appointment, the occasional late afternoon talk show binge, and the mandatory afternoon nap. Oh no, I have traded in the student lifestyle for one that leaves me with approximately 5 hours of free time a day, a raging caffeine addiction, and a bitter feeling towards anything and anyone that gets in the way of my time off.

This is how I figure it: On a good day, I leave work at about 5:05. I trample through the crowds and shove my way on to the CTrain, am shoved back, and generally resemble a sardine until I get off at my stop at about 5:33. Then, it's a 3 minute walk home, if I don't get distracted by the siren song of Safeway, and I still have no idea what I'm making for dinner. By the time I stuff something down my gullet (such a lady...), it's usually about sixthirty. Then I usually veg for exactly 31 minutes, trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the next 3 hours of my life.

And here it is, 9:45, I have 15 minutes left of sweet, precious free time before I should call it a day. What have I accomplished? Lots...but no mandatory afternoon nap was had. Not sure if the whole paycheque-and-benefits thing is actually worth the trade of the wonder that is the afternoon nap.

In through the nose...

I am nervous. Yesterday, I was nervous to the point of nausea. I have my first media call today, and while I have confirmation from those members of the media that are to be in attendance, I have confirmed with stage management, crew, staff and talent that they will be in attendance, and I’ve got it planned to the point of neurotic military precision, I’m still extremely nervous. Perhaps it’s just caffeine jitters, or low blood sugar because I was too freaked out to eat breakfast, but really- this has to stop.

They tell me that if I can make it through this show, I’m good to go for the rest of the season. But why did “THIS SHOW” have to be first?!!

I just hope I remember to breathe.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Of Mice and Men

Saturday, September 16, 2006
Tonight I had the pleasure of attending the opening of Theatre Calgary's "Of Mice and Men". Isn't that a pretentious opening statement? All delusions of actually being an important person aside, it was a beautiful show. I don't frequently describe productions as 'beautiful'- but this one really was.

The set was really, really slick. The way it was manipulated, and the way that the scene changes played out was really smooth, the lighting design was subtle, the music as close to perfect as one could get, and even the dog behaved.

And really, it was Steinbeck. What could one possibly say about such a powerful and classic piece of literature, adapted so well for stage, other than that it was beautiful? Anything that can reduce grown men to tears; anything that so clearly shows the agony and loss of one's dream for something better (call it the American Dream if you must...) is just simply beautiful.

Go see it. Just trust me. I'll be re-reading it, because clearly I missed something in Mrs Brewer's English 10 class.

Oh, and in passing, there's another Urinetown Pay What You Can on Sunday.

Friday, September 15, 2006

"Rock n' Roll is a Full Time Job," you say?

Friday, September 15, 2006
Last night, I had the pleasure of catching the The Balling Jacks, a band out of BC, at Weeds. My roommate went to high school with one of the guitarists, so he hooked us up with free stickers. Also worth mentioning: 5 cups of heavily sugared Earl Grey, endless criticism about the spin tarts (thanks, Amanda- that's the BEST description of the stupid blondes in stilettos. WHO wears stilettos to a coffee shop, in the rain, on a Thursday? Even I'm not that tacky), some pretty solid mandolin action, and an awkward encounter with someone I dated a few months ago, but unfortunately cannot, for the life of me, remember his name. For shaaaame, Megan. For shame.

But back to the band. These four guys apparently went to school together in Nelson, and they do have a good sound. I did describe it as a little "b-sidey", but with time, I wouldn't be surprised if they became popular amongst the medium-sized venue crowd. Think oldmachall ballroom sized. Or- in Saskatoon, what would be the equivalent? Um, the Odeon, maybe? Where do you go see shows, Saskatchewanians? Their final number, which apparently sums up the band's general attitude, "Rock N' Roll is a Full Time Job" was cliche, but catchy.

And that's entirely too much of me playing like I know anything at all about popular music.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Had To Have It...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The New John Mayer CD (continuum) dropped today. I was reminded by the note I had made in my calendar at work, and sure enough, at 12:00noon, this lovely little reminder popped up on my computer screen. "Go Buy John Mayer CD!!"

I had to, work told me to!

But apres work, I didn't quite make it to humm-vee on time. I realized half way through a browse through the Media and Culture section at the McNally Robinson bookstore- but fortunately, McNally sells music! Meganude is in luck, I think to myself-as I frequently think to myself in third person using a nickname- one stop shopping has recently become really, really appealing. One small, insignificant snare in my plans.

Cute. Checkout. Guy.

Now, not that I really care, but I mean- c'mon. How desperate am I going to look, racing to purchase an adult contemporary poprock album at an independant bookstore? Pretty sad, I think. So I made a quick sweep through, found the Margaret Atwood book that Lady Rose has been urging us to read (yay, bookclub!), and made my way to the front. Nervous gulp.

Then made light conversation with CuteCheckoutGuy about sustainable lifestyles and horrible future scenarios and how frightening and realistic fantasy novels can be. Not my usual conversation starter- but I rolled with it. Any man that digs Atwood is my kinda guy.

I think I might be in luff. I don't think he even noticed that I was buying a John Mayer, king of pathetic, lovelorn sap music cd.

Sunday, September 10, 2006


Sunday, September 10, 2006
So good. Go see it. Unfortunately, you've already missed out on the mythical wonderfullness that is Pay What You Can night, so you'll have to cough up 60 bucks. I, on the other hand, am only out 10.

For those that don't keep up with my obsessive compulsive tendancies regarding the industry in which I am employed, Urinetown, The Musical, is a musical (thanks, captain obvious) produced by two pretty cool companies and playing in the recently reno'd Grand. It's very, very good. And now that I have satiated my Urinetown need, I can rest well for the remainder of the theatre season, not kept awake at night fearing that I've missed out on what everyone's been talking about for months.

Sigh. Of Relief.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Friday, September 08, 2006
When I was a child, I was terrified of death. More specifically, of dying in my sleep. I remember going through an awkward phase (lasting for about 8 years…but that’s another blog entry) where I alternated between feverently wishing that I wouldn’t wake up the next day, and then praying desperately that I would. It wasn’t so much death itself that terrified me, or the unknown that is the afterlife, or not seeing my parents and friends again- after all, I’d see them in Heaven!- but the concept that maybe, maybe, I hadn’t been good enough to worm my way through the pearly gates. That as a 10 year old, maybe my original sin hadn’t been scrubbed off enough (I also believed that I was already in the red in terms of Catholicism, as I wasn’t baptized until I was 8, and that just can’t be good!), that God really disliked the fact that Candice and I used Holy Water to baptize my hamster, and that I’d spend the rest of eternity floating around in Purgatory with a bunch of body-less babies and agnostics and those departed folk whose earth-bound families just didn’t give a damn about them enough to pray for their godforsaken souls.

Oh yes, I remember spending hours after dark, after I’d written in my journal and read whatever Sweet Valley series I was plowing my way through, praying that all the times I’d wished that I would merely cease to exist wouldn’t catch up on me. Even then, cynicism and indecision threatened to take over my life, but I think I believed that the Catholic God I prescribed to didn’t quite have the sense of humour required to deal with an angsty prepubescent, and that one day, He’d get fed up and just strike me down.

I don’t know what I’m getting at here, but this morning, when my bloody alarm clock went off, and I crushed my face into the pillow and moaned, “God, I wish I was dead”…it definitely didn’t carry the weight it used to. And should God strike me down, I sincerely hope that Purgatory isn’t full of baby heads floating around.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Yesterday, in an attempt to find this epic blueberry muffin recipe that I lived off of 2 years ago, I came across a hand-written copy of the valedictorian address I gave at my high school graduation.

I wrote that speech the day before grad, on Senior Skip Day. Oh, how livid was I, the only senior high student who was actually present at school. I got over it, and lived to skip many a class at University, but I used the time that I spent seething over the injustice I faced to write that speech. Then, I thought about our new JAs, (junior apprentice), who just finished high school, and who all looked so very, very excited about working with us in lieu of heading straight to school.

(I'm sure that after a day of following me around, photocopying and exercizing my every whim, that maybe school ain't lookin' so bad...)

But I wonder- knowing what I do now, about where and who and what, would I have changed that speech? What parting words to the people I grew up with (but have completely lost contact with...) would I have?

Perhaps I was just better off recounting the time that Denise crashed her van into the 21-44.

Monday, September 04, 2006

It's Official

Monday, September 04, 2006
I squandered my summer.

4 months, 3 university classes, a new job, 3 different places of residence, and a whopping 8 days of vacation.

I want a do-over!!

Assorted and Sundry Sunday Thoughts

Okay. We've all officially agreed that Nickelback does, indeed, suck. So why are they still making music? Why are they still on the MTV, and the Rick Dee's Weekly top-Whatever, and the crapy radio stations we have here in Calgary? Why does the music of drunk-driving Chad Kruger, who hails from the town I always stop to pee in on my way back to El Rancho Doug and Lenore, haunt me in my dreams? The band has been officially sucking since I was in grade ten or eleven.

Second on the docket. Why is the reoccuring theme of nerd-meets-hot girl/hunk so common? We've all read the Ugly Duckling. We know that eventually, swans will emerge, involving a) if you're female, an elaborate MAKEOVER! sequence, with poppy background music and a variety of sinfully hideous fashion disasters, until one's peers settle on an atrocious combination of marbou and lip gloss, or b) if you're male, a series of pathetic pining, poetry and rock-song writing scenes, some creepy stalking, and maybe a 'lying on the bed staring at the stucco ceiling ohgodmylifeissodark' moment, coupled with some kind of outrageous favour trade-off with a more attractive, yet clearly less intelligent dude who actually gets the girl, and she doesn't realize what she's passed on, until the end, she comes to her freaking senses, nerd dude ditches his equally-socially inept female hanger-on best bud, and we're all left cheering for our sad, hopeful hero, and finally understanding the eternal question of "How did he end up with HER?"

What I was originally getting at up there was some kind of outrage on how in teen movies, primetime tv and Shakespeare everywhere, lady-friends require a makeover on the grand scale to land the dude of their dreams, while the man-friends seem to only have to wait out the required "she'll come to her senses!" period until they score with the dudette of their dreams.

I need to stop watching movies on TBS.

And finally, 'taking a nap' on Sunday inevitably will ALWAYS result in waking up, 3 or 4 hours later, realizing that one has missed the dinner hour completely. Damn seduction of the late-afternoon Sunday nap.

Friday, September 01, 2006

A Story I May Have Already Told You

Friday, September 01, 2006
So, on Sunday, I was dropping off some stuff at the office downtown. Stuff being a 10 foot by 10 foot tent and a massive display board, hence, I was driving the ol' intrepid.

I'm obeying all traffic laws, and if you've ever driven around a business centre of a city at 9:30pm on a Sunday, you would know that there is no traffic. NONE. But sure enough, as the light on Centre and 8th turns green, and I advance m'automobile, the cop behind me turns on his lights.

I pull over. He gets out of his car. He asks me, "Do you know why I've stopped you?"

No. I have not a freaking clue.

"Your license plates seem to have expired on August seventh"

To which I reply, "No, sir. That would be August OH-Seven. As in, 2007."

Never fail to trust in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006
I had this fleeting moment of … not regret, but maybe its first cousin, longing…today. I was walking through the plus15 system (for non-Calgarians, it’s a maze of indoor walkways, fifteen feet above the ground, that join the many office towers and buildings downtown. We never have to go outside! See also, the film, waydowntown), tromping along from a meeting in my jeans and hiking boots, messy ponytail swinging. I walked past all of these well-dressed, important looking businessfolk, and I had this strange glimmering feeling of longing, a holdover from my business school education.

I know I should be grateful, because I’ve been saved from the mundane 8-5 workplaces that one of my friends likens to being “stuck in a Beckett play”. I do something that I enjoy and find meaningful. But 4 years of having greed and capitalism hammered into your skull takes a while to wear off- I still read the Financial Post. (In secret…) I dream about week-long business trips and conference calls, 3 weeks of vacation and a salary that is well out of the first tax bracket.

But at what point am I going to cave? Cash in, sell out, whatever you want to call it. When will meaningful work and job satisfaction give way to an expense account and an executive dress code- and if it does, will I ever truly be happy?

Oh, the trials and tribulations of the New Grads.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Nervous Nellie...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Tonight's the night, the night of rejection and awkward mingling.

That's right, speed dating. Why, I ask myself, do I get wrangled into these things? But then I realize that no one held a gun to my head to force me to do this, and it was totally my decision, and that maybe, subconciously, I really want to.

I'll let you in on a secret, blogreaders. I'm not so good with meeting new people. Mingling and social settings are a near disaster, unless I'm in the right kind of mood, in which I throw caution to the wind and just don't care. My fear of social settings is only intensified when someone in the room makes me nervous- say, a not-so-secret crush, arch nemesis, or even someone I admire and aspire to be like. Basically, I need to be on par with everyone, or I freak out.

I'm sort of hoping that this speed debacle will help me get over this a little bit. Odds are high that I'll be the youngest person there (not an abnormal situation for me), and likely the tallest. Gah, at least I'll have a story to tell when I'm an old spinster catlady.

"One time, I had 10 dates in one night, and they all rejected me simultaneously due to my inability to make inane small talk! But it's okay, because now I have you, kitties. Now I have you."

Hobnobbing with Celebrities, Round Deux

I just got home from the Auburn Saloon, home of the Bettys Afterparty. This time, my friends, I learned my lesson and did not drink copious amounts of vanilla Stoli and diet cola, and instead, drank water and a manhattan. (strooooong)

Oh yes, the Bettys. Not to dis certain awards ceremonies, but I believe that this is the way I framed it for one of my co-workers:

"If the Bettys are like Disneyland, the Catties are like Balzac." And it's true! I was so entertained, I made small talk with two fight directors and a stage manager, I ate great buffet foods, and I even came home with an award.

That's right. Sitting beside me is the FFWD Reader's Choice Award. Of course, it belongs to the company, and I had nothing to do with that production (I saw it!), but tonight- let me just fantasize that it's mine. In some parallel universe, there is a Megan doing things that actually warrant public praise and recognition, not just supporting those that are recognized. Maybe in my next life, but for this one- I'll settle for front-row VIP seats.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Amanda Rants: I Hobnobbed...with Celebrities

Sunday, August 27, 2006
Amanda Rants: I Hobnobbed...with Celebrities

For an extremely accurate summary of last night's events, please see above.

water....must go have more water...

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


Wednesday, August 23, 2006
That's what's for dinner.

I want this man to have my babies.

'Cause then they'd look like this:

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Another Round of Things I'm Ashamed Of

Tuesday, August 22, 2006
1. I really like that Paris Hilton song. Part of me dies every time I sing it, silently, to myself on the bus, or in the bathroom, or when sitting at my desk. I know I'll never live this down, but just let me's just so "Holiday"-era Madonna. And that I dig.

2. I have no 'costume' for my 'dance class' tomorrow night. If you want to know more details, let's just say it involves poles and heels.

3. I gawked, shamelessly, at the Calgary Police Service trainees as they got coffee this morning, post-workout. Hot. Hawt. Then I got caught.

4. I just made up a song to the tune of the Spiderman theme that actually included the line, "swing-y hair, swing-y hair..."

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Mall Outrage!

Sunday, August 20, 2006
Unfortunately, not Mall Rampage.

So today I was at Market Mall, buying black pants so that I have something to wear to work this week other than blue jeans, when I come across a young missy inappropriately dressed.

When I was 9, there is no way in samhell that my parents would have let me out of the house in a tshirt that said, "Seriously. WTF."

Now, aside from the fact that I am so coveting that tshirt, it's wrong. WRONG! That shirt belongs on a twenty-something, who would wear it with a solid sense of irony. Perhaps on weekends, to her fav hangouts, or on chill movie dates with her imaginary boyfriend. NOT on a pre-teen (or tween, or whatever the hell they've labeled the misguided youth of today) at the mall.

Seriously. WTF.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

And So It Begins...

Thursday, August 17, 2006
I'm getting old.

Oh, scoff if you will. I am fully aware that the ripe old age of twenty-two is, in fact, not that old. Relative to say, sixty-seven, or eighty-nine, or even forty-three, twenty-two blossoms with youth and dewy promise.

Oh, but then one day, you wake up and say to yourself, "Man, I just don't get kids today, what with thier skinny jeans, and eyeliner, and crappy I long for the days of plaid flannel and platform sneakers and neon and Big Shiny Tunes 2. Now THAT was music."

Yes, even hearing a snippet of "Bittersweet Symphony" or a little Gavin Rossdale sends me waxing poetic all over the place, and man, that melted waxing poetic is hard to get off carpet. I fear the day that, after dozing off during Saturday Night Live, I wake up to a "Top Hits!" Time-Life CD collection of the music I listened to during my oh-so-formative adolescent years.

Until then, I will cling to my new Belle and Sebastian downloads like a badge of Indie Rock pride. "I listen to new music! Sometimes! When I'm not listening to old Better Than Ezra albums..."

wu-oh, oh, it was Good...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Thrills. Chills. Ikea Furniture.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006
So I'm in the process of moving into the new Chez Moi. I'm very, very excited to finally be settling down in a place for more than eight consecutive months. I can hang art! (And not just crappy, every-dorm-has-one cheap repo posters...Van Gogh, anyone?) I can unpack dishes! I can burn candles without violating my residence agreement!

This also means I can furnish as I so choose. Or as my budget so chooses, whichever comes first. My parents were wonderful enough to go pick up my new bed from Ikea, Home of Recent Graduate Decor on the Cheap, last weekend. John and Amanda were lovely enough to gift to me an Ikea tv-stand (on wheels! Hello, wheely coffee table...) and a red velvet armchair. It doesn't go so much with our borrowed burgandy 1960's sectional (but what a sweet sectional!) but at this point, I care not.

I'm just psyched to be the inhabitant of a 3-bedroom (and one roommate!), main floor house on a quiet, well-treed side street in Kensington.

My baby brudder and I (okay, just the brudder...I had very little to do with it) assembled my Ikeafurniture on Monday, and now it's just a matter of riding out my time with the menagerie for the next 2 weeks. I'm assuming that a rather rollicking house warming shenanigan will take place, and I'll keep everyone posted.

Next step in my life: Learning to sustain the life of houseplants.

Word of the day: Free Sandwiches. Apparently, there IS such a thing as a free lunch- one just has to attend luncheon meetings to get it.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Two posts in one day! Oy!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Okay, so just an update: I bit the bullet, and in two weeks, I'll be a speed-dating maven. I'm sure that only hilarity will ensue. That, and potential mortificiation, which only makes for a better story!

Quick rant: Why do people think that they are automatically quite intelligent if they can "banter about everything from politics to poets". Yes, most of the smart people I know can indeed banter about every varied and sundry topic under the hot august sun. But just being able to consiously talk about politics? Monkeys and parrots can do that. And bitching about Ralphie Boy or Tony Blair or Bush does not count as legitimate political discussion, unless it is associated with a topic not found in the gossip section of the paper, or real discussionary points.

I don't want to sound like the smart police here- hell, I know essentially NOTHING about the Canadian political system. I'm a good Liberal that way. But I'm so cheezed with people who think that they're automatically flashin' the smart card when they mention the PM in passing. Not so, friends. Same goes with name-dropping Beckett, Shakespeare, James Joyce, the Holocaust, Rwanda, and the state of the religious beliefs of Hollywood production teams. Back it up, buttercup.

But this brings me around to the question that has been haunting me all day...what does make someone intelligent? What makes smart...SMART? How do we distinguish Wall-Street-Journal toting, TheCompleteWorksOfShakespeare "reading" poseurs from bona fide smart folk?

Please, enlighten me. All of my smart friends (and I do have smart friends..who actually HAVE read Billy Shake's complete works. And talk politics). The airhead, she is dying to know.

Everything's Coming Up

So, congratulations are in order for Kirsten, who, unlike your blogger here, actually has a social life and therefore, interactions with the male kind. Woot for you!

Remember, back in the day, when I was trapped in an elevator with a creepy man? Who I dubbed Creepy Elevator Man? Oh, well...he's one of the head honchos of the good ol' fringe festival that I have been basically living and breathing all week. So I get to spend hours with CEM (now Creepy Fringe Guy). Must say, though, that he's been really nice helping me construct a 10 foot by 10 foot tent every day.

Sigh. Other than that, I think tonight entails a viewing of the fine cinematic genius of Jude Law, and maybe some bbq'ing. If it doesn't rain. (Please don't rain!)

Monday, August 14, 2006

Post Number 157

Monday, August 14, 2006
Do you know what's harder than parallel parking in my yacht of a car?

Parallel parking my yacht of a car on the Left-hand side of the street. Weird.

So, my weekend was pretty short, much wallpaper stripping, fringing and watching movies. I have to say, that if Mr. Ewan McGregor ever stopped by my office, I'd have to take him into captivity and keep him as a pet for the rest of my days.

Sigh. That would be nice.

Friday, August 11, 2006


Friday, August 11, 2006
Thank God it's Friday?

Thank God itstopped Friggingraining?

Tsshk Gahhhd it's fringe?

I'm bad with the acronyms. Must be because I spend 2 hours hauling a tent, a rubbermaid tote, and a trifold display thing through the rain because is traceable back to me...

Let's just say that no, Western Canadian High School is not actually located between 7-8th streets, that it's between 5-6th streets, and that made my morning a little stressful.

Sigh. It's going to be a long weekend. And I don't mean the type filled with strange civic holidays, bbq's and an extra day off.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Heaven Forbid I Not Dare to Try Everything Once...

Thursday, August 10, 2006
Okay, friends. I need some decision-making assistance.

At work, I am responsible for planning a variety of kicky promotional events. One of them is usually a singles' night, so while doing some preliminary research, I managed to somehow sign myself up for a speed dating service. (Why, oh why, don't I just hit 'cancel' instead of entering my email address?)

Now, I'm always game. I'll try anything at least once, even just so screw up so fantastically that I get a good story out of it.

Should I attend a speed-dating event at the end of August? Keeping in mind that the cost for "Meeting 10 Bachelors! An Open Bar! and Gourmet! Hors! D'Oeuvres!!" is a whopping $70.

I don't think I could drink seventy dollars worth of open bar...but should I try it? Would this stop my whining and snivelling and nights at home with Drew Barrymore and friends? (Probably not. I'm stubborn like that)

Due to my indecisive nature, blogreaders, I shall let you decide.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

My Horribly Innapropriate Thought of the Day

Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Okay. If you didn't have the pleasure of knowing me (or talking to me) back in November, when surely I ranted and raved for hours about the release of the Harry Potter movie (don't ask me which number..4 maybe?), you're about to rejoice in some of the wonder that was my ongoing banter.

Harry. Potter. Is. So. Hot.

Yes, I have a major crush on a fictional, teenage wizard. Yes, I understand that Daniel Radcliffe, who plays the fictional teenage wizard is only 17. Yes, I understand that in some countries, that would be highly illegal, and if I even attempted to date a 17 year old child in THIS country, my friends would never let me forget it and would refuse to associate with me in most contexts.

But I cannot deny my attraction to said fictional teenage wizard. Doesn't help that an old boyfriend(?) looked much like the bastard offspring of said fictional teenage wizard and rock god John Lennon. At any rate. He's hot, and I'm more than willing to admit my shameful crush.

C'mon, who WASN"T all awkward during the scene in the bathtub, whereby a bubbly Harry Potter was only marginally covered by suds? AWKWARDED OUT.

So, imagine my shock and curiosity when I find out that actor that plays my beloved fictional teenage wizard is going to appear. Nude. On. A. HORSE. in a London stage production.

Once again, let me echo my AWKWARDED OUT statement.


Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Living Alone sucks when...

Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Okay, so the only thing worse than incredibly painful and violent (flu? Food poisoning?) sickness for 7 hours straight is waking up the next morning and taking the bus to work.

That is all.

Friday, August 04, 2006


Friday, August 04, 2006

Lack of control over certain situations not to be named has left me quite verklempt (I looked up the spelling of that one), and I fear that the next period of intederminate time will also be damaging to my mental health.

Does anyone know a good shrink in Calgary? And if so, can we perhaps pinpoint someone that I can blame and send bills to?


At least tonight we're going to Bingo.

What, you haven't heard of it? Clearly, it's the hottest new exclusive, members-only club in town.

(What's the opposite of hail?) to the Bus Driver

Okay. I thought of a rant.

I would really like to appeal to those individuals who decide that the perfect time to haul their stroller-bound infants and/or rolling luggage fit for a cross-Atlantic (ON A SHIP) journey is, in fact, between 8 and 9am, or 5 and 6pm.

Listen. I understand, okay? You have places to go, peoples to see, things to do (what, with an infant, on a bus, at 8:30 in the that even sane?... I can’t imagine…) but really. Really?! Do you understand exactly what taking the bus during rush hour is like? I’m sure you do, which is why logically, you decided to come aboard hauling your mass of worldly possessions with you.

I really shouldn’t bitch about the Transit system. Honestly, I can get to essentially everywhere I want to, generally when I want to, but never after midnight. And, I mean, the busses are only late about, what, a third of the time? No sweat.

And one might really learn to enjoy being crammed on a tin can of a vehicle, hurling through time and space, pressed up against a glass door that could burst open at any moment and a stranger that smells oddly like the closets at Grandma’s house. Or, maybe riding next to a woman who spends the entire 22 minute journey calling all her friends to tell them that her wedding has been cancelled is a lesson in what NOT to do in public.

I’m not the boss of the world, and clearly, I understand that the Public Transit system does not exist to ferry me to and fro, on my command, and cater to my every whim. However, the other people that ride said bus?

Clearly lacking in (now, how would Amanda phrase this? Oh yes…) a basic level of self-awareness.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I wish I had a rant...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006
I really, really do!

If only I had something to really twist my knickers, y'know? I could direct all this pent up energy that threatens to become hostility any second now towards someone, or something other than the Calgary Herald and the dogs I live with.

You know what's really sad? I've lost all desire to read. I LOVE reading. I would move into Chapters or the Library (preferably Chapters- I mean, they have a Starbucks, hel-lo!) if I could. In fact, I might just try. But back to my point. I've spent hours wandering about bookstores in the past few weeks, and I've come up with NOTHING. I'm in the midst of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius which is just so damn good that I don't want it to finish, so I'm savouring it, but at the same time, is so emotionally involving that I can't just sit and read it.

I need something fluffy, yet smart. Sassy, fun, but breathtakingly monumental. Something with a protaganist like me, and a happy ending.

Actually, I need to know what comes after the happy ending.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

This one’s for you, Kirsten.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Last night, two guys I’ve dated in the past year and a half contacted me (within ten minutes of each other!) and asked me out again. To this I say, “whaaat?! Theeee?! Fridge?!!” Seriously. I’ve always been one to learn by doing, but I don’t like to make the same mistake twice. I even have a fridge magnet that proclaims just that! (It hangs inbetween “Look look! Said Sally, Look where I’m pierced!” and “Welcome to Suburbia- where they cut down the trees and name streets after them”)

So what gives? Am I really willing to try, again, with someone that it didn’t work with the first time? Obviously, I have reasons for ending both relationships (if you can even call them that…). But what I think it comes down to is the fact that dating is exhausting. I’m tired of dating- the whole ‘whatdoiwearwhatshouldiorderohmygodshouldikisshim?!’ ordeal. I’m really sick of putting up a good front for a few weeks, getting to know someone I may not even care to socialize with next month. Can’t I just date someone I already know, someone who’s already seen me at my best and worst, in a natural environment?!

Egads. Well, I’ll let you know, faithful blog readers, exactly how round deux with bachelor number two goes. My money’s on ‘not promising’ and/or ‘traumatic exercise in self-deprecating torture’.

PS- Kirsten, what does Dr Phil have to say about this?! Perhaps I really DO need to borrow that book.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Watermelon Season?

Thursday, July 27, 2006
Oh yes. Oh yes, my friends. I saw the infamous Watermelon Guy (because face it, he'll never BE famous) today when I was walking to work. I wonder, now, what the hell I was thinking.

Really. What kind of late-20s-early-30s aged guy goes to work dressed like a seven year old child?! Is this part of the watermelon appeal? The floppy hair, the teva sandals, the cartoon tshirt and matching backpack?!

w. t. f.

Now I realize that he and Ms. Calves are perfect for each other. Neither one is willing to face reality and accept their chump status. (Is the feminine form of chump 'chumpette'? Or is it a gender neutral term?)

That's all I have to say. Oh, and that I fear the the bruises I have on my knees from writhing on the floor in, ahem, 'dance class' last night may never fade. Nor will the hurt of my pride ever go away.

copyranter: What Tie Domi will be wearing when he gets his weekly mani/pedi.

copyranter: What Tie Domi will be wearing when he gets his weekly mani/pedi.

THIS is disturbing. Not surprising, because we all know that the Leafs are totally femme. That's why they always lose.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Today's Top Story

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
At 12:08 am on Tuesday, Calgary’s millionth citizen was born. Little baby Dash or whatever his name is received a white hat (a Calgary tradition- usually cowboy hats- Bebe got a toque- for our local celebrities and honored guests to the city). His parents got thousands of dollars of swag. (free West Jet tickets! An Enmax credit! A park bench dedicated to their spawn that will inevitably serve as a bed for the homeless in some skeezy park!) Not a bad deal- and yes, I will even admit that I like the name Dashiel and he’s quite cute. (His mom is from Saskatchewan- that must be why.)

The same article I read in the Herald claims that the population of Calgary increases by 98 people daily, 71 of them moving here from elsewhere. No WONDER there’s a shortage of housing. Parking. Space on the Deerfoot. Seats on Transit that don’t involve being groped by a weird smelling old man. A massive line at Cowboys. (Wait- you can keep going there, because I don’t!)

People of Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Newfoundland, PEI- I BEG you. STOP MOVING HERE. Seriously. We’ve got gangs! (Just ask the Calgary Sun) We’ve got homeless! Commuting disasters! STAY AWAY! Yeah, you might here of the boom, and think you’d like to get a piece of that, but trust me. Unless you’re a welder, and you want to move to Ft. Mac- which trust me, I’ve never seen it, but I wouldn’t want to move there!- finding a job isn’t as easy as one might think. Oh, and then once you FIND a job, it’s highly, highly unlikely that you’ll be able to find a place to live that doesn’t eat up two thirds of your salary. Funny, how wages haven’t increased proportionately to the cost of living here.

And forget about trying to park anywhere near the Ctrain. Or Chinook Centre, for that matter.

Trust me. Stay where you are, or…move to Edmonton.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Other Side

Tuesday, July 25, 2006
We're interviewing at our office. Again. It's really interesting, though, to see the process from the other side, having gone through it myself so recently. I've already made my bet as to who it'll be, and my boss hasn't seen everyone yet.

So far:

-2 non-descript but enthusiastic girls
-glasses journalismschool dude
-middle-aged beige suit lady
-formal black suit sales guy

one more to go money's on glasses journalism dude.

In other meganuse, I've discovered that caring for 2 large dogs and 2 surly cats is kind of like having 3 infants and a surly teenager. Yet another reason NOT to have thechildrens, even if thechildrens wouldn't shed on all my black clothes. I've also discovered that "hmm. I should go water the garden" really translates into 2 hours of obsessive-compulsive weeding, thinning, trimming, and arranging. I'm so not cut out for this!

AND. My "give up starbucks" attempt? so far, I have broken down twice, in hot pursuit of a frappucino. Pretty good, considering I used to harbour a twice-a-day habit. The downside of this? My insatiable lust for Diet Coke has only increased.

Damn you, delicious, caffienated, carbonated, sugar-free treat. I'd switch to the sexy new pink Tab, but it's pricey.

Monday, July 24, 2006


Monday, July 24, 2006
When things go wrong, it's one thing if you can blame someone or something else. "I was late because the bus was running late." "I didn't get that report to you because our server was down" or "The only book the library had on my topic was out, so my paper's late".

But when you only have yourself to blame, it's something entirely different. For example, "I knew that van was parked there. I was aware of its existence, I saw it, there were no distractions. It was my own stupid fault that I backed directly into it."

Fortunately, I'm not paying rent for the months of July and August, so paying off that deductable?

So much for new shoes.

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Thursday, July 20, 2006
Emergency Post! This is NOT a Test!

From the pages of Marie Claire...

Stirrup pants are back.

Oh, the humanity.


Why, in a city of a million, rich with oil money and booming like nobody's business, are there 3,500 homeless people?

Why is there someone sleeping in the park across the street from my office?

Why, if Alberta has such an outrageous labour shortage, is ANYONE unemployed?

Why does the cellist in the mural in the plus15 outside my office look EXACTLY like Billy Joel?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Mmm, a back seat full of towels. White towels. White towels with my name and high school graduation date embroidered on them in navy. I highly doubt that they are colourfast. This is what is in my car, along with a trunk full of my earthly possessions. I’m moving today, ohjoyohbliss. Hopefully only once more again this year, and then for the next 12 months, I’m staying put.

Today at lunch, I enjoyed sitting beside what must be the world’s largest wading pool, in Olympic Plaza. There I was, enjoying a veggie samosa that I bought for 2 bucks, listening to the steel drum band, and I could swear that I was almost somewhere other than Calgary. I have to admit, this work thing- it rocks. The amount of accountability and trust I have to establish really motivates me- there is no one looking over my shoulder, watching me fold stuff or pack miniscule chocolates into ridiculously small boxes. I don’t have to clean deep fryers, nor do I run the risk of burn scars from the outrageously hot pizza oven. I really dig this. I think it helps that I work in the arts, and that the ‘bottom line’ and ‘shareholder concerns’ aren’t what it’s all about here. Yeah, profit matters, and no, we don’t want to horrifically offend any community members (why we chose our second play of the season, then, is beyond me…). But when it comes right down to it, I work for a company that produces actual, lasting, meaningful contributions to society.

Best part of it? I didn’t have to sell my soul- or learn to golf.

Monday, July 17, 2006

My So-Called, Semi-Charmed, etc etc Life

Monday, July 17, 2006
Wahoo for moving. Today, our receptionist asked me for my address to add to the company directory. Simple enough- unless you find yourself shacking up at no real fixed address until September 30. I explained that I'll be living in 3, count 'em, THREE, different places between now and then, and that if she'd like, she could just use my cell number instead of constantly updating my address.

This is also problematic as the Alberta Motor Vehicle Operators Whatever, also known as a Driver's License, requires an address. The Saskie ID has no such requirement- hell, it's a picture of me and some holographic wheat. And another picture of me, tiny-sized, for security purposes. Aside from the fact that it looks like I made it in my basement, I dig my Flatskatch Photo ID. I do not look forward to swapping provincial identities once and for all, even if it means the potential Ralph Bucks sent my way in February.

Other exciting Megavents coming up:

Tomorrow, I'm heading over to the Auburn (as Jon said, trendy theatre bar a-go-go) for the Nominee Annoucements of the Bettys. Woot, hob-nob (with celebrities!). Did I mention I get paid for that?

Ma Cousine Erin (alas, we are not french, merely cheap Hungarian/GermansfromRussia knock-offs) is coming to visit on Wednesday!

I'm moving into a new home! On Wednesday! One that comes complete with two large dogs and two surly cats. Please come visit me and my menagerie any time. Especially if you know how to drive a standard and are able to instruct me in this subtle art.