Monday, March 13, 2006

Countdown to Doog: 4 More Sleeps

Monday, March 13, 2006
Yep, I was correct in my assesment of past "relationships". They should stay in the past. I'm sorry, if you happen to be reading this and at one point dated me, but really...

I need not continue with this. I will, however, list the attributes that I will NO LONGER tolerate in potential love interests:

-uneducated (school of life or an accredited institution, you pick.)
-unemployed (exempt if you are currently a student at an accredited institution)
-has ever been homeless
-has ever done time in the prison system
-is currently married or engaged
-refrains from using words with more than 3 syllables.
-thinks that romance=a half sack and a cold pizza. (sometimes it is...but sometimes, damn, it sure isn't.)
-does not understand how a phone works...or feels the need to call me all. the. time.
-is carrying a truckload of emotional baggage. Dude, I have enough of my own, I can't help you with yours.
-goes by the nickname "lunchbox" (sorry, Lauren)
-is someone I feel I should be dating 'justcause'
-does not know how to use a toaster.
-is living with mom and dad and has no plans of leaving anytime soon...
-does not drive. Not as in, doesn't have a car...more as in, doesn't have a license.
-thinks that art, theatre, science, literature, and current news events are "boring, pointless and stupid"

Of course, that is not an exhaustive list. I'm sure I can think of some more to add...after Lent is over, and I go back to dating. Feel free to suggest more...god knows I need all the help I can get with this screening process.


backstagebetty said...

"More dicks in '06" has gone by the wayside.
No meaningless sex at all it seems.
As such, I've changed the slogan for the year to:
"2006: the 6 is for Abs." or perhaps:
"2006: the 6 is for packs."
That way you could still pack in some dicks...once lent is over.

Good one eh?

Meg said...

Aww, I'd forgotten the drunken New Years slogan! I do remember shouting it when we got home from that place we went...ooh, hazy drunken memories.

Evil Cousin said...

See, this list just shows why you will only ever date gay men. Too picky to date straight men.


Meg said...

Please note that "Dates Only Women" was not on the list...that would be like eliminating 98% of my dating pool!

backstagebetty said...

How about dates women period?!!
You can still date bisexual guys, but I really think that you should lean away from the full on homosexuals.