Monday, June 23, 2008

On trying not to be snarky

Monday, June 23, 2008
The wedding I went home for was lovely. I've never seen my friend, the Groom, who happened to be my Grad date, look so happy. I remember him refusing to wear footwear other than his ninja turtle bedroom slippers in Kindergarten. I remember digging a hole in another friend's backyard, bravely pledging to make it all the way to the Orient. I'll never forget his 6am Shania Twain serenade on one junior high camping trip, and how could I ever, ever, ever forget how good he looked in a skirt?

Congratulations to him and his very pretty wife.

Now, on to the important business, what you all come here for:

A review of the Midnight Lunch.

Yes, I judged this wedding based on the lunch served to hungry (intoxicated) guests during the dance. I give this midnight lunch a 5 on an 8 point scale. The majority of the points were lost based on only two meat options (ham and turkey) and no cheese tray.

However, the salad options were more than satisfactory!

One out-of-town guest followed me around the table in the kitchen, watching me re-arrange buns and then grab a plate. She looked questioningly as I scooped wheat salad on to my plate.

"What is that?" she asked.

"Wheat salad." I responded. I'm helpful.

"What's in it?" she asked.

"Wheat" I said. (again, helpful).


"oh. Cool-whip, vanilla pudding and pineapple," I said as I continued to spoon it out.

"Oh. Is it good?" She asked.

No. No, it's not. I'm just filling one quarter of my plate with a heap of it because I hate it so much and god, it's so gross, so I'm doing you a favour by taking care of your portion, too. Later we'll throw it out behind the 3 foot crystal vases the mother of the bride rented for this occasion while she's not watching.

Out of towners. Sheesh.


cw said...

Only two kinds of meat and no cheese tray? No salami or pepperoni? What is this world coming to when people stop caring about the quality of midnight lunch? Ugh.

Meg said...

I know! There were no tube meats/sausage of any kind! Tsk, tsk...

Snowflake said...

Did they have nice dainty trays with all those delicious little treats like the butterscotch marshmallow bars?