Tuesday, October 23, 2007

First order of Business, Or, How To Be A Grown-up Lady

Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Master walking in heels. Snap heel and learn to always carry back-up. Get haircut that requires a blow-out, a flat iron and three seperate styling products. Grow a thicker skin. Invest in skincare regime. Learn to communicate in acronyms. Make risotto. Order room service. Take dictation. Dictate. Delegate. Deglaze. Master pantyhose. Discover run mid-day and learn to always carry backup. Interpret tone of people you've never met. Be diplomatically forceful. Dine alone. Drink alone. Sleep alone. Carry frequent flier cards. Carry-on and pack light. Learn to press pleats, bake layer cakes and balance a chequebook. Pay bills. Carry enough cash for cab fare. One purse inside another. Break a nail. Break a heart. Break down in the bathroom. Study the tax act. Study the man three rows up. Study fall fashion trends. Exfoliate. Buy new music. Forget cell phone charger. Learn to text message at the speed of light. Carry an extra pen. Carry business cards. Send greeting cards. Salutations. Congratulations. Properly punctuate, one space not two no comma after and. Go back to school. Go back to start. Collect two hundred dollars. Pay parking tickets. Fall off treadmill. Flirt with UPS deliveryman. Flirt with Bellhop. Forget best friend's birthday. Send flowers. Save coupons. Monogramed towels. Matching stemware. Host dinner parties. Take hostess gifts. Start from the salad fork on the outside and move in. Never hit 'reply all'. Be careful, chump is what bcc: really means. Match handbag and heels. Get caught in the rain. Forget keys. Forget credit card. Buy gym membership. Furnish home. Put up drapes. 400 thread count. Please, thank you, charmed I'm sure.

7 comments:

PatZ said...

Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

Meg said...

truth.

RostockRose said...

And furthermore, it's two spaces after a period and commas after and.

Never let the rules of a language be determined by the people who are trying to save money by eliminating things.

(This applies double to people who try to legitimize text messaging lingo as real language.)

Breanne said...

Not two spaces after periods unless you're on a typewriter. Sheesh.

No commas after and unless you're American.

I hate casual grammar Fridays!

Lady Rose said...

oh Jon, someone threw down on your mad grammar skillz. are you just going to stand by and take that?

I think we should have a grammar-off.

Breanne said...

A grammar off? I like the way you think Amanda! :) Although I must warn you - I'm a bit of a grammar/punctuation nazi. Just ask Megan...

As a side note Meg: No run-ons these days! Woo hoo!!! :)

Also: As the WNTW expert I will trust you on the matching handbag and heels - but I swore that you didn't have to match them anymore? Am I losing it?

RostockRose said...

The problem with a grammar off is who to accept as "correct". Canadian Press? Chicago Manual of Style? Editor's Association of Canada? NASA's Manual for Technical Reports? MLA (shudder)?
APA (mercy)? Microsoft's grammar checker?

Personally, I think the two spaces after a period looks better. Why jam everything together? Since lots of electronic text (including this) has the same size for each character, the double space provides a visual cue for a longer gap, just like it did for typewritten text. Since I don't want to have a different rule depending on what font I use, I think two spaces after period is the "classic" way to go. Since the "modern" way involves RRWWSA (replacing real words with stupid acronyms), I'll stick with my old school way.

(But I'm still going to have to go look it up in some style guides now. Sheesh)