Sunday, December 31, 2006

NYE, WTF?

Sunday, December 31, 2006
So. It's New Year's Eve again. Damn, I swear this holiday hits far too often. I mean, I love the Fromage specials, and the 'Top 200 Videos of the 2000s' possibly more than the next girl- I'm a trivia junkie (As was made completely evident when I swept, tromped, and triumphed over the rest of the Baileys in 4 consecutive games of Scene It...). But I sort of hate the "BEST PARTY EVER!" mindset that so many fall for.

Look. It's near impossible to get a taxi. It's January, therefore, strappy sexy shoes and bare legs are a bad call. My favourite brunch places are likely to be closed tomorrow morning. Drinks are three times as much as they are any other night. Cover charges, which I generally refuse to pay, are inevitable.

The last time I went out to a bar on NYE, I woke up the next morning half dressed, in my living room, and found that I had somehow decided to make a peanut butter sandwich in the shower, which resulted in pb AND j smeared all over the tub and bathroom sink. Yikes. In previous years, I've broken high heels, stood in freezing cold wintery storms, and upchucked under a sofa and priceless antique silk quilt.

Last year, I spent the eve playing drinking games and eating fondue in Saskatoon with friends. This year, I'm spending the eve with more different friends, at what will likely be a fun but low-key party in a hotel suite rented to celebrate Kev's birthday. I'm excited, but not more excited than I am on any other weekend evening through the year...which I feel is the perfect set-up for a fun, stress-and-expectations free evening.

And I mean, if all else fails, I'll just get all kissyface with...myself?

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Happy Bloggiversary!

Saturday, December 30, 2006
That's right, today marks one full year of blogging. I was in the shower earlier today, thinking about what I was going to write to celebrate this monumentous occasion. I thought about doing a year-in-review, or a best-of, or a lessons-learned. But I can't seem to muster the energy for any of those tired ideas, so I'll just let this day pass quietly, like a birthday ending in the digit 7 (no one really celebrates those, have you noticed? "Ooh, I'm 37. Whoop.")

Tomorrow I'll be back in Calgary, whooping it up legitimately at Kevin's XXX Birthday party. I'm ashamed to say that it took me a long time to figure out what the "XXX" meant- I never did that well with Roman Numerals.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Small Town Bars

Friday, December 29, 2006
Last night I ventured out into the mean streets of Eatonia to hit up the local watering hole with a few people I graduated from High School with. 4 of us showed up, which, when you consider that there was only 15 of us to begin with- pretty good odds. One of those individuals may or may not have been the boy I was desperately in luff with for six bloody angsty teen years- but am completely over now, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, I fluffed up my hair, put in some big hoop earrings, and headed to Gary's Place, or whatever the hell it's called now.

It used to be the Greek restaurant, where we'd go for dry ribs and 'coffee', but because I had yet to experience the caffiene highs and lows of first year university, that really meant diet coke. Then it was closed for awhile, until the real bar in Eatonia burnt down one fateful January night.

Anyway, this bar serves up your choice of Pilsner: Premium or Regular. Unsure of the options, I went with Regular- I didn't want to seem all uppity and citified. It does, for the record, still taste like the warm urine of horses.

The locals have that charm that comes with expressions like "I seen your new truck in the ditch by the river" and "your old lady let you out of the house tonight?". Also charming was the gentleman who complimented me on my 'rack', and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride in his truck. I declined, as I went to school with his wife/babymama.

Well, that's all that's fit to print about my harrowing night on the town in the Skatch. I'm praying for a return to Original Joe's or Rembrants in Calgary, where the Rickards Red and Strongbow flow freely from taps and I don't have to worry about being hit on by a relative.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

So quiet...

Thursday, December 28, 2006
There is no place I can imagine that is darker at night than rural Saskatchewan. Maybe the upper parts of northern Canada, but then you have the Northern Lights to deal with, and then moon reflecting off the tundra, and all sorts of other poetic notions. Or maybe Siberia, or uninhabitated inner regions of the rain forest. But for my money, the still of Saskatchewan around midnight is both peaceful and eerie.

Last night I was driving back to my Mom and Dad's house. I'd gone out to my friend's farm to visit after dinner, and it wasn't snowing in Eatonia yet, so the roads were pretty clear. Candice and I ate cheezies and listened to Cat Stevens and talked smack about the people we grew up with (mostly loving smack, but smack nonetheless) and discussed polyamoury. Typical Tuesday night chatter in Nowheresville, SK.

When it was time to go home, I cranked up the Morrissey on my dad's car stereo, turned on the highbeams and set off on the gravel road. It's about 8 miles to town, give or take, and there was not a single car on the entire stretch of road. I'm so used to driving on Calgary's overcrowded, orangey haze streets that it was beyond creepy. All of the stories I remember hearing and telling about ghostly women in white on the side of the road, and dead farmers from the 1930s came slamming back... I think I checked the backseat twice, and finally turned the music up so loud I couldn't hear myself think.

The only other place that is darker and quieter is the guest bedroom in my parents' basement. I think I've got myself so spooked that I'll be sleeping in the living room with the lights on for the rest of the week.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Day after Boxing Day Post

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Still lounging. Getting used to the concept of moving from horizontal position and no longer eating massive amounts of sweet and savoury treats (and wild africa liqueur). Heading back to Eatonia today. Disliking proper sentence structure.

Abbey hopes you had as great a Christmas as she did. Did you get a cute sweater, too?

Monday, December 25, 2006

Happy Holidays!

Monday, December 25, 2006
Whatever one you celebrate, I hope you have a warm and safe holiday!

I'm going back to lounging beside a massive pile of prezzies, waiting for turkey. Mmm...turkey.

Friday, December 22, 2006

!

Friday, December 22, 2006
Let it be known....

Alan F. makes the BEST. MIX. CDs. EVER.

that is all. happy friday, I'm off to see Moby Dick, the Musical.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

So Much For A Career in Modelling!

Thursday, December 21, 2006
Derek Zoolander I am not...

This is a lovely photo taken for my convocation a few weeks ago. Clearly, when Mom prints this in the Kindersley Clarion, the people I grew up around will only have the following to say:


"Well. There's that Megan Bailey. She looks rather bloated, and her hair's quite limp, dontcha think?"

I spend 4 and a half bloody years trying to prove to myself and everyone else that you can take the country out of the girl, and when it comes down to photographic proof, I look like I'm having the worst hair year of my life, when in reality I had spent almost TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS on a haircut the week before.

I think you can actually see the heartbreak in those eyes.

Sorry, Mom. Your daughter is many things, but photogenic, she is not.

Oh, and here's one with the hat.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

What Kind Of Crazy?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately- especially the blogs of single women. Crawling through the blogosphere, I've found that reading the guts of strangers can be quite the entertaining way to spend a lunch hour, sanity break, or evening home alone. I've also found that I am perhaps not as crazy as I initially thought.

Now, I'm pretty nuts. This I know. Anyone who refers to herself in the third person as "Meganude", frequently makes sounds that sound like the Xena Warrior Princess Battle Cry, and is willing (and excited!) to sit through many hours of Doogie Howser, MD on DVD has to be a little off in the head. However, as a single girl, while I frequently lament and whine and bitch, and call my friends to 'talk me down from my crazy', I think I keep it pretty reeled in.

I manage to supress the urge to send angry emails. I don't go to the taxidermist, pick out a stuffed, dead animal and fedex it to the office of the guy that I feel wronged me. I don't do drive-bys, I don't call and hang up at 4 in the morning, and I haven't thrown rotting produce at anyone's condo. That doesn't mean I don't occasionally want to do those things, but I just don't. I don't do sobbing phone calls to ex boyfriends, , nor do I stalk through the interwebs their new ladyfriends.

So, I can't help but wonder- what kind of crazy am I, and would being the crazy mentioned above make for more interesting bloggging?

Just something to think about as the megablog nears its first birthday.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Following Post May Be Slightly Parent-Inappropriate

Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Don't you just love it when the person behind you at the checkout in Safeway is so incredibly obnoxious that you just want to turn around, shoot them a withering stare, and smack them for insinuating that you are going home to eat frozen lasagna, read marie claire and watch sex and the city in your sweats, regardless of whether that is in fact the proposed itinerary for the evening?!

It's been a long freaking week already. It's but Tuesday. When faced with an outrageously chachi (not Joanie Loves, but obnoxious, becologned, hair-gelled asshole) dude behind me in line making what he thinks are the wittiest cracks in years starts putting down his groceries, one can't help but glance. When Mr. WiseAss puts down a box of Magnums and winks, the ONLY thing I could do was look him up and down, smirk, and ask,

"Do you always do your roommate's shopping?"

Mistaken Identity

Frequently, I find myself out and about and 'recognized' by strangers. More often than not, these people think I'm their boyfriend's cousin, or their best friend from highschool's sister, or someone they worked with in university, or a random Old Navy employee. Alas and Alack, I am usually not. I have determined that I must have, at any given time, about 15 world-wide doppelgangers. It happens so often that I've decided to alternate between giving blank stares, playing along, and offering a chipper smiling apology.

On a similar note, when I bump into people I've actually met, they never (well, hardly ever) recognize or remember me. Therefore, I must look really familiar and not familiar at all at the same time. Weird.

Anyway, I swear this had a point.

Last night while doing some Christmas Shopping at Chapters, the girl who was ringing in my purchases asked me, "Oh! Are you Lorne's Megan?"

No, lady, I am currently No-one's-but-my-own Megan. I stared blankly, picked up my bag and left.

I started my car, drove down the street, and realized that she said Lauren, not Lorne, and that yes, I knew her, and I guess I would be, by her definition, Lauren's Megan.

Damn.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Ladies' Night

Sunday, December 17, 2006
Saturday night found me party hopping, once again. I tell you, dear bloggers, that if I have to strap myself into a pushup bra and cocktail dress and subject my feet to the torment that is strappy high heels ONE MORE TIME before we enter the glorious year of 2007, I might go bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Anyway. So after I met the Rose Crew at the Kilkenny, I headed home to change out of my cheeky tshirt and jeans and into the aforementioned holiday getup. Dear Angie from Olds came down, and we headed out on the town, as only two gals in their early twenties can do, ignoring the frigid temperatures and throwing caution (and pantyhose-wearing-conventions) to the wind. Sensibility be damned, we're going to have fun tonight!

Unfortunately, our plan to Martini Crawl down Stephen Avenue, from Urban Hotspot to Shi-Shi Cocktail Bar was foiled by an abundance of "Closed, Private Party" signs.

We settled in at one of the few open restaurant-lounges downtown, revelling in our sparkly eyeshadow and tiny impractical handbags. Much to my luck (as Dear Angie is in one of those old-school monogamous committed relationships), seated at the table next to us were two very attractive dudes. Two attractive dudes wearing the same sweater, but you can't win 'em all, you know?

Attractive Dude Number One (ADNO) glances over. My bellini arrives. ADNO glances over again. We make eye contact. My second bellini arrives. ADNO continues to gaze in my direction. Coyly, I continue peeking at him over the rim of my martini glass. Attractive Dude Number Two looks over. Both dudes look over. More eye contact, more bellinis, more eyelash batting, and I can't really handle any more of this. I subtly smile, and start to slide off my barstool, determined to go talk to the dudes. I glance back over my shoulder to check my reflection in the glass windows.

It is then that I realize that the tv, playing the Leafs game, is located directly above my head. No WONDER they were so captivated.

Friday, December 15, 2006

You're Only As Old As The Music You Listen To...

Friday, December 15, 2006
Happy Birthday, DAD!

Early Resolutions

I'm a little early here, but bear with me.

Next year, I resolve to entertain in my own home at least once.

Next year, I resolve to finally start putting the stack of business cards in my desk drawer in a rolodex (which would be a stellar xmas present for the Megan if someone out there is still looking...)

Next year, I resolve to try to limit my nervous laughter in social situations that might involve interaction with people I will see again. No one likes the weird girl in the corner who can't stop the awkward, high-pitched giggle.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Ow! My Whole Being Hurts!

Thursday, December 14, 2006
Further Evidence That I'm Actually Becoming My Mother, or, Party Lessons Learned

1. I steer clear of the chocolate fountain and head directly towards the red wine bar.
2. Although delectable, Appetizers don't actually count as dinner. Neither do the calories, as they are consumed standing up.
3. I blame my morning-after fuzzies not on the copious, aforementioned red wine consumption, nor the late night, but the heels I was wearing. Drinking in heels automatically results in thrice the morning-after hurt.
4. When in doubt, the best thing to do at a party where you know next to no one is to laugh loudly and pretend you're having the best. time. ever.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

You Schmooze, You...Lose?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006
It's 45 minutes until the BigCity Newspaper Christmas Party starts at the Palliser, and I'm sitting at my desk in hiking boots and jeans, aching for another coffee and a massive bottle of Advil.

Under my desk, rolled in a ball and stuffed into my large and weighty (shoulder dislocation in the near future could be a possibility) purse is my black all-purpose cocktail dress (I have several, actually- a girl can never have enough all-purpose cocktail dresses), some eye makeup, a sparkly lip gloss, and two pairs of black heels, because as of 8:32 this morning, the verdict was still out on open vs. closed-toe.

I do love getting dressed to party in the office bathroom.

Wish me luck- my horoscope actually says that today is a good day for 'schmoozing'...but does not warn me to stay away from the open bar.

Giftmas

Last night, I braved the mall and tried to start my Festivus shopping. It's a little-known MeganFact that I am a shopper of Olympic proportions. I can shop like Tiger Woods can golf, like Martha can decorate, and like Tom Cruise can alienate his fans. It's my ultimate mad skill.

But this year, it seems that I've run out of steam. The gifts on my list are for the people I love- but I've been loving the same people for upwards of two decades now. I've given every possible gift known to man. I'm totally out of ideas. I feel that if I wasn't so wrapped up in giving the penultimate gifts, this wouldn't be a problem...but the madwoman in me is hellbent on this Christmas being the best Christmas ever.

And so, I plead to you, Family of Mine, to remember that Christmas isn't all about the gifts. Particularly when you open the unimaginative, repetitive, frantic-last-minute-selected prezzies I place under the tree this year.

Oh, and if anyone has any ideas as to what I can buy my 16 year old male cousin Matthew, I'd love you forever if you'd tell me.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Mystery Textures!

Monday, December 11, 2006

What could this be?



I don't know, but whatever it is has toggles...

Sunday, December 10, 2006

It's Time To Light the Lights...

Sunday, December 10, 2006
What's going on at my house right now?

Lauren, Matt and I are watching The Muppet Show on DVD. Seriously, there is no better Sunday evening viewing. The only thing that would make this better is if Christopher Walken was the guest host.

Oh man. Christopher Walken. Hilarity would ensue.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Sniffles

Friday, December 08, 2006
Blechk, I feel like my head is full of elephants. I only had one coffee today, and that could be to blame- so could the lack of breakfast and my dangerously low blood sugar levels- but I think that I would be moving much faster if I didn't feel like my eyes were going to burst forth from their sockets.

I'm definitely going to need a disco nap before I head out on my circuit of festivities this evening.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Ebay Virgin

Thursday, December 07, 2006
So I admit it- I've never bought anything off ebay.

One would assume, with my natural, god-given, world-renowned shopping prowess, that I would have exhausted every imaginable shopping angle known to mankind.

But no. It seems so...foreign...and...cuthroat...and...frightening.

But I think it's worth a shot. Any tips?

Nicest Thing Ever!

The Captain of the Good Ship Insert Theatre Company Name Here just handed out the nicest thing.

One of our longtime subscribers has given each staff member here a Coop Grocery Gift Card. Mr. McGillvray, thank you so much! You just made the day of one very hungry Publicist!

It's Big, It's Hot, Why Doesn't It Kill Us All?

The sun is shining through my office window with such burning intensity that I can only liken it to the fever of Beatlemania, or my hatred for Duran Duran. It burns my eyes as it bounces off the slushy mess of a parking lot across the street. I constantly dress in layers, because while it's sunny warm now, by the time I leave for the day, it will be dark again and likely much colder.

While I'm sure that the Vitamin D I'm absorbing will, in fact, help combat the Seasonal Affective Disorder I so often succumb to every winter, I doubt that it will do much to help the fact that the sweet, sweet caffeine I'm hugely addicted to that makes it possible for me to exist for the entire duration of a work day apparently causes major depression and anxiety. (I read it in the Herald, it must be true...)

Damned if I do, and Damned if I don't.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

What Do I Know, Anyway?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
That is apparently the question.

I had a big ranty post worked up...and then realized that it's just not worth it.

After all, what do I, Megan Bailey, know about theatre anyway?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Oh Crap! I'm a Grownup!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006
This could become a reoccuring series, much like what Kent's got going on over in Cairo.

The subject of my newly-adult angst? Christmas. I am truly excited, genuinely so, for the first time in years about the upcoming holiday. Probably because I don't have to leave my own space, don't have to worry about travelling far and wide, and because at this point, any food that is not prepared but eaten by me is a very, very good thing.

However, I was definitely out of the loop when it came to the actual monetary cost of christmas.

Christmas trees? Expensive.
Christmas lights? Expensive.
Office-appropriate Christmas Party Outfit? Expensive. (thanks, Mom!)
Hostess Gifts for the Holiday Parties? Free...thank god for homemade cookies!
Ingredients for Homemade Cookies? Expensive.
Christmas Cheer, of the Alkie Variety? Expensive.

dear lord.

Bailey Relatives, please forgive me...and don't expect much more than paper chains made from the yellow pages to be decorating my house.

Monday, December 04, 2006

I never thought I'd see the day...

Monday, December 04, 2006
Where I would actually miss the University Food Services cafeterias.

I spent far too much time in the Dining Centre and the Haskayne Cafeteria in the four long years I was at school. I complained bitterly about the limited choices, the less-than-appealing entrees, and the soggy, sad-excuse-for-a-sandwich selections offered to hungry students. (One thing I didn't complain about: Calzone night. Mmm, once-a-monthly calzones)

Little did I know that one day, in the not so distant future, I would actually long for a Chartwells' Hot Lunch Option. Not that I don't like the sandwiches they make downstairs at our friendly coffee shop, but sometimes, a girl just wants a hot lunch. OR a grilled cheese sandwich not made in a toaster.

Finally, I found a plus-15 accessible (meaning: no going outside!) cheap eats lunchspot. Hell-o, deli in the Calgary Tower building...

Almost as good a grilled-cheese-and-ham as served that fateful night at the Husky House. Almost.

And, in my trek, I found a 'secret cafeteria', serving- lo and behold!- the same Chartwells menu I grew to loathe, then became sentimental about.

Days when I forget my lunch just got a lot better.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

My Week in Photos

Sunday, December 03, 2006
Pictures I took this week:
From the Casserole Club Christmas Swap...I took White Chocolate Cranberry Cookies, and ate far too many delish appies.


Breanne and I took a long lunch and got pedicures at the Urban Venus Nail Bar...they have about 20 different scents of lotion to choose from. I picked the ubiquitous, yet seasonally appropriate cranberry, Breanne went with strawberry. Did I mention that we picked the coldest day of the week to walk around outside in flip-flops?

Ice skaters on Olympic Plaza at 5:02pm on Thursday night, right in front of where I work...winter perfection.