Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Parlez-vous kick to the neck? (Ottawa, parte (is parte the French for Part?) une)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I learned a lot of important lessons during my weekend sojurn in our nation's fair capital. One of these lessons was do not challenge a wiry looking Asian guy to a kung-fu challenge. Just don't. Sweeping racial generalizations aside? Dude will probably kick your tuckus. Not because he's Asian. Because he's wiry.

I knew we were in for a good weekend when I arrived on time in Ottawa, to be greeted by my fair cousin Erin who was wearing not one single matching item of clothing, nor her expensive engagement ring, which to be truthful, I had flown all the way across the country to see. Love her. Carmen, the Maid of Honour in our Wedding Equation was delayed in Calgary en route from Vancouver (hahaha) so we had time to observe the signage around the baggage carousel.

Instead of flat-panel tv screens with ads, oh in Ottawa, they have massive, expensive, high-tech looking rolling screens with ads. Like the one my cousins built at Grandma D's. You know, Michael. The one I mean. Out of a Tide box. With magazine ads circa Before I Was Born pasted on a roller with a hand crank so you can "change the channel".

They spare no expense in Ottawa.

Carmen arrived, Carmen's luggage arrived, and we made our post-midnight way back to Chez Engaged People where we gabbed and inflated air mattresses and looked at thousands of magazine pictures of white dresses and gabbed some more. At around 3:00 am EST, we finally called it a night and put the wedding magazines away for the evening.

At promptly 8:00 AM, on the dot (trust me, I observed the time), we were roused from our slumber by the sweet sweet sounds of a JACKHAMMER ON THE FREAKING BALCONY. I must have died, and whatever I did in my lifetime was SO BAD. SO SO SO BAD.

The jackhammering was even louder in the shower.

31 comments:

Michael said...

I do remember the tide box television. It was the height of technology back when it was created (shortly after Jesus stopped riding that dinosaur). There was the big cardboard fridge, and various other appliances needed for a front entrance apartment. I think there was even a stove.

On a sort of related note, when I moved to Toronto, they had one of those advertisement units in Union Station. At the time they had a Calvin Klein underwear ad in it. So there was a massive guy in tighty whities with a massive bulge and girls kept posing beside the picture. Evidently, they needed to show their friends that they had indeed seen the giant penis.

PatZ said...

Ottawa likes its jackhammers.

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