Saturday, February 11, 2006

Alone in a Crowd: The Return of Watermelon Guy

Saturday, February 11, 2006
Sometimes, it takes a room full of people to make you fully realize exactly how alone you are.

When I was about to move to Calgary, what seems like a lifetime but was really only four years ago, I had a soul-baring conversation with my best friend Candice. I remember sobbing and telling her how scared I was to leave the town I grew up in, (yes, that I hated so much, that was suffocating and stifling and full of negativity) because it meant doing something I had never had to do- make new friends. Candice has been my best friend for nearly 22 years- I say nearly because I am nearly 22. Up to that point, I'd never been faced with a new town, new classmates, new teachers, a new home, and a sea of strangers. There had always been someone to cling to, and I'd always made it out relatively fine. However, that fateful day in 2002, I realized that I was about to leave that, and enter possibly the scariest situation that exists for me:

Knowing no one.

This may surprise some people that know me, but I'm really shy. I hate going to parties and events where I only know one person, because inevitably they will tire of me, and ditch me for someone else, and I'll be stuck in the corner, talking to a potted plant and an umbrella stand. I don't handle large groups of people well- this is why when confronted with a group of new people, I usually act like a moron. Because I'm terrified that if I don't make them notice me, they won't.

A few years of practice have made it a bit easier to cope, but I usually still freeze or act like a jerk when in a large group. Take, for instance, this evening. I'm sure that the majority of our cast believes I'm an idiot. Why? Because I act like one when we're in show. Why? Because if I didn't, no one would ever acknowlege my existence.

Oh, and yes, the guy of the "I carried a watermelon" fame, yes, he was at the show tonight, and then out for drinks, and no, I did not speak even ONE word to him. Someone, please, put me out of my misery before I go and do something stupid like tattoo his name on my chest and streak across the downtown core, screaming out proclamations of undying love.

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