Sunday, October 28, 2007

Slightly Less than Two Dozen More Things You Don't Know About Megan

Sunday, October 28, 2007
20. I looove. Love. Luff. Mexican food.

19. I spent my 12th birthday in Las Vegas. Where I've been 10 times. (That one doesn't really count because most of you know the frequency of my trips to Vegas)

18. We once went on a family vacation that included a stop at the ranch where they filmed "Bonanza". The Ponderosa, I think. The trees were really tall. I broke my arm shortly thereafter.

17. My favourite flavour of ice cream is really good vanilla. Of course, I will never admit to this when asked because I think it reveals that psychologically, I have deep issues. Or that I'm boring. Or some kind of really boring, deeply psychologically depraved individual. Go ahead. Ask me. Betcha an ice cream cone that I'll say Mint Chocolate Chip.

16. I've worked in a chocolate shop, an ice cream store, a drive-in food joint, for a theatre company, the university, a surface landman and an accounting firm.

15. I definitely lied about my weight on my driver's license. I use the excuse "I have difficulty converting imperial measurements to metric" far too often.

14. I'm an aires. And according to the chinese horroscope, a rat. A ram and a rat. I see a pattern, but I can't think of another 'ra-" word.

13. I count steps as I walk down stairs and cross streets. But I usually only count in multiples of eleven.

12. I have a mad crush on someone I'm really not supposed to have a crush on.

11. I would rather just buy new underpants and socks than do laundry, and I follow through with this preference about half the time.

BREANNE: Don't read this next one, it's about feet and it'll freak you out.

10. The toenails on my pinky toes frequently fall off. Sometimes I paint directly on the skin where the nail should be so that I don't look like a pinky toe nail-less freak.

9. I've never had a facial. This is scheduled to change on November 3.

8. I secretly wonder how I would look as a blonde, and get very close to asking my stylist to make me one every time I sit in that chair.

7. There are no 'home row' lables left on my keyboard. I learned to type using Mavis Beacon, but while I can properly type with my left hand, my right hand moves around a lot and I only type with my pointer and middle finger.

6. I can type 65 wpm, more if I try really hard. But then I psyche myself out and mess up.

5. I don't know if I can do a sommersault- I really want to try but I'm afraid that I'll break my neck. I also want to see if I can do a cartwheel, because I've never been able to do them.

4. I actually prefer Evian bottled water, but if I was challenged to a blind taste test, I couldn't tell the difference. I'm a total label snob. As if the brand name of my bottled water is really changing my life. How pathetic!

3. I don't like hollandaise sauce. The wonder of Eggs Benedict is completely lost on me.

2. I've never tried caviar, and I'm not sure that I ever will.

1. The only constellations I can identify are Orion, Cassopeia, the Big Dipper and the Southern Cross. My dad used to tell me the myths about constellations when we were camping, and that was always my favourite part of the summer.

BONUS! When I was little, I thought my dad made up the story of Noah's Ark; he did that booming voice of God so well, I was convinced that it had to be his own work.

Thursday, October 25, 2007


Thursday, October 25, 2007
I walk to work in the mornings.

When it's too cold or the weather isn't co-operative, or my oufit isn't walking appropriate, I take the train.

I've talked about it before, this shouldn't be a surprise.

This morning, the train was overcrowded, as usual. The 7:55 train always seems busier than the rest- because everyone who starts at 8 is always running late? Because people who start at 8:30 try to clock in early? Because there are a quarter of a million people to transport into downtown in a two-hour window, and no matter what time you're commuting, if you're trying to get from point A to B between 7 and 9:30 am, you're not getting a seat?

But this morning, more crowded than usual, I stepped on to the train and wedged myself into the narrow space beside the door. I placed my palm flat against the cold window, unable to hold on to anything. The train lurched forward and rolled back as it started and the standing commuters shifted together.

My arm brushed against the woman standing beside me, my chest only a few centimetres from the chest of the man facing me. I could hear him breathing over the soundtrack leaking from the cheap headphones on the kids standing back-to-back behind me, and I realized that aside from family members and personal friends, that this was the closest I'll come to contact with another human being for what I predict to be a very long time.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

First order of Business, Or, How To Be A Grown-up Lady

Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Master walking in heels. Snap heel and learn to always carry back-up. Get haircut that requires a blow-out, a flat iron and three seperate styling products. Grow a thicker skin. Invest in skincare regime. Learn to communicate in acronyms. Make risotto. Order room service. Take dictation. Dictate. Delegate. Deglaze. Master pantyhose. Discover run mid-day and learn to always carry backup. Interpret tone of people you've never met. Be diplomatically forceful. Dine alone. Drink alone. Sleep alone. Carry frequent flier cards. Carry-on and pack light. Learn to press pleats, bake layer cakes and balance a chequebook. Pay bills. Carry enough cash for cab fare. One purse inside another. Break a nail. Break a heart. Break down in the bathroom. Study the tax act. Study the man three rows up. Study fall fashion trends. Exfoliate. Buy new music. Forget cell phone charger. Learn to text message at the speed of light. Carry an extra pen. Carry business cards. Send greeting cards. Salutations. Congratulations. Properly punctuate, one space not two no comma after and. Go back to school. Go back to start. Collect two hundred dollars. Pay parking tickets. Fall off treadmill. Flirt with UPS deliveryman. Flirt with Bellhop. Forget best friend's birthday. Send flowers. Save coupons. Monogramed towels. Matching stemware. Host dinner parties. Take hostess gifts. Start from the salad fork on the outside and move in. Never hit 'reply all'. Be careful, chump is what bcc: really means. Match handbag and heels. Get caught in the rain. Forget keys. Forget credit card. Buy gym membership. Furnish home. Put up drapes. 400 thread count. Please, thank you, charmed I'm sure.

Saturday, October 20, 2007


Saturday, October 20, 2007
Tonight is the night.

The highly anticipated.

Long awaited.

Much rumoured.

Many times planned.


or,. DOOG, Redux.

Or, DOOG '07.


Neil Patrick Harris, you and me? We're on.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Lux Edmonton

Wednesday, October 17, 2007
So I just got home from eating the absolute BEST mashed potatoes I've ever encountered in my life. Seriously.

The steak was a little on the 'meh' side, but the cheddary, bacony, smooth mashed potatoes? Daaaaaaamn. They tasted like heaven would taste, if heaven was a fat-filled carbohydrate side dish.

Also? I never thought I'd see the day when I said that a steak that cost about the same as dinner for three at Boston Pizza was on the 'meh' side.

Also? I've decided to write a book. It's going to be called "When People Mistake You For A Hooker: How to Deal, What to Say and How to Make the Best of It". Followed closely by a sequel called "Why Mr. Right Can't Find You: Sitting Alone At The Bar Makes Him Think You're A Hooker, Genius..."

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Twenty (that makes sixty so far) Things You Probably Already Know (Or, Maybe Don't) About Megan

Tuesday, October 16, 2007
20. I hate raw and cooked onions, but I looove onion rings. Usually I pull the onion bits out and just eat the crunchy deep fried bits.

19. I prefer to drink my diet coke out of a can or from a soda fountain. Bottled pop tastes kind of weird to me.

18. I had two cats when I was growing up, one we loved (Phantom) and one we don't talk about (Waldo). I think that Waldo was later renamed 'Target Practice', but that claim is unverified.

17. The first time I ever ate shrimp was the night before I started university. I was 18.

16. My feet are size 9. I can't figure out which one is bigger than the other like the constantly tell us is normal, so I fear that my symmetrical appendages makes me abnormal. That's just my luck.

15. The movies I can watch over and over again are High Fidelity- because it's awesome, Love Actually- because it features attractive British people, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding- because it reminds me of my own (albeit non-greek) family.

14. I used to facilitate workshops at junior leadership conferences about positive self image and healthy lifestyles. Stop laughing. Oh, the irony.

13. I played the French Horn from grade 5-12.

12. I went to Science Camp when I was in Junior High. It was all kinds of awesome.

11. I'm obsessed with the CBC website.

10. I hate black licorice and black licorice flavoured things. But I like Jagermeister.

9. I have absolutely no idea what day our garbage pick-up is. Not a clue. I've lived in my house since August 2006.

8. I think the worst thing you can ever take from someone is what they believe or have faith in.

7. I was a Brownie but not a Girl Guide.

6. When I worked at Ye Olde Chocolate Shoppe, I once lied to a customer and told him that Chocolate Pigs were a symbol of undying love to meet my sales quota. Also, because he was all kinds of hot and I wanted his girlfriend to dump him.

5. I love pineapple on my pizza. I believe that chicken has no place near a pizza pie.

4. I'm terrified. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED. of snakes.

3. I have a frequently reuccuring dream that my teeth are falling out. I also frequently dream about catching my ex boyfriends in bed with this one girl that went to my high school. I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually to happen.

2. I'm afraid to go back to my hairstylist, who I luff, because I cheated on her and lopped off a considerable amount of hair.

1. I was on the Bull-a-rama Planning Committee in Ye Olde Home Towne a few years ago and walked with the Rodeo Float in the Parade. In a head-to-toe denim outfit. But no tiara.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Twenty More Things You May or May Not Already Know About Megan

Saturday, October 06, 2007
I think I forgot to tell you that this was going to be a 5-part series. Eh. You'll forgive me eventually.

20. I can't roll the edges of my tongue together to touch. I'm the only person in my family that can't do this. I think it means that they found me on the side of the highway and claimed me as their own.

19. I currently sleep with four pillows on my bed.

18. I failed Corporate Finance 317 and had to take it again. Just like most people I know.

17. The first time I ever ate cucumbers, I was 16.

16. I'm right-handed.

15. I've had more than one pet fish commit fishy suicide by jumping out of the bowl or tank.

14. The first CD I ever bought for myself was "Aquarium" by Aqua. Followed within minutes by that Hanson CD with MmmmBop on it. You are invited to judge me for this all you want.

13. I was voted "Most Improved Player" on my High School Volleyball team THREE times. This means that I was a shitty volleyball player. But also, that I continued to show improvement. By sitting on the bench a lot.

12. I have a line from the song 'Halleluhja' engraved on my iPod.

11. I drink more diet cola in a day then is generally considered healthy. If anything kills me, this will be it.

10. The last CD I bought was 'Reunion Tour' by The Weakerthans. The last album I bought off iTunes was 'Fallow' by the same band. I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to acquiring a discography.

9. I don't remember the last time I had a nosebleed. Actually, I don't remember ever having had a nosebleed...

8. I buy greeting cards, write them out and then never mail them. When I die, they will find hundreds of unsent birthday cards. I find this funny and sad at the same time.

7. I have no interest in playing any video games, at all. Except for Tetris. Man, I love me some Tetris.

6. I can do the Canadiana Crossword on in seven minutes, on a good day.

5. I have a soft spot for grenadine and vodka based beverages.

4. I have issues with topsheets on beds and would prefer to get rid of them all together, but I'm attempting to be a grown-up lady and apparently grown-up ladies use topsheets.

3. When I grew up, I wanted to be a marine biologist (can't swim), an ambassador to a foreign embassy (i'm monolingual) or a high-fashion magazine editor (I wear too much polar fleece).

2. I'm terrified by the concept of a Sex and the City movie, but I'll be there for opening night.

1. I really thought I wanted to live alone this year, but after a month of mind-numbing, showering with the door open solitude, I realized that I'm not ready.

Friday, October 05, 2007

I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

Friday, October 05, 2007
I need to go do something that afterwards makes me high-five someone and scream,

"Duuuuude! That was AAAAWESOME!"

Yes. I am a teenage boy circa 1987. SURPRISE!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Twenty Things You Might Not Know About Megan

Tuesday, October 02, 2007
20. I don't take my coffee any particular way. Sometimes, it's with cream, sometimes it's black, sometimes with milk and sugar, sometimes I like a latte or an americano or flavoured or dark roast. But it's never decaf, and it's always hot.

19. I wrote a letter to a Canadian magazine when I was twelve, challenging an article that stated that in the 1990s, we experienced a 'demise of children's literature.' It was published.

18. I hate pork. I don't mind eating ham or bacon, but neither of them are my favourites.

17. My Saint's Name is Margaret. What this means, I couldn't tell you. I did get to pick it. Looking back, I wish there had been a Saint Princess Sparkle Cupcake.

16. I won the Governor General's medal in Grade 12. My brother also won it in his grad year, and his medal is much prettier.

15. One of my biggest pet peeves is the word 'pet peeve'. I also hate the way that foam- as in foam mattresses- feels. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

14. I have read the entire New Testament three times. Then one day I stopped and haven't picked up a bible since.

13. Speaking of bibles, I stole one from the church we used to go to. (mom, now would be a time to tell grandma to start praying for my soul...or what's left of it)

12. I never wear yellow. Not even yellow underwear. I look terrible in it. Sal-low.

11. I have never dated anyone seriously for longer than three months. For that matter, I'm not sure I've ever been 'serious' about anyone. Except that one time.

10. Everytime I buy a new toothbrush, I have to make sure that it's a different colour than the last one I bought.

9. I count silently in my head when I walk up stairs.

8. I think putting ketchup where it doesn't belong- like, on Macaroni and Cheese- is really disgusting.

7. Every day I wake up and wonder if I've gone horribly wrong and just don't know it yet.

6. The only kind of potato chips I really like to eat are plain ripple chips.

5. I take the dust jackets off books I'm embarrassed to be seen reading in an attempt to look less dumb. This only works when book bindings are subtle and neutral.

4. The best vacation I've ever been on was with my parents and brother to Florida the summer after I graduated from High School, but I will say at the end of every vacation, "That was the best vacation ever!". I'm lying to myself.

3. My feet are size 9.

2. I've broken my left wrist, right arm and collarbone. Not all at once.

1. I still firmly believe that you should hit the space bar twice after a period.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Nursery Rhyming for Adults

Monday, October 01, 2007
There once was a girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good, she was very very good,
But when she grew up she spent a bloody fortune on hair products to make her bangs lie flat.