Thursday, July 27, 2006

Watermelon Season?

Thursday, July 27, 2006
Oh yes. Oh yes, my friends. I saw the infamous Watermelon Guy (because face it, he'll never BE famous) today when I was walking to work. I wonder, now, what the hell I was thinking.

Really. What kind of late-20s-early-30s aged guy goes to work dressed like a seven year old child?! Is this part of the watermelon appeal? The floppy hair, the teva sandals, the cartoon tshirt and matching backpack?!

w. t. f.

Now I realize that he and Ms. Calves are perfect for each other. Neither one is willing to face reality and accept their chump status. (Is the feminine form of chump 'chumpette'? Or is it a gender neutral term?)

That's all I have to say. Oh, and that I fear the the bruises I have on my knees from writhing on the floor in, ahem, 'dance class' last night may never fade. Nor will the hurt of my pride ever go away.

copyranter: What Tie Domi will be wearing when he gets his weekly mani/pedi.

copyranter: What Tie Domi will be wearing when he gets his weekly mani/pedi.

THIS is disturbing. Not surprising, because we all know that the Leafs are totally femme. That's why they always lose.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Today's Top Story

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
At 12:08 am on Tuesday, Calgary’s millionth citizen was born. Little baby Dash or whatever his name is received a white hat (a Calgary tradition- usually cowboy hats- Bebe got a toque- for our local celebrities and honored guests to the city). His parents got thousands of dollars of swag. (free West Jet tickets! An Enmax credit! A park bench dedicated to their spawn that will inevitably serve as a bed for the homeless in some skeezy park!) Not a bad deal- and yes, I will even admit that I like the name Dashiel and he’s quite cute. (His mom is from Saskatchewan- that must be why.)

The same article I read in the Herald claims that the population of Calgary increases by 98 people daily, 71 of them moving here from elsewhere. No WONDER there’s a shortage of housing. Parking. Space on the Deerfoot. Seats on Transit that don’t involve being groped by a weird smelling old man. A massive line at Cowboys. (Wait- you can keep going there, because I don’t!)

People of Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Newfoundland, PEI- I BEG you. STOP MOVING HERE. Seriously. We’ve got gangs! (Just ask the Calgary Sun) We’ve got homeless! Commuting disasters! STAY AWAY! Yeah, you might here of the boom, and think you’d like to get a piece of that, but trust me. Unless you’re a welder, and you want to move to Ft. Mac- which trust me, I’ve never seen it, but I wouldn’t want to move there!- finding a job isn’t as easy as one might think. Oh, and then once you FIND a job, it’s highly, highly unlikely that you’ll be able to find a place to live that doesn’t eat up two thirds of your salary. Funny, how wages haven’t increased proportionately to the cost of living here.

And forget about trying to park anywhere near the Ctrain. Or Chinook Centre, for that matter.

Trust me. Stay where you are, or…move to Edmonton.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Other Side

Tuesday, July 25, 2006
We're interviewing at our office. Again. It's really interesting, though, to see the process from the other side, having gone through it myself so recently. I've already made my bet as to who it'll be, and my boss hasn't seen everyone yet.

So far:

-2 non-descript but enthusiastic girls
-glasses journalismschool dude
-middle-aged beige suit lady
-formal black suit sales guy

one more to go money's on glasses journalism dude.

In other meganuse, I've discovered that caring for 2 large dogs and 2 surly cats is kind of like having 3 infants and a surly teenager. Yet another reason NOT to have thechildrens, even if thechildrens wouldn't shed on all my black clothes. I've also discovered that "hmm. I should go water the garden" really translates into 2 hours of obsessive-compulsive weeding, thinning, trimming, and arranging. I'm so not cut out for this!

AND. My "give up starbucks" attempt? so far, I have broken down twice, in hot pursuit of a frappucino. Pretty good, considering I used to harbour a twice-a-day habit. The downside of this? My insatiable lust for Diet Coke has only increased.

Damn you, delicious, caffienated, carbonated, sugar-free treat. I'd switch to the sexy new pink Tab, but it's pricey.

Monday, July 24, 2006


Monday, July 24, 2006
When things go wrong, it's one thing if you can blame someone or something else. "I was late because the bus was running late." "I didn't get that report to you because our server was down" or "The only book the library had on my topic was out, so my paper's late".

But when you only have yourself to blame, it's something entirely different. For example, "I knew that van was parked there. I was aware of its existence, I saw it, there were no distractions. It was my own stupid fault that I backed directly into it."

Fortunately, I'm not paying rent for the months of July and August, so paying off that deductable?

So much for new shoes.

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Thursday, July 20, 2006
Emergency Post! This is NOT a Test!

From the pages of Marie Claire...

Stirrup pants are back.

Oh, the humanity.


Why, in a city of a million, rich with oil money and booming like nobody's business, are there 3,500 homeless people?

Why is there someone sleeping in the park across the street from my office?

Why, if Alberta has such an outrageous labour shortage, is ANYONE unemployed?

Why does the cellist in the mural in the plus15 outside my office look EXACTLY like Billy Joel?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Mmm, a back seat full of towels. White towels. White towels with my name and high school graduation date embroidered on them in navy. I highly doubt that they are colourfast. This is what is in my car, along with a trunk full of my earthly possessions. I’m moving today, ohjoyohbliss. Hopefully only once more again this year, and then for the next 12 months, I’m staying put.

Today at lunch, I enjoyed sitting beside what must be the world’s largest wading pool, in Olympic Plaza. There I was, enjoying a veggie samosa that I bought for 2 bucks, listening to the steel drum band, and I could swear that I was almost somewhere other than Calgary. I have to admit, this work thing- it rocks. The amount of accountability and trust I have to establish really motivates me- there is no one looking over my shoulder, watching me fold stuff or pack miniscule chocolates into ridiculously small boxes. I don’t have to clean deep fryers, nor do I run the risk of burn scars from the outrageously hot pizza oven. I really dig this. I think it helps that I work in the arts, and that the ‘bottom line’ and ‘shareholder concerns’ aren’t what it’s all about here. Yeah, profit matters, and no, we don’t want to horrifically offend any community members (why we chose our second play of the season, then, is beyond me…). But when it comes right down to it, I work for a company that produces actual, lasting, meaningful contributions to society.

Best part of it? I didn’t have to sell my soul- or learn to golf.

Monday, July 17, 2006

My So-Called, Semi-Charmed, etc etc Life

Monday, July 17, 2006
Wahoo for moving. Today, our receptionist asked me for my address to add to the company directory. Simple enough- unless you find yourself shacking up at no real fixed address until September 30. I explained that I'll be living in 3, count 'em, THREE, different places between now and then, and that if she'd like, she could just use my cell number instead of constantly updating my address.

This is also problematic as the Alberta Motor Vehicle Operators Whatever, also known as a Driver's License, requires an address. The Saskie ID has no such requirement- hell, it's a picture of me and some holographic wheat. And another picture of me, tiny-sized, for security purposes. Aside from the fact that it looks like I made it in my basement, I dig my Flatskatch Photo ID. I do not look forward to swapping provincial identities once and for all, even if it means the potential Ralph Bucks sent my way in February.

Other exciting Megavents coming up:

Tomorrow, I'm heading over to the Auburn (as Jon said, trendy theatre bar a-go-go) for the Nominee Annoucements of the Bettys. Woot, hob-nob (with celebrities!). Did I mention I get paid for that?

Ma Cousine Erin (alas, we are not french, merely cheap Hungarian/GermansfromRussia knock-offs) is coming to visit on Wednesday!

I'm moving into a new home! On Wednesday! One that comes complete with two large dogs and two surly cats. Please come visit me and my menagerie any time. Especially if you know how to drive a standard and are able to instruct me in this subtle art.


Friday, July 14, 2006

My Baby Takes the Mornin' Train...

Friday, July 14, 2006
And so I find myself, commuting to downtown from the SW every morning. It's only for about a week- 3 more work days, anyway, until I move into my house-sitting home for the next 2 months. No sweat, right? 15 minute bus, 15 minute train ride- really not that bad of a commute. Yesterday, in the Herald, I read that the average Calgarian commutes 66 minutes a day, up 10 minutes from the last time the survey was taken a few years ago.

Commuting for over an hour every day allows me a lot of thinking time. Oh, and did I mention eye-candy time?

There is this guy. He takes the bus home in the evenings at the same time as me, and we get off at the same stop. I'm almost entirely sure that I'm not exactly "his type", if you get my drift...but still, he's very cute.

Today, he got on the train one stop after me, and due to stupid stupid Stampede, we ended up smashed together like sardines. 15 minutes, pressed up against my transit crush?

I should really seek therapy for my inappropriate commute fantasies.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Spare Time?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006
So I'm just going to come right out and say it- I'm struggling with an internal conflict here. As you're all sick of hearing, I've got this new job- that just so happens to be essentially the same job as my major volunteer committments. Cool, right?

Well- I love my job. I like my volunteer work. I don't love that they are the same thing. How, exactly, am I supposed to "escape" from the daily grind with the exact same tasks?

There's also the matter of a conflict of interest- a lot of the contacts and information that I'm privvy to at work...probably (not probably, actually) shouldn't be used on the side. This I know, but it's a bit difficult in a scene as small as Calgary.

On the other hand- I absolutely HATE backing out of things, and letting people down. The community theatre scene in Calgary is hurtin'- don't get me wrong, it's 'lively and vivid and full of vitality' and by NO means do they "need" me...but they need all the help they can get.

So, dear friends, I ask you this- what to do? I probably just need to get this off my chest and into the world, so bear with me.

Besides, with all that time...I could...have children?


Monday, July 10, 2006

Megan's First Day of Work

Monday, July 10, 2006
(sounds like a children's book, eh? maybe a choose-your-own-adventure!)

Today I started my new job. I could NOT sleep last night, be it the result of nerves or a raging thunderstorm is up for interpretation. Anyway, after about 3 hours of sleep, I shipped off on the packed, cramped train for my new office.

I think I'm going to really like this job. I do believe so. I got a tour of the inner workings of the Epcor centre, some creepy archives, and the low-down and the what-for.

In other news, you know what REALLY irritates me? Tourists that stand DIRECTLY INFRONT OF the ctrain ticket validation machine. Especially when I'm running across the platform trying to validate my ticket with one hand and hold the train door with the other. Megan's arms are not long enough to successfully accomplish this task.

Stampede Visitors, please move your free-pancake and mini-donut bloated behinds, or I'll be forced to unleash...something. I'll figure it out, don't you worry, and boy, it won't be pretty!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Broadcasting Live, from Flatskatchewan

Thursday, July 06, 2006
Hello, Blog Reader(s).

I'm at the lake in Saskatchewan, Jackfish Lake, to be precise. My family has been coming here for 20 years, and I figured it would be a fitting place for my last vacation before I start work on Monday. Since putting 900-or-so kilometers on my car (Calgary to Saskatoon, Saskatoon to Battleford, Battleford to the Lake, etc) I have spent 2 days at the beach, sunburning every single imaginable part of my pasty whitegirl body, countless hours napping, and about 20 minutes trying to teach my dog how to swim.

Dogs? Unless they are born natural swimmers, cannot be taught.

At any rate, I'm relaxed to the point of seeking out an internet connection, so I think it must be time to return to civilization and soothe my sunburn.

Aloe, anyone?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

A Fitting End

Saturday, July 01, 2006
4 years ago, my first University final exam was for Will Holden's ECON 201: Micro Economics. I remember being so petrified that I asked Dave, the Aussie Exchange Student that everyone was infatuated with, to break my right arm so that I wouldn't have to write the exam. Apparently, things turned out fine- I passed the class, no fractured limbs required.

2 years ago, I failed the intro course for my concentration. I was pretty sure that was it for me, that I was doomed to return to Bugtussle and live out the rest of my life at the Co-op. Apparently, things turned out more than fine, because this is my 3rd semester as a grading assistant for that very course.

6 hours ago, I finished my very last exam of my undergraduate degree, Food Culture 403. The exam, an essay of 9 pages, took me 37 minutes, including the time spent waiting for the prof to finish marking my paper. I could care less how things turned out, because there is no mathematical way that I could have failed that exam, and thusly, failed the course.

Besides. I have a job. I've got a place to live- for free- until the end of the summer. I celebrated the end of my degree with stuffed yorkies of two varieties at the Kilkenny, and a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Plaza.

Apparently, in the life of Megan, (at least this chapter) things turned out fine.