Monday, November 10, 2008

Dear Martha Stewart Living Online,

Monday, November 10, 2008
You pack of liars.

Okay, so, I'm mildly obsessed with Martha Stewart's Everyday Food magazine. You may know it from the giant stack living in my house. Alternatively, you might be familiar with it's smiling little face at the checkout at the grocery store. Either way, the recipes contained within generally promise to be fast, user-friendly, and delicious.

They usually are.

Except for last night's "experiment".

Sticking to the theme of trying so desperately to be a grown-up lady, I decided that I would make my boyfriend a fancy dinner, minus the fancy. Okay, I admit, I was basically trying to show off my incredibly marketable skills, inherited from my mother, and not kill us at the same time.

The lesson I should have learned here is: cook what you know.

Don't attempt to cook a meat you don't eat, using a recipe you've never tried, and a cooking method you're pretty much unfamiliar with.

This pork tenderloin with a honey-butter sauce?

Turned out nothing like it was supposed to.

Okay, it was pork. I used honey and butter. But how one could manage NOT to burn a sauce made entirely from sugar and fat, cooked at high heat for over 15 minutes is beyond me.

And who knew? Pork tenderloin crusted in sugar and butter, roasted for too long because someone doesn't know how to tell when pork is cooked because SHE NEVER EATS IT, is not really that great.

Martha, you failed me. Or I failed you. Either way, I made Gary eat it. Using my single other marketable skill inherited from my mother:

GUILT.

3 comments:

Martha Stewart Living said...

Dear Megan,

We are sorry that you had difficulty with our Pork Tenderloin with Honey Butter. In reading your blog, we have determined what your issues were with our recipe.

To not burn the honey-butter sauce, you simply must follow our recipe's instructions and cook the pork tenderloin over medium-low heat, reducing heat if the sauce begins to burn. High heat with a butter/sugar sauce? That's not a good thing.

With regards to overcooking the pork tenderloin, we would suggest a meat thermometer. Martha Stewart makes a fabulous meat thermometer, and it makes a wonderful gift! It's a good thing.

Best wishes on your next Martha Stewart Living Meal!

The staff at Martha Stewart Living

PatZ said...

I'm being serious on the outside because it was unfortunate, but on the inside I'm laughing hysterically.

Meg said...

Yeah, well, you're just lucky I didn't try to force-feed YOU unfortunately roasted white meat.

And thanks, Michael, er, Martha. I'll have to look into getting a meat thermometer!