Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Checked in!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I've checked in for my flight, I've got my Disneyland tickets in hand, and I'm ready to go.

Well, I haven't packed.

But whatever. I'll get there. It'll happen. And at about 5:15am tomorrow, I'll be in a cab en route to the airport, and then, on my way to THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH and eleven days until I have to go back to work.

And if today doesn't hurry up and end, my head is going to explode and...

Friday, September 19, 2008

Solving for the variable, negative b plus or minus the square root of bsquared minus four ac divided by two a!

Friday, September 19, 2008
I have quite a few frequent dreams. I have problems with anxiety. This should come as a surprise to none of you, though some people seem so shocked.

I dream about teeth falling out. I dream about writing high school science finals. I dream that my house burns down, that I am unprepared for work, that my loved ones are dying of unnameable diseases.

But the most stressful dream of late is about the quadratic equation.

I can't remember the quadratic equation.

Over and over and over I'm stumped. Stupified. Struck dumb. I can't do it. I need it. I'm going to fail life without it.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Warning: So Sappy, I might get kicked off Blogger

Thursday, September 18, 2008
I am incredibly happy to inform you that I have managed to date the same person for six months in a row.

And this person, defying all odds, has not yet run for the hills or changed his name, obtained 10 grand in cash and a foreign passport off ebay, bought a shifty used automobile which he left in a ditch bearing a sign saying 'FREE CAR' as a crafty red herring and made way for Cuba.

In fact, he manages to put up with my ridiculous looking drunken fishy face, my pre-coffee bitchiness and the way I do the dishes- all without complaining. Mostly.

And to top it all off!

This person just sent me the most beautiful of flowers, in my favourite colour, green, which I'm sure was difficult because the Lord does not make many green flowers.


Thank you, Pat Zaph.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

A How-to Guide on Using the Women's Washroom, for Men!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008
This was approximately the title of a book I saw at Chapters yesterday afternoon. I really wish I had the forethought to have a copy of it in my purse, for it would have been swell to have on hand this Sunday morning past.

Gary and I were enjoying an abundance of hashbrowns early on Sunday morning before we embarked on a journey to the past- or, Heritage Park, if you hate fun and imagination.

I excused myself to the Ladies' Room, only to open the door and come face to face with the antithesis of a Lady.

I stopped. Opened the door again. Observed the figure on the sign that was quite clearly wearing a skirt. I know that I was not, but I do on occasion, so I just assumed that was the correct door for me!

My Gentleman Opponent looked up and said, "No, you're in the right one".

Then what the h-e-doublehockeysticks are you doing in here?!

And then he proceeded to just kind of linger. I also, awkwardly, lingered.

Do you know how awkward it is to just kind of hang out in a Denny's washroom at 10am on a Sunday?


Thursday, September 11, 2008


Thursday, September 11, 2008
I have learned more about dishwashing powder in the last 138 minutes than I ever thought I'd use, need to know, or ever want to know in my entire life.

I picked up this second job, see, in an effort to pay off my outrageous amount of student debt, to save for a flight to continental Europe, and in preparation of someday owning property before I can collect a pension. So every once in awhile, I'll work a weekend at a grocery store or department store, hawking some consumer product with a big smile on my face.

And if there is anything I am good at, it is hawking consumer products with a ridiculous smile on my face.

Here's hoping I will smile all the way to the bank.

Also, tomorrow I'm having two of my wisdom teeth out. I'll be all drooly and bruised and puffy and gross, just in time for the last viable weekend of warm weather! Huzz-ah!

too late to back out

ZOMP, have you seen this?!

(uh, by this I mean, click on the trailer and watch it)

I'll wait. No, seriously, go watch it. I'll just hang here for a few until you get back.

Did you watch it?

I think my head exploded!! The count is on. Somewhere around 63 days or somesuch. I'm too excited to do the necessary math.

But here's the bad news.

I won't be there opening weekend. I'm in a wedding.

UNLESS...we can find a really late night showing on the 15th. Then I propose leaving immediately from wedding in formal attire/bridesmaid dress and heading directly to cinema.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

18 holes

Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Last night I had a dream about Hugh Jackman.

Not that kind of dream.

Last night I dreamt that I was playing a round of golf with Hugh Jackman. Instead of being concerned about my complete inability to golf, or the fact that it was HughfreakingJackman, I was most concerned about the weather, and my lack of umbrella. Who golfs with an umbrella?

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to ask you all to please remind me not to wear a coral polo short and white capri pants if ever presented with the chance to golf with Hugh Jackman. Not such a good look.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Things I didn't do

Tuesday, September 09, 2008
I had really lofty goals for the Summer of 2008. Today I sat huddled in the coffee shop next door (not a starbucks, for those keeping track) listening to the Norah Jones they were playing and realized that Summer is on its last legs. The trees are still green, but their days are numbered.

So I didn't get around to roasting marshmallows over a fire, having a picnic in the park or rafting down the river.

But I did go to a ball game, on an epic, not-exactly-as-planned road trip, to the zoo, on the roller coaster at Calaway Park. I watched several movies in air conditioned bliss, got a wicked sunburn and drank more than my fair share of beers on patios. I saw NIN, played many games of Rock Band, ate the most delicious barbecued hamburger ever made by man, spent time with old friends, made new ones and discovered the wonder of turn-down service at the Banff Springs Hotel.

I guess what this means is that next year, I'll just have to find a beach, pack up a tent, check out Shakespeare in the Park and go watch some fireworks. Hope you'll be there with me when I do.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Vive la resistance!

Monday, September 08, 2008
There are currently seventeen days remaining until I go on vacation. And dang it, I need that vacation, those pancakes with Mickey and all the trappings that come with it.

I am violating dress code today in an act of rebellion. An act of rebellion spawned out of my complete laziness and apathy. I sit at a desk all day! Will anyone notice if I'm wearing a pair of grey pants or jeans? I think not!

Carpe denim!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Just guess.

Thursday, September 04, 2008
Guess how many times in my life I've had a conversation about which day's newspaper has the highest readership? Oh, does it matter that we actually have circulation figures that prove which day is sold the most? Ooooh, no. Which day's paper gets read the most is the question.


A list: what I want out of life

Last night I watched the sunset. No, not just looked at it. I watched it. I watched the light in the room change colour, the sun drop behind the hill on the horizon, and the dark take over.

I haven't done that in years. Possibly a decade. A damn long time.

There's not enough calm. And I don't know who is to blame- except that it's probably me. The fact that I don't spend three minutes sitting in silence watching something that happens but once in ten years is a real shame.

A few months ago, when I was looking for a job (frantically) and worrying that the very little money I had was running out and spending hours and hours every day drinking coffee and watching British sci-fi and panicking about the fact that I was but two years out of university and potentially unemployable for the rest of my life, I made this list. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do, where I was going to go, and what was most important.

So stop reading now if you're here for cynicism, witty repartee, or embarrassing stories about me doing stupid things involving yogurt, tights, or young adult fantasy novels.

two kids, one boy and one girl, or any combination of the above, in any order
good health
a warm home
someone to take care of
someone to take care of me
the capacity and ability to listen
dinner parties
vacations at the lake
good coffee
to make a difference in someoe's day, no matter how small it seems
great books
a soft place to lay my head
to be recognized for my contribution
room to grow
to be heard
a home full of photos
a suntan in Greece
to keep learning until I die
the admiration of my parents
to be challenged
occasional change
nice shoes
a spa visit now and then
sound mind
homemade cookies
to know what's right and what's wrong
room to make mistakes
a garden, even if it's in a planter
to pass on what I've learned
to be mentored
to mentor
sidewalk chalk drawings
an apple tree
stamps in my passport and someone who has matching ones
peace of mind
a clean floor but a fridge covered in fingerpaint art

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

everything is eventual

Tuesday, September 02, 2008
I realized something this weekend.

No offense to all parents, especially mine, but parents are dorks. We took so many road trips when I was growing up to all kinds of great places: Idaho, Eastern Rural Saskatchewan, Utah, Medicine Hat...oh, and Vegas, San Fran, Vancouver... I remember being SO embarrassed and frustrated by the 'stupid' things my family said and did. Oh, how they irked me. Particularly special moments like singing entirely too loud to Bon Jovi, pointing out "funny" signs, and announcing every single time any kind of wildlife or livestock or even exotic plant was spotted.

Yeah, well, apparently somewhere along the line I became JUST LIKE THEM.

Gary and I spent a considerable amount of time listening to Bon Jovi (but not too loud because I am like some granny and I get headaches when the music is too loud), making fun of the roadsigns in Yahk ("Hey- check it out! Yahk Burgers AND Old Stuff!") and spotting nature.

"Tree rat!" (...squirrel/chipmunk)

"Cow!" (with some special effect Mooing tossed in for good measure)

"Tree! Tree! Check out all the trees!!"

Yeah, it's pretty much inevitable. My children are going to hate me.

best laid plans

Alas, there was no crashing into the natureous mountainside- because there was no plane to crash.

Due to circumstances actually beyond our control (an hour long line to check bags? EXCUSE ME?), we missed our flight to Castlegar. Being the only flight that day...we were hooped, as far as flying was concerned.

So we got in a cab, went back to my house, picked up my car and proceeded to drive for 8 hours to get to Trail. But it was an awesome drive. Who knew that in BC, there are TREES! And rocks! And MOUNTAIN GOATS!

And bears that are actually cows.

But we finally arrived, in one piece, without killing each other and proceeded to have a really fantastic time. That I will tell you about this afternoon. Maybe.