Tuesday, November 06, 2007

not enough, but it'll have to do

Tuesday, November 06, 2007
A Round of Apologies, or, If I Was a Better Person, I Could Say It Outloud...

I"m sorry that I shut you out, that I ignored your calls and avoided you in the hallways. I'm sorry that I let the way that other people looked at you and their incorrect assumptions change my opinion of you. You are brave and bold and I miss having you around.

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you right away how I felt, because now it feels awkward. I'm sorry that I'm not able to be happy for you- and I'm sorry that I'm not happy for her. I'll try to be, going forward.

I'm sorry that I haven't called you back. I'm sorry that I missed your party, and that I'll miss another one. I'm sorry that I pretended to be 'out of the service area'. I'm sorry I told you I had other plans. I didn't. I went home. I'm sorry that I lied.

I'm sorry that I made you feel small. Not physically. I'm sorry I didn't help you celebrate the man you'd become, if we only waited around. I"m sorry I hurt you, and I"m sorry I encouraged them to do the same. I'm sorry that I didn't realize how important you were until it was to late to show it to everyone else.

I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to know you. I'm sorry that I let time and space come between us, and I'm sorry that I've never sought out answers or stories about you. I'm sorry that I don't have anything to say when asked, and I'm sorry that I don't think about you until it's too late to due your memory justice.

I'm sorry that I said too much. I'm sorry that you trusted me and I betrayed you. I'm sorry that I shared things that weren't mine to share.