Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ack, Speeches!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Unlike many (most?) people, I have no qualms about speaking in public. Well, the speaking part. Standing before a group of people and talking holds no concerns for me. It doesn't scare me.

BUT.

Sounding like a MORON while speaking in front of a group of people?

ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY.

I'm in a wedding in three weeks, and daaamn, I totally forgot that I have to give a speech. I'm about 90% positive that I will cry my eyes out during this wedding. When I accompanied the bride on her wedding dress buying expedition? I cried. At her shower? I cried. When we talk about wedding plans? I cried. When she told me what they were engraving on the inside of their rings? I cried. AT BOSTON PIZZA. Mortifying.

And I'm an uuuuuglly crier.

So. To the experienced blog reader audience I go. How do I give a sentimental speech about one of my dearest, most loved friends, in front of her family and 150 people that love her, without becoming a snivelling mess?

Also, where's the line re: drunken university stories?

5 comments:

Kevin said...

Don't worry about being a sentimental mess. Weddings and funerals are the two places where you can start bawling in the middle of a speech, and everybody will think more of you. I just wished I'd learnt that there were no other exceptions before that one conference in Berkeley...

That said, perhaps have a shorter, uncontrollable-crying, and a longer, tears-streaming-down-your-cheeks-but-still-keeping-the-plot-together version. A longish speech while a little choked up is okay, but a 15 minute full-on crying jag interrupted by the occasional anecdote is excessive.

As far as drunken stories, I recognize no line. But I don't get invited to too many weddings.

(Seriously, the optics are a lot better for crying in the middle of a story about how awesome the bride is, rather than one that ends up with Jagermeister coming out of her nose.)

Anonymous said...

I don't recognize any barriers when telling stories either. See, if I were asked to tell a story about a cousin who will remain nameless or a sister who will remain nameless, I would tell the story of the two girls who were merrily driving around town one day, the windows down and the radio (tape-player) blaring. I would tell the enraptured crowd how, when they stopped at a traffic light, a guy looked over at them and asked them how much. I would nod sagely as I told the crowd that, "More than you've got" was the reply. No little hussies in our family. I would let the titters die down before telling the crowd how the excited girls came home that night and told their mothers about their experience with the uncouth man who had propositioned them. Then, with a flourish, I would finish with my mother's response "He wanted to know how much you wanted for the car. There's a for sale sign in the window".

Meg said...

Wow. That would totally be an embarassing story to tell at a wedding. Boy, am I ever glad that story will be told at someone else's. In May. Hypothetically.

dubya said...

haha... I totally know these two hypothetically girls. I've even heard the story so many times I'm starting to believe I was there!

Breanne said...

There is a line with drunken stories. I have seen it crossed - it was NOT appropriate. Usually the line is if it involves other guys. When someone's getting married they don't usually want to be told about the ones before them... although if the ones before them were total losers (and such is the point)this is an acceptable story...
As for crying... I don't like it. I prefer the funny speeches from friends. It's fine if the father of the bride cries,... but the crazy cousin? I suppose it depends on the crying. A little bit of choked up, acceptable. An ugly cry... not so much. :)

PS: Also not really an appropriate time for gopher killing stories. Just in case you thought it was... OR fish killing stories. FYI.