Sunday, December 30, 2007

Two! Two full years!

Sunday, December 30, 2007
Happy Blogiversary to me, happy blogiversary to me...

Thanks for reading, and please brace yourself as This Old Blog enters it's third year. It's late and I work tomorrow, but in the works is a Greatest Hits Collection, just for you!


Hugs and Kisses,
Meg

Thursday, December 27, 2007

This Just In: The Lyrics to the 12 Days of Ukranian Christmas Song

Thursday, December 27, 2007
Okay.

Since most of the traffic in and out of this blog is related to the Christmas carol that I thought was really Saskie-specific, featuring the gem of "5 golden rings...of kielbasa"...I thought I'd do some crafty google searching and find the lyrics.

If there is one thing on the planet that I'm really good at, it's google searching. It's a very big part of my job, this googling. If it's out there, I will find it.

And so, for your happy happy joy joy festivus pleasure, the words to Metro's 11 Days from Christmas Ukranian song...

On the 11th day from Christmas, my Missus gave for me:
Eleven pails of borscht (beet soup)
10 pounds chesnak (garlic)
9 months pregnant
8 all my supper
7 four by two slabs
6 overalls
5 golden rings of kobasa (kielbasa...sausage)
4 holuptchi (cabbage rolls...)
3 rubber boots
2 perogies
and a bowl of sour cream for me

And there you go, internets. To the best of my ability, the answer to your query. Happy Keyword searching!

There Won't Be Snow In Africa This Christmas...

There won't be peace or diet cola, either. This was a much debated song lyric this holiday- was it snow? Or Peace? Or Snow and Peace? And technically, there could be snow in Africa, because they DO have a mountain. Or two. Somesuch.

Anyway.

I survived another Christmas in Yorkton. Too many perogies, not enough diet coke to go around, hours and hours of Mexican Train Dominos, lots of laughs and many many presents.

And now, an annual abridged giftmas inventory:

1 pair of leather lady gloves
1 pair of gold hoop earrings
1 wristwatch
1 teddy bear
3 bath bombs from Lush
1 Raclette grill
1 toothbrush
12 socks
1 tube of toothpaste
1 suitcase
0 Rockstar Boyfriends

And now, I must get back to some very important work- eating cookies and sitting on my rear. Happy Holidays!

Friday, December 21, 2007

I'll Be Home (For Approximately Fourteen Hours Before) Christmas

Friday, December 21, 2007
It's that time of the year again, my friends.

Where my brother Al and I load up the Intrepid with presents and laundry and make our way back across the prairies, setting sail for home in a yacht of a car that at this point is almost older than the kids now licenseable to drive it, not to mention the fact that it is barely road worthy.

We now pause so my mother can hyperventilate.

So in a few short hours, Al and I will bicker our way across the flatlands, stop for coffee and timbits, and I'll fall asleep and he'll slowly pull the car to a stop, point the nose in the direction of the ditch and scream.

Oh, what fun, it is to ride in a four door Chrysler of doom.

So this is it from me, until I get back home, and then ship off to the land of sketchy wifi stolen from my grandma's neighbours (thanks random yorktonners!) and endless perogies. I wish you a festive holiday season.

With love,

Meg

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Most Un-lady-like Grown Up Lady in the World

Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I have to say, the staff at the Fairmont hotels are always very, very helpful. So conscientious, so sensitive, so willing to bend over backwards to help their guests. It sort of creeps me out, but I could really get used to that level of service- you know, "Can I carry your bag up those two steps, Miss?" or "Can I open the door for you, Miss?" or "Do you need a taxi, Miss?" are standard hotel fare. But at the Fairmont, you get "Would you prefer down or fibre pillows, Miss?", "We've set the radio station in the room to your preference, Miss" and "Can I bring you some tea, Miss?" or the morning wake up call of "Can we send you the weather forecast, Miss?", "Globe and Mail or National Post, Miss?" and the room service "May I pour you a cup of coffee, Miss?".

It's the only time I ever agree to be called Miss. I'm firmly a Ms. kind of gal, but when someone in a red coat and tails, with a fur hat and shiny brass buttons says it, I can't help but be charmed.

Anyway, back to the subject line. So we all know that I have extreme hosiery dysfunction. Yesterday, I was minding my own business, working in Toronto, wearing a cute skirt and tights. Disaster. The tights, they gave up at about 9:15 am. Slowly, they started to roll down my hips, slide down my legs- until I was trying to walk bow-legged, in an attempt to keep them from falling off completely. How something that is designed to be SKIN TIGHT can fall off, I do not know. I don't understand nylon or lycra or whatever the hell tights are made of. Physics. Damn you, science.

So I devised a system that involved hiking the waistband up nearly to my bustline, then pulling the waistband of my skirt down across my hips so it was quite snug. I looked ridiculous. But it was working.

Until about 6:42pm. When I was walking back from the office to pick up my bags.

The tights, they gave up.

I was casually, yet purposefully, striding through the lobby of the hotel, high heels clicking on the marble floor. My tights were not-so-casually, but with an equal amount of purpose, sliding quickly to the same marble floor.

I looked around. I panicked. No powder room in sight.

I looked around. No one was watching. I ducked into a corner.

I stripped off my tights in the lobby of the Royal York Hotel, triumphantly balancing on one, high-heeled foot (because I wasn't taking both my shoes off at once), stripping the tights off my left calf, when I heard someone clear their throat.

"Can I...help you with that, Miss?"

Cue red-coated bellboy, enter stage left.

Cue total loss of Megan's dignity, exit stage right.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Snails See the Benefits, the Beauty in Every Inch

Monday, December 17, 2007
I'm in Toronto. Snapping pictures of my room-service tray, lying cross-ways on the king size bed, using three towels or more. My iPod battery died halfway through the flight and I can't get a certain song out of my head.

And so, I bring to you, a list of things I don't suggest doing after more shots of Jagermeister than one has fingers on their left hand:

1. Email old paramours.
2. Wax your legs.
3. Read Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
4. Check your flight time.
5. Make french toast.
6. Think "I don't need to drink any water! psshhh"
7. Dance on hardwood floors wearing only socks, a beret, and a bathrobe. Well, maybe this one is okay.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Just Checking

Friday, December 14, 2007
Sometimes I think that I'm missing out on a really crucial part of my personal development.

That part of one's life, immediately prior to the quarter-life crisis; you've finished post-secondary education, you have an income, you drink a lot on weekdays and date skinny guys named Geoff that listen to techno music, and you buy too many shoes and miss the rent payment because you owe VISA more than you're willing to admit.

Then I realize yesterday, at about 3:30pm, that I've actually rationalized the following statement:

"If I don't eat dinner, I'll be able to drink more because I won't have to worry about the calories in that beer. AND! If I don't eat, I can just get drunk faster, saving me money! Score!"

This is the point in most trashy early-to-mid-twenties female melodramas where your heroine decides to start smoking, 'just one', with her morning Vodka Tonic.

Maybe I'm not actually missing out on anything.

Good thing that this is just a temporary layover on Hating Fun parade.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Random Bursts of Must-Bloggery

Thursday, December 13, 2007
1. I really dig this video. I also can't get the song out of my head, hence seeking out the video so I could listen to it, and shock, it's pretty swell.

2. I can't figure out how to set my new cell phone to vibrate when it's on silent. Grrr. I need to adopt a pre-teen or somesuch.

3. We finally put up and decorated our tree, one week after dragging the damn thing home, buying three different tree stands, lopping a foot and a half off the bottom, and nearly dehydrating it. This is my first real tree since I was a wee tot. It smells pretty.

4. I am on espresso beverage number 4 today, and fear for my evening of chill drawing and pubbing. I'm wound like a tightly wound somethingorother.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Second Triple-Axel to the Right

Tuesday, December 11, 2007
This morning I caught my reflection in the mirror at the office, and something about the combination of green cowl-neck sweater, brown suede boots and my bob haircut pulled back with a headband seemed to scream "Peter Pan!".

And then I thought, "huh, you know who I always think of when I think of Peter Pan?"

Dorothy Hamil.

Ergo, logically, I must be rocking a Dorothy Hamil hairstyle.

And that, my friends, is nooo good.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Breakfast of Chumpions

Monday, December 10, 2007
Scene: Meg's cube, Monday morning, 9:44am

Meg: Hmm. This is a deelishis latte. I can't spell "delicious" because it's Monday and I'm slurring from the weekend of heavy drinking. Those Sunday night tequila shots, they've really got to stop.
(nb: Mom, I'm kidding)

Meg reaches into her large grown-up lady purse.

Meg: Hey! Boy-howdy, a muffin! A blueberry muffin! I love Blueberry Muffins! This is the BEST. MONDAY. EVER!

Meg pulls muffin out of the paper bag.

Meg: Hello, delicious little breakfast pastry friend.

Meg looks adoringly at muffin.

Meg: Wait a second. Did I buy a muffin this morning? Did someone put this muffin in my bag as a special two-weeks-til-christmas surprise?! Maybe I have a secret muffin admirer! Ooh, maybe it's that cute guy from Payroll...

Meg bites into muffin. Pauses. Spits muffin out.

Meg: Nope. This is definitely Friday's muffin.

It's going to be a long, muffinless week.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

I lack entertaining and audience-appropriate stories

Sunday, December 09, 2007
So I'm going to bombard you with another list.

This time, of things I'd like to do in the coming months.

1. Go to Disneyland. Whoot!
2. Take Curling lessons.
3. Organize my closet. Again.
4. Knit another sweater, but one that looks less like a large brick structure and more like something a non-homeless human being could wear.
5. Bake a layer cake.
6. Not kill my houseplants.
7. Throw out several years worth of fashion magazines. Why do I hold on to them? Because you just never know when I might decide to create the world's largest collage. All eyes. All the time.
8. Take a creative writing class of some kind.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Two Truths and a Lie

Tuesday, December 04, 2007
You know that lame icebreaker game, right? The "tell us three things about you- two true and one false and we'll guess which is which!"

Yeah. It's stupid. I hate it. But I'm afraid that in the near future, icebreaker games such as this will become inevitable, and thus, I prepare. Let's play. Here's a set of things about me in threes- two true and one lie for each group. You pick the lies.

Section A
I have dated:
-a lawyer
-a pilot
-a carpet cleaner

Section B
At the U of C, I took at least one class in:
-Greek and Roman Studies
-Spanish
-Music History

Section C
I've travelled to:
-Austria
-Australia
-Alsask

Section D
I've had cats named:
-Waldo
-Dixie
-Phantom

Section E
I used to play the:
-French Horn
-Trombone
-Cowbell

Section F
I own at least one cd recorded in the late 1990's/early part of this decade by:
-The Spice Girls
-Backstreet Boys
-The Moffats

Well? Guess.

Monday, December 03, 2007

I Definitely Don't Less Than Three The Airport

Monday, December 03, 2007
Thank god I had the foresight to check my departure time.

My flight to Vancouver has now been delayed by over three hours.

At least I'm not stuck in departure lounge hell.

Monday. Again.

It's like every seven days or something. God. Never goes away.

This morning, I woke up early, got in and out of the shower early, and then sat on the end of my bed wrapped in a towel and stared at a spot on my wall for twenty minutes.

I got to work at exactly the same time I do every day.

Sigh.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Getting Ready for the Office Holiday Party

Saturday, December 01, 2007
Megan: So...what colour should I paint my nails?

Robert: What are the options?

Megan: "Swiss Almond" or "Sweetheart".

Robert:...

Megan: Swiss Almond is a beigy pink. Sweetheart is a pinky beige.

Robert: Gee. I don't know. I'm having trouble with this. They both sound essentially like fleshtone. I don't think you'll have any problems with clashing.

Megan: Exasperated sigh.

Robert: I like the sound of Swiss Almond?

This is going to be a long afternoon.