Monday, February 27, 2006

Have I permanently thrown off my groove?

Monday, February 27, 2006
I always know it's a rough day when I find myself listening to Bon Jovi, eating cold cereal with chocolate chipits tossed in, and desperately avoiding homework.

I'm suddenly not looking forward to marking exams. 3 short answer questions on 300 exams? How did I not realize that was equal to 900 questions when I agreed to this?! So much for my social life (scoff...what social life?) Oh, well, a reference from the Marketing Area Chair won't hurt, that's furshure.

*Shoutout to anyone writing the MKTG 317 Midterm tomorrow. Your grader gives extra marks for sass...keep that in mind!*

You know what I AM looking forward to? Box Office time at the Pumphouse, and then Doogie Howser time brought to me by the proceeds of working the box office. Huzzah, Doogie, we shall be together again!

well, this was a lame post.

Hussy!

That Meredith Grey, she's quite the hussy. Poor George!

(Yes, you'd be correct if you are judging me for commenting on characters on a tv show. Bear with me, please- at the moment, Grey's Anatomy is one of the few joys of a dreary Sunday night.)

At any rate, I will now proceed with an open letter to Patrick Dempsey, heart of my heart.

Dear Patrick Dempsey,

Oh, how I loved thee in "Can't Buy Me Love". It is officially your fault that I have mad love for the nerds of this world, you cruel bastard. I've always wanted a white suede pantsuit, due to you. And, thanks to you, I have this complex involving nice, nerdy boys falling madly in love not with me, a nice, nerdy girl- but rather, the stunningly gorgeous girls with perfect hair and a body much like Jane Fonda, back in her thong leotard and legwarmers days. Oh yes, she'll end up on the cover of Playboy, and while I may not be able to compete with that, I beseech you, oh nerdy boys of the world, do NOT follow in the footsteps of your 80's movie king and make the same mistake! Do not overlook the nice, yet slightly unbalanced ladies! For while the Tiffanies and Jessicas and Stephanies and Brittanys may have great hair (jealous...) and a fantastic rear view, have any of them actually READ anything lately, besides the back of a Covergirl Compact? Do they know that Yoga and Yoda are not one and the same? Can they spell "vacuum"? Perhaps no.

I digress. At any rate, SeƱor Dempsey, you are still quite dreamy, but for godssake, man, get some sleep! Stop screwing around with that stick-girl! And for the love of all that is, eat a sandwich!

Love and kisses,

Megan Bailey

ps- Neil Patrick Harris, the same goes for you- except swap "white suede pantsuit" for "computer-based diary".

Sunday, February 26, 2006

First Rule of Fondue Club: Don't Lick the Fork

Sunday, February 26, 2006
My trip to Saskatoon was fantastic- I mean, nothing like spending 3 or 4 days with good friends, away from the stresses of home. From Karaoke to Martinis, Makeovers to the Mendell Art Gallery, Bridesmaid dresses to bingeing on ripple chips and fondue, it was a great time. (thanks, gallies!)

However, as with every good trip, I did learn some tragic things about myself, including my total, disgraceful ineptitude at fondue. How does one suck at fondue, you may ask? Well. Let me tell you, it's possible, and I have succeeded at it! Dropping things, losing what I was fonduing, slopping melted food products about my person...it SEEMS so easy. Oh no, friends.

Oh, no.

I also learned that the following are inappropriate behaviours when in a Bridal shop:

- Dancing about, singing the "be our guest! be our guest!" song from Beauty and the Beast
-Propping the crinolined dresses up on the floor and loudly proclaiming, "see! it DOES stand on its own!"
-Standing in the middle of the store, shrieking because someone has called you with an update on the Curling game (however, I did make friends with a few dads that were there, against their will)
-Recanting a story of jilted brides left at the alter, or stories of divorce "before they even got the photos back!"
-any expression involving the words "this is cut up to the hoohaw!"
-trying out the tiaras, and then prancing about and spinning

We also discovered that Saskatoon may not be ready for this pickup line:

"Hey, how 'bout some sex and breakfast, Cowboy?"

At any rate, I have returned to the fair city of Calgary, buried deep under layers of snow- but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's so good to be home.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Off to Saskatoon!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Well, in a matter of hours, I'll be whooping it up in Stoon with my ladies, pictured here:



Word is that tonight includes wings and Karaoke at Whiskey Jack's. Should you find yourself in Saskatoon, please join us- look for the table of extremely loud girls, quoting the Teen Girl Squad with fervor.

For my Calgary friends, I'll be back Saturday afternoon- hopefully sane and in one piece!!

ps- I think it's cool that we got hosed in a library.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I can't believe I'm watching this...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006
This Just In...

American Idol = Officially, the Worst Show Ever.

Home Cookin'

One of the guarantees of coming home is at least one full meal. Yes, quite often when I visit El Rancho Doug and Lenore, I eat yogurt for dinner, or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches twice a day. I acknowlege that my parents are busy people, and while it would be great to come home to night after night of roast beef dinner and homemade lasagna, it's not going to happen.

As tonight was my "last supper" at home, (Mom always calls it the "last supper", always has, and while it weirds me out a bit, it's cute) Mom asked me what I wanted to have for dinner. Hoy! A balanced meal, that I didn't have to prepare! I promptly replied:

"Oh, it doesn't matter. I don't care..."

After some sighing, and rolling of my mother's eyes, I mentioned that I really had a craving for (surprise, surprise) Indian.

Mom told me that she only knew how to make bannock, if I wanted pemmican, I was on my own- buffalo is out of season.

Anyway, after much har-har-ing, Mom told me she had a curry recipe she'd wanted to try out. Sounds good, right? In Saskatchewan, "Chicken Curry" involves the following ingredients:

-cream of mushroom soup
-stewed tomatoes
-maaaaybe 1 tsp of mild curry powder
-chicken breasts
-minute rice

Surprisingly enough, it was pretty good. Not really what I'd call curry, but then again, I'm definitely no expert.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Tag, you're It.

Sunday, February 19, 2006
Ten Years Ago
-I spent the summer in Hawaii with my family
-I went to Vegas for the first time

Five Years Ago
-I did the SLBP in Quebec City for the summer
-We performed "The Wall", winning the Region 6 festival and going to Provincials , where I won the Debbie Baker CHEER Award and an award for Acting Excellence
-We went to Hoopla (provincial basketball tournament), taking 4th place
- I was in loooove with the flavour of the week, most likely from Marengo (damn those Marengo boys...)

Last One Year
-Failed Finance 317
-got my first "A" in a University course
-Spent the summer in Eatonia
-Met Will Ferguson at the Saskatchewan Festival of Words in Moose Jaw

Yesterday
-Read Glamour magazine
-cleaned 3 bathrooms
-spent 45 minutes trying to get the dvd player to work
-had my gel nails removed (yeowch!!)

Five Yummy Things
-Retesh (mm, Hungarian dessert, and Dramnitzki family slang for...nevermind)
-Eatonia Catering Committee Roast Beef Supper, with broccoli-cauliflower salad
-Butter Chicken
-Hummus and Pita
-Chicken Souvlaki

Five Songs i know by heart
-"Tupelo Honey" Van Morrison
-"Tangerine" Led Zeppelin
-"Yesterday" The Beatles
-"Zak and Sara" Ben Folds Five
-"Don't Stop Believing" Journey

Five Things I'd do if i had money
-Start a scholarship fund
-collect art
-travel the world (how cliched.)
-pay off my loan!
-buy Doug and Lenore a vacation home in the destination of their choice
-fund a start-up business

Places I Escape To
-Kensington, specifically Higher Ground or Starbucks
-The Globe Theatre
-the Loft on Campus
-my bathtub

TV Shows
-CSI Las Vegas
-Grey's Anatomy
-What Not to Wear
-Sex and the City

5 Things I Can Live Without
-Midterms
-Vanity plates
-Talk Radio
-Backseat drivers
-Rhinestones

5 Favourite Ethnic Cuisines
-Indian
-Vietnamese
-Greek (okay, Kent, it counts!)
-Ukranian/Hungarian (oh, Grandma Olga!)
-uhm, Italian or Thai

Alright. That was hard, but it definitely got my mind off the stressful day it's been.

I tag: Erin and Carmen XP

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Grammar is fun for Everyone! (no, really.)

Saturday, February 18, 2006
Useless Rant time!

I am so frustrated by poor spelling. I know, it's the information age, and everyone has taught their teacup poodle to text message, which requires its own dialect. But you know what? Personally, I really like vowels. I like the way they require more effort to pronouce. You really have to want to speak those vowels, to wrap your lips around the letter. I am pleased by the rounded contours, the luscious curves of the letters that seperate the harsh consonants of the English language.

Therefore, this is not a sentence:

R U GNG 2 JT'S L8R?

I also am bothered by the complete generational disregard for grammar. I'd love to use more semi-colons; in fact, I'll throw one in right now. I know that I may seem hypocritical, as I write in a disjointed, abstract manner, but at least I punctuate. Did this become a problem after Schoolhouse Rock was cancelled? Maybe we need more Strongbad Grammar Jingles. Oh, whiny GenY, what have you done to the English language?!!

I once dated a guy that made fun of the way I properly used punctuation, and made sure to check the spelling in every single sentence when using MSN. Sadly, I think it's part of my charm.

Totally random tangent: Everyone should go listen to "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" by Rufus Wainwright. It suits my addictive personality and slightly-randomly-melancholic mood. This song perfectly elicits that "I really shouldn't, I know I shouldn't, but sometimes, I can't help myself..." feeling that we all know so well.

Well, maybe just those of us who are increasingly shallow and materialistic, and consciously make destructive decisions. Like me.

'Ain't sayin she's a Golddigger...

I just had to add that when I was in North Battleford, at the Co-op Mall, I spotted this keychain in a window display:



Sooo glad that this is the message we're sending the youth. So very pleased.

Can you go home again?

So, this is where I'm spending my reading break:


Going home is strange, particularily when you've moved from a town of just over 400 to a city of just under 1,000,000. It's weird, not locking car doors, waving at everyone, and being watched, all the time. I can't go anywhere, not even to the post office, without running into someone that "knew me when..". I suppose it's not a bad thing, and as far as where my roots are, there's no confusion- but I have to admit that I get really fed up with people asking intrusive questions about my personal life and judging my personal appearance. Really, Citizens of Eatonia, if you wanted to know the dirt on me, you could just read my blog. Or, ask my mother, next time you see her at the beauty salon, which is every 4 weeks, if you're wondering.

If any of those esteemed citizens should be reading, here's the scoop. Yes, I'm still a feminist. Nope, I'm still dating men. No, not getting married anytime soon! (like everyone else I graduated with, it seems...) Yes, I'm convocating- November, to be exact. No, I didn't go into education. Yes, I'm in Business. Nope, I'm not going to be a secretary- I'm going to have one.

(Those are, indeed, the questions I'm asked most often when I go home...)

My dad's in Paris, my brother is in Lethbridge, en route to California. Unfortunately, months of telling him "that car won't make it! You won't even get to the border crossing!" didn't sink in, and sure enough, 253 km into their SPRING BREAK ROAD TRIP!!!! the brakes gave way and the right front axel needs to be replaced. Nothing like sinking $1500 into a car worth barely 2 grand.

Anyway, folks, that's all the exciting news on the Megan Front. This is me, signing out from 602 1st St East!

Oh, and surprise, surprise, my cell phone DOES work here! Bring on the barrage of 3am phone calls...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Post About Nothing

Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Lately, Lauren and I have noticed an alarming resemblence between our lives and the show Seinfeld. I'm sure that absolutely everyone has had Seinfeld moments, but this got me thinking. No one ever sees themselves as George- no one wants to be the Costanza of the bunch! Whenever I imagine my life as a Seinfeld plot, I'm always Jerry. Is it because Jerry is the witty observer of most of the mayhem? Do we all identify with his baffled, but identifiable protaganism? He is the "everyman", much like Carrie on that other show I'm addicted to, but really...

I think we're all George. It kills me to admit it, but I'm not even Elaine. I'm definitely not Kramer, but in my life, I'm George. Damn, I'm a sidekick on a defunct sitcom. Please, kill me now.

Don't Hoff till you get enough...

Today's Edition of Meganpiece Theatre brings you the following critically acclaimed delight:

Hasselhoff Video

There is nothing about this video, sent to me by Amanda, sent to her by Janos, that isn't ridiculous.

Apparently, I have been "tagged", so in the next few days (or hours) I'll be delving deep into my inner psyche to answer some of the most challenging questions life has to offer. I cannot wait. I hope it does not require math.

I'd also like to mention that it is innapropriate to ask a girl you met less than a month ago if she'd like to move in with you- "of course, you'll have to wait until my ex-fiance moves out, but she should be gone soon!" Not cool, people. Not cool!

I also feel the need to brag about the fact that I got the only A in my Detective Fiction class, on a paper that I wrote while drugged to the nines and quite flu-ish. I feel that if I had only spent the last 3 years drugged into the abyss, perhaps I would have a 4.0, but I suppose hindsight is 20-20.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Satisfying? I think no.

Monday, February 13, 2006
Tonight's supper was the following culinary delight:

1/2 can of Chick peas, rinsed. Cold. No seasoning. No salt. Nothing.

Mmm, tasty. I think my craving for any kind of chick pea delight isn't satisfied, and now I really want Butter Chicken. Damn.

Tonight, Robert and I are going to see the Cannes Lions reel. I'm excited! 90 minutes of commercials? What more could I want from a Monday that so closely resembled a day I would choose to throw myself out a window?

I'd like to take a moment to gush about my encounter with Watermelon Guy yesterday. He came to see our show, and during intermission, I was scratching Amanda's back. She was so slick with her "Hey, Watermelon Guy, you want in on some of this back scratching?", that the next thing I knew, I was actually TOUCHING him.

I have yet to say anything to him, but you know, that'll come. That'll come.

Oh, and I am now in posession of Sparkle Grover, a child's scarf that looks like the tail of a fuzzy blue Muppet that had been dragged through a discotheque.

Grey's Anatomy

I don't have much to say, except that this is my absolute favourite tv show now. I am reeling. I sobbed tonight like I haven't in years, and the fact that a TV show could make me do that?

Sort of pathetic.

Nice release, though. It's been a few interesting weeks, that's for damn sure, and sometimes a girl just needs to cry. I mean, I was thinking about watching me some Dirty Dancing, but I can officially save that for a later date.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Alone in a Crowd: The Return of Watermelon Guy

Saturday, February 11, 2006
Sometimes, it takes a room full of people to make you fully realize exactly how alone you are.

When I was about to move to Calgary, what seems like a lifetime but was really only four years ago, I had a soul-baring conversation with my best friend Candice. I remember sobbing and telling her how scared I was to leave the town I grew up in, (yes, that I hated so much, that was suffocating and stifling and full of negativity) because it meant doing something I had never had to do- make new friends. Candice has been my best friend for nearly 22 years- I say nearly because I am nearly 22. Up to that point, I'd never been faced with a new town, new classmates, new teachers, a new home, and a sea of strangers. There had always been someone to cling to, and I'd always made it out relatively fine. However, that fateful day in 2002, I realized that I was about to leave that, and enter possibly the scariest situation that exists for me:

Knowing no one.

This may surprise some people that know me, but I'm really shy. I hate going to parties and events where I only know one person, because inevitably they will tire of me, and ditch me for someone else, and I'll be stuck in the corner, talking to a potted plant and an umbrella stand. I don't handle large groups of people well- this is why when confronted with a group of new people, I usually act like a moron. Because I'm terrified that if I don't make them notice me, they won't.

A few years of practice have made it a bit easier to cope, but I usually still freeze or act like a jerk when in a large group. Take, for instance, this evening. I'm sure that the majority of our cast believes I'm an idiot. Why? Because I act like one when we're in show. Why? Because if I didn't, no one would ever acknowlege my existence.

Oh, and yes, the guy of the "I carried a watermelon" fame, yes, he was at the show tonight, and then out for drinks, and no, I did not speak even ONE word to him. Someone, please, put me out of my misery before I go and do something stupid like tattoo his name on my chest and streak across the downtown core, screaming out proclamations of undying love.

Friday, February 10, 2006

This Message is brought to you by the Number 2 and the letters "Late to call"

Friday, February 10, 2006
So, friends, I have to say that even I have a breaking point. In the event that you've never tried, I usually answer my phone at any and all hours of the night, even if I screen my calls like a bandit during the day. The reasoning behind this is that the only reasons to call someone really late at night are an emergency, a personal crisis, or a drunken hilarity. This morning at 5:22 AM, I, Megan Bailey, finally cracked.

Thus, let it be known that from today on, I am NOT answering my phone after 3am. No way. No how. If it can wait until 5 fricking thirty, it can wait until 8am. This message does not include IMMEDIATE family, pizza delivery guys, and any drunk dialing from friends I am out with at the time. However. No calls from boy-toys, flings, random crazies, people from school, long-distance friends or extended family members will be accepted between the hours of 3 and 7 am.

I'd also like to add that I broke the nail on my left middle finger (yes, flipping off someone), and it hurts like a mofo, and typing this was equal to the pain of getting woken up at 5:22 AM on a Thursday by a drunken nitwit that wants you to come over and cuddle.


Oh, and word. Go see our play, fools. It's called "Prisoner's Dilemma", and it shows at the Pumphouse until the 18th o' Feb. Call (403) 263-0079 for tix.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Shoutout to Mon Frere

Thursday, February 09, 2006
Hey, Sibbie!



Congrats on the RSA Presidency. I know this is hella late, but better late than never, right? (btw, that's not a reasurring thing to tell your girlfriend in the event of a "scare"...just for future reference.) I'm proud of you, even if I did tell you as a child that you were being tested for low intelligence, and caused you to have stitches to the head during the grey cup, and hit you in the face with a broom, and tormented you endlessly...I was a really bad sister. However, now that you've come into your own, I just want you to know that I'm proud. I'm lucky to have a little brother like you, and for once and for all, no, I would not trade you for an icecream cone, nor would I try to give you back to the Hutterites.


In other news, someone I know, and I'm totally not about to name names, "lost" almost $500 worth of hash. I'm not condoning hash use, nor am I encouraging it, and I don't partake, but as the week has passed, this brick has changed in size from something the size of my head to apparently the size of a deck of cards. I feel like we need to call Sherlock Holmes, get us a little Hounds of Hash-kervilles action out here.

Okay, I was the only one that thought that was funny. I'm sick. Don't hate! Besides, I just mentioned my totally drug-free brother and the Hash-capedes 2006 in the same blog post. Gotta be worth something.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Take a Letter, Maria...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006
The following is a postcard I recieved from my immune system.


Dear Megan,

Mexico is beautiful! I really hate to let you down like this, but you know, it's been a tough year, and we all need a break sometime. I know I kind of went AWOL this summer, with that whole Strep-Tonsilitis-Mono-A-Ganza, but c'mon! That whole antibiotics-by-IV trick was really sneaky. Sure, I didn't like the oral antibiotics, especially that doxy-whatever one, but you know that, because you've never been so violently ill. And it's flu season- everyone's got it, you wouldn't want to be left out, would you?

Anywho, Jose calls from the bar... Have fun, and remember- drink lots of fluids!

Your Immune System

Monday, February 06, 2006

Mom wouldn't be proud

Monday, February 06, 2006
Oh, my beef stew was a disaster. I'm not going to go out and say that I'm a domestic goddess- the opposite, really. If I don't have to make it, I'll love it, I guarantee. That said, I am able to cook, at least certain things. Apparently Beef Stew is not one of them.

Flavourless, watery, not enough meat, and dumplings that tasted like glue. Man, I should have gone to Bona Roma with Sarah and Richard. I guess we can take "good cook" off the list of qualities I have to attract a mate. Sorry, Grandma.

That said, I seem to only attract crazies, so maybe that's not a bad thing.

It hurts to live!

At some point between Sunday morning at 5:00am and Saturday night at 10:00pm, I became ill. I hate being sick, because that means I become whiny and vulnerable, and just want my mother. Fortunately for me (but unfortunately for her...), Lauren seems to be struck with the same "I feel like I've been smoking for 25 years" grossness.

You know what would make me feel better? Grandma Olga's goulash. I decided that I'd make some, but about halfway through the inital prep, I realized I have no paprika. Beef stew it is, I guess.

I have nothing epic or interesting to say, except to comment that ONCE AGAIN, Adam Berti failed to recognize me, and this is sad as we have a) been living in the same damn rez buildings for 4 years, b) that we have many mutual friends, c) are in the SAME DEGREE PROGRAM and d) he should at least recognize me from somewhere!! For the love of god.

In my next life, I want to come back as a lavalamp.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Red Slobster

Friday, February 03, 2006
Every 6 months, Lauren and I make a holy pilgrimage to Red Lobster on 16th. We need to do this, so we can eat those biscuits (you know EXACTLY the ones I mean, don't you!) and consume more shrimp than we can lift. Now that my friend Lee works there, you'd think I'd be jonesing to go far more often, but today I reaffirmed the "twice a year is enough" manifesto.

Who is at Red Lobster at 3:45pm on a Friday? Well, let me tell you, it was a blue-haired paradise. We really stood out, Lauren and I, with our lack of laugh lines, the hips we were brought into this world with, and perm-free hairdos. But another odd couple stood out a little more...

The hostess (a crusty dungeon tart was she!) seated what appeared to be a mother and teenaged son behind us. However, after some clever eavesdropping, and catching the phrase "you smoke- I can taste it on you" uttered by the "mom", Lauren decided there must be some Mrs. Robinson action going on. This lead to much humming of the Simon and Garfunkel tune, and then lewd gestures in the parking lot. I tell you, it's mayhem when you eat that much shellfish in the afternoon. Call me old-fashioned, but there is no reason a middle aged woman should be fraternizing with a 17 year old boy. I don't fraternize with teenagers.

Well, Slobster- see you in July!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

1984

Thursday, February 02, 2006
I have been watching entirely too much MuchMoreMusic. Tonight we are presented with a VH1 Special about the music of '84, which just so happens to be the best year ever. Why? Well, MTV was brand new- and so was I. Thriller, Madonna, Band Aid, Boy George, Cyndi Lauper, Huey Lewis, Bruce Springstein, Prince, Van Halen, U2- what more could you ask for?! Oh, right- WHAM! Toss some Reagan in there, and you've got one hell of a year.

All this reflection brings to mind another year- my first year of University here in Calgary. I remember sitting in Angie and Angie's room on 3R, listening to "Freshmen" by Verve Pipe over and over and over again. The angst, the confusion, the freedom, all rolled into a wine cooler and sourpuss saturated blurr. "If I knew then what I knew now," we all so commonly say- but who would've ever guessed that in 4 years, almost all my friends from First Year would no longer be in University, be in Calgary, or even be friends. Obviously, Second Year was a drug-drink-sexually confused year, but nothing could ever compare to that first year of staying out late, skipping class to hang out at the mall or go to the bar, meeting hundreds of new people in the matter of days, and forging friendships in hours.

In honour of all this waxing poetic- I bring to you the website I designed for my CPSC 201 class- this was actually a project I got an A on. Sheesh, some people have bad taste! Just be glad I'm not reminiscing about high school...the world isn't ready for that kind of shame just yet. (Note: to see some of that shame, check out the photo gallery on that website)

And today's annoyance: Not only did Jessica "I'm so overexposed, but not as over exposed as Paris-not-only-can-you-SEE-my hoo-haw-but-it-no-longer-shocks you-Hilton" Simpson cover one of the best feminist anthems ever and ruined it, but then she (well, SHE didn't change them, let us not give her that much credit) changed the words for a pizza hut commercial. I want to die, and for the sake of the world, I'm taking her with me.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Wednesday: it hurts to live!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Today, I feel like this:

But at least I don't feel like this:


I love you, Carmen!