Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Apparently you just don't want my money

Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I have finally reached a point where I have a little extra cash lying around in my chequing account, so I decided last night to run over to the Bell store and buy a new phone so everyone will stop bitching at me when I miss calls because it doesn't make any sound when it rings.

(Not bitter)

Anywhoodle, I went into the Bell store at Market Mall and LO AND BEHOLD, the gentleman working there and I had the following conversation:

Meg: Hi.

Dude: Can I help you?

Meg: I got my phone wet and need to buy a new one. I'm one year into my three year contract so I know I have to pay full price for it. (Lie, actually I have a $100 credit but thought I'd just bring that up when paying for it)

Dude: Yeah. Well, they're like $200 bucks...

Meg: I know. I'd like this...(gets cut off)

Dude: Well, you can look around or whatever. WHILE WALKING AWAY.

Did I mention that I was in fact the only customer in the store- the only customer anywhere near the store?

Is my money dirty? Did I smell like anything other than mint or vanilla (which, fyi, is how I always smell)? Did I have something offensive written on my forehead like, "You Biatches Need To Sack Up and Carry the iPhone"?

Fine. I've had it. I'm paying out the rest of my contract and switching to Rogers.

At last

I woke up this morning and looked out the window at the frozen world. Headlights and streetlights and people in a hurry to get somewhere, and I felt a wave of relief. Finally, 2008 has come to a close.

Today is the last day of the year, and I kicked it off with a latte.

I am so excited to get a clean start. It really feels like 2009 is a fresh, unopened notebook for me to scribble all over. Hopefully this year I stay within the lines, at least a little.

I make new years' resolutions every year. I usually don't share them, because I have issues with making my goals public and then publicly failing. This indicates to me that I should probably tell you all what I want to do so that you will yell at me when I don't do it. But I don't like yelling.

Tonight, for most of the world, the year will go out with fireworks and shouting and drunken, regrettable phone calls or text messages.

I just hope to stay home and stay warm, with the people I love and reflect on what a year it's been, and my hopes for the one that is to come.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Leaping Lawnchairs, I made it

Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Well, it's here again.

December 30th, also known fondly as my blogaversary.

I was trying to determine the other day if, when I started blogging, I had any intention of doing it for so long. Honestly, I think I assumed it would be a passing fancy, like the time I tried to write down every single thing I ate (lasted 3 months), or the time I decided to floss twice a day ( day) or even the time I decided I was going to use that in the shower facial product three times a week for glowing, healthy skin. (Don't get me started, I'll do it eventually I swear!)

But blogging is different.

I kept a written journal for years. My very first one was in about Grade 5, a tiny notebook with a holographic cover and a little lock. I graduated to 500 page spiral bound notebooks that I would fill with rants, letters, wishes, and intensely detailed descriptions of High School Megan's ideal Dream Date- where we'd go, what we'd wear, what he'd look like.

I still write in a journal occasionally, but the need to spill my anxieties and insecurities and why-doesn't-he-like-mes in a private place has subsided. Instead, I like sharing the frustrations and odd awkward moments and random thoughts with all of you. I suppose this makes me an attention whore, but it is what it is.

Every few months, I start typing and think, "Now honestly, how long are you going to do this, Bailey?" (because in my internal dialogue, I always refer to myself as Bailey. This is going to be catastrophic when and if I change my last name). How long are you going to want to read about me stripping off my underwear in public places or the things that irritate me about the public transit system, or the list of thousands of things yet unaccomplished that every year, I swear I'll do? How long am I going to want to write about it?

I'm betting on pretty much forever- or until I get that hot book deal and can start charging for it. But because forever is such an abstract, I'll give you this:

I'm in for another year. You?

Monday, December 29, 2008

The indignity of not knowing how to use the remote

Monday, December 29, 2008
Last night I was jigsaw-puzzled right out so I crept downstairs to Dad's fancy new Home Theatre system. Surely with 2 pirate dishes and a legit Bell satellite there'd be something to occupy myself with?

Alas. There was not.

I'm sure there was something worth watching on the thousands of channels available at El Rancho Doug and Lenore, however, to access them means being able to commandeer one of the three remote controls.

So I got stuck watching what was on when I got downstairs:

Hannah Montana.

Which begs the question- why was the TV left on the Disney Channel in the first place?

Sunday, December 28, 2008

There is once again I'm assuming, no snow in Africa this Christmas

Sunday, December 28, 2008
Well, it's over. Unless you are a follower of the Orthodox Calendar- then it's not even HERE yet!

I ran up to Saskatoon yesterday to meet up with Erin and Carmen and pick out fab bridesmaid dresses for Erin's wedding. Let me tell you- that was easier and entirely more fun than anticipated. However, it seems that the mornings of sitting on the couch eating a cookie and drinking coffee with full-fat whipping cream in it while my mom cooks sausage need to come to a rapid close, or I won't look so hot in that body skimming ivory satin number.

Thankfully (and also, Mournfully), tomorrow morning I'll head back home to Calgary where breakfast is overlooked and coffee with real cream is a mere fantasy.

So here it is, because I've got nothing else to blog about- my 2008 Christmas Morning Giftventory:

-electric skillet
-sony cyber shot camera
-camera case, water and diet soda proof
-snowman cookie jar
-2 moleskin notebooks
-body wash scented like a caramel mocha latte (sweeeeet)
-framed Group of Seven print
-two cookbooks
-turquoise sweater and matching camisole
-sephora gift card
-iPod car charger for Gary to use because I no longer own a working iPod (maybe should have mentioned that earlier)
-Stocking: 6 pairs of black socks, peppermint body wash, vanilla body wash, 2 packs of gum, 3 chocolates, smartie ball, hideous but super warm knitted slipper booties, stress-relieving body lotion

From Gary: Awesome box full of all my most beloved things, including the 6 season SATC Ultimate box set, the SATC Movie Extended Cut bluray, a giant jar of gummi bears, body butters, coffee...on and on with awesomeness!

From Gary's Mom: 2 purses, sweet pea body wash, candles, soap, an angel ornament

It was seriously an awesome year for gift-receiving.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Diet Cokesaster 2: The Cokesastering

Friday, December 26, 2008
We have run out of diet coke.

ACTUALLY, we ran out of diet coke on Christmas Eve and I have been dying a progressively slower death since then.

Fortunately for me, I am on the road again tomorrow to the grand city of Saskatoon, where I am positive that they not only have diet coke, but it is available for purchase and consumption at both room and chilled temperatures.


I really don't know what I'm supposed to drink with the lasagna tonight. Don't the people here understand the Diet Coke is the Drink of Christmas?!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Puzzles and Turkeys and Mac Products, oh my

Thursday, December 25, 2008
First off, merry festive wishes to you!

So we're sitting around recovering from a giant turkey dinner involving a fourteen layer jello salad, and it appears that we have on hand: 3 mac laptops, 3 iPod Touches, several cell phones (probably 10 or 12), and a partridge in a pear tree.

And a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle that is NIGH IMPOSSIBLE because it consists of white, white, blue and white. And white.

I hope Santa was good to you- he sure was good to me!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

'Twas the blog before Christmas

Wednesday, December 24, 2008
And all through the house
the dominos were playing, someone's brother acting like a louse.
The stockings were hung on the wood paneling in the basement with care
in hopes that the dogs wouldn't chew on them (or anyone's underwear).
Grandma was tucked in and snug in her bed,
Neil Young, Clapton and the Eagles were stuck in their heads.
The cookies and memories brought out some really mushy sap,
And Uncle Ray's educational re-gift made sure no one would get the clap.

It's Christmas Eve at the Baileys, and yes, the dominos ended violently when someone (not naming names) (who may be a little brother of someone who blogs regularly) was a POOR LOSER, and yes, someone thoughtfully re-gifted a STD Prevention brochure. But now the cousins are fighting it out over the couches- 6 cousins, 4 couches...

and I'm about to tuck myself in (on the floor- I lost) with Hugo, the Hippopotamus that I got for Christmas.

From under the tree (literally) at my house to you, where ever you are in the world- peace and love.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Tuesday Megan is totally peeved at Monday Megan...but not really. Tuesday Megan has re-labelled the gigantor stack of work to her left "Optional", but really it should be called "Mandatory, Needs to be completed before YOU LEAVE today". Le sigh.

Tonight, I force Mr. G to open his Christmas present, and I will be waiting for the look of glee previously only exhibited by children under 7. That's right, Gary, no pressure, but you'd better be delighted.

Whoa. Apparently I'm a little hostile before my coffee sinks in.

Anyway, I just wanted to express my excitement and start the day on a good note before I dive headfirst into inflamed joints and endless proofreading of my own crappy writing.

Ho ho, ho!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Oh Christmas Zit, Oh Christmas Zit...

Monday, December 22, 2008
How lovely to see you again!


For the past year my skin has been essentially clear and glowing. I am working my way towards the traditional English rose complexion- which is to say, pale as the day is long. But at least my skin is clear.

Yeah, until yesterday morning, when it arrived.

I swear that damn zit shows up every year, like someone's Great-Uncle Melvin who is sort of crazy and a bit handsy and always smells like Canadian Club- it's part of the holiday and no matter how you mentally prepare and try to find something to occupy its attention, nope. There it is. Rearing it's ugly little presence.

So ONCE AGAIN I will have the unfortunate task of trying to concealer that thing out of view in all the Christmas photo ops.

Or I could talk nice to my Uncle Ray (who is totally not like Great Uncle Melvin AT ALL in ANY WAY) and get him and his Photo Editing Elves to fix that problem for me, apres the fact.

Let it stop, let it stop, let it stop

This newest layer of snow is actually kind of pretty. It's white and fluffy and sparkly, unlike it's hard-crystal icy underlayer.

That said, it's no easier to drive in.

This weekend was particularly enjoyable, but way too short. I learned that wedding dresses are really heavy, that my back hurts when I wear crappy shoes, that the relationship I'm in can indeed withstand two intense backstabbing and two-timing rounds of Carcassonne, and that I like broccoli with garlic and almonds on it.

Mmm. Broccoli.

Just an update- one sleep 'til I force Gary to start Christmas early, two sleeps 'til I return to the Motherland, three sleeps 'til Santa comes and I get up way too early and 'whiten' my coffee with Baileys.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Three Work Days Left...

Friday, December 19, 2008
I really should have called in "not coming" to work this morning. Seriously. I have a headache (again) and I completely lack motivation. And breakfast. Usually I have something kicking around here that's consumable, but all I'm looking at today is leftover cookies and the gross fruit-creme chocolates left in the treat box. Sigh.

The first thought I had this morning, after 'bleeeerg, is it 7:15? No, it's 8:15. Damn you, daytime.' was 'how many sleeps?!'. Then I blurrily counted them out on my fingers. Twice.

There are 4 sleeps until I force Gary to open his present(s?) early.

There are 5 sleeps until I pack up the car and head to El Rancho Doug and Lenore.

There are 6 sleeps until Santa comes.

I'm a little bit excited. I've got two more gifts to purchase and wrap, and a few more cards to mail today. I suppose I should do some laundry so I have clean clothing to don under the tree, but I was mostly banking on wearing the PJ's I bought at Superstore for $6.94 all holiday long.

The end of this month, and thus, the end of this year cannot come soon enough. I'm ready, 2009, whenever you are. (For the record...13 more sleeps until 2009).

Thursday, December 18, 2008

It's still snowing...

Thursday, December 18, 2008
Still. Awesome. If I actually enjoyed cold-weather outdoor activities, I would be blissfully content.

I don't, but it's really pretty.

Last night I ate so much Thai at the King & I. Deeelish. I've had little experience with Thai- I generally lean towards delicious delicious vietnamese, and this time last year I was on quite the sushi kick. I'll always be a fan of Western Canadian Chinese- ginger beef, chicken friend rice, sweet and sour chicken balls, wonton soup. But that coconut green curry and shrimp was really delicious. Too bad that the King & I is mostly out of the 2009 Megan Budget.

Speaking of the 2009 Megan Budget, I've come up with a solution to my "Going to Germany and Got No Way to Pay" predicament.

I've secured myself a part-time job.

For the next little while, most of my Saturday and Sunday afternoons will be spent.....

as a Bridal Consultant at the swankiest Wedding Boutique in town.

Totally not what you thought I'd say, eh?

My rationale being: I wanted to work in retail ('cause I'm sick in the head), I wanted to work somewhere that would be fun and different, I have experience with "High End Retail Snobbery" and I didn't want to blow my entire paycheque on staff-discounted merchandise.

Hellooooo, many-thousand-dollar-wear-once-gowns. Won't be bringing any of you home, that's for sure.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A bit preemptive, but I'm ready to go for thai and I'm out of work to do today.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Collected unemployment after I lost my job at EY.

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes, I made one resolution, it isn’t blog appropriate material, and by the 4th day of the year it was signed, sealed and delivered.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but a few people close to me fell pregnant. That’s how they say it in the UK and I dig it.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. I was lucky.

5. What countries did you visit?
The US, that was it. Though at least I got out of the country- not so much in 2007!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Consistency and Routine.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 18, because that was the day that I met Gary, stopped being a sad sack about being jobless, and generally turned right around in attitude. April 10, the night of my drunken ridiculous birthday party where bad things happened and I vomited in a mesh waste basket I was holding in my lap.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Pulling through a three-month unemployment period mostly intact.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing my job, but most will say that wasn’t failure. I’d say losing my confidence.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, I pretty much kept it in the healthy zone through the entire calendar!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My sassy Mazda3. Also, my expensive Mazda3.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends, particularly Amanda and Allison, our own little support group.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I was in a pretty rough funk in 2008. It was the year of change. I thought I liked change, but as it were, I like variety but certainty. My behavior depressed me, terrible people on the news depressed me, former employers depressed me.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Debt. Keeping above water. Oh, and my new car.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Falling in love.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
The High Fidelity soundtrack, I think. Oh, and that stupid “I Kissed a Girl” song. Grrrr....

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. more happy or more sad?
I’m happier, but if you’d told me last year where I’d be in 12 months, I wouldn’t have believed you!
b. thinner or fatter?
Geeez. No, wait. I’m thinner. No more room service and morning croissants...
c. richer or poorer?
I make more money, but I keep less of it!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saved money. Explored my options. Kept my spirits up even when no one else was around. Had hope. Smiled in the first 3 months of the year.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Self-obsessing. Resume editing. Spending money I didn’t have.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve-Eve is in Calgary with Gary and his mom, then I’m going to El Rancho Doug and Lenore on the 24th. Driving up to Sasktoon on the 27th, and then back to Calgary the 29th.

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2007? know, crying in a taxi cab was pretty bad.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes, Yes, Yes. Just once but more and more every day.

23. How many one-night stands?
Not blog appropriate material, sorry, but technically- none.

24. What was your favorite tv program?
Well, I stopped watching TV, but I’d say that Veronica Mars, Doctor Who, HIMYM and Californication top my tv-on-dvd viewing queue.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I wouldn’t call it hatred. I’m disappointed in people, I significantly dislike people I didn’t even know last year, and some people I don’t talk to anymore but miss a little bit.

26. What was the best book you read?
Hmmm. I read so much, it’s hard to say. But definitely Tall, Dark and Kilted. Hot paranormal smutty romance. (Just kidding...but maybe honestly it was Teen Vampire Smut #1)

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Format

28. What did you want and get [in general]?
Happiness, a relationship that functioned well, a pay raise, peace of mind.

29. What did you want and not get?
A job involving Edutainment, a trip to Greece, an even suntan.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I’d say Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang ranked up there as a 2008 discovery.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I’m 24. My birthday was spent having a really nice dinner with my brand-new boyfriend at Brewster’s. My birthday party was an irrecoverable disaster at the Amsterdam Rhino.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More vacation time.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
“Don’t leave the house in that”.

34. What kept you sane?
My friends, sucking it up and keeping up appearances, Gary, hope for the future.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

37. Who do you miss?
So many. The people I worked with at EY (most of them), the people I worked with at ATP, old friends.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The US Presidential Election. Oh, no, wait, it was the Alberta Provincial Election, and I was interviewed on CBC radio about it! I was mighty stirred up about that one!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Clearly it was my boyfriend. But I’m really biased.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
Ever tried, ever failed. No matter. Fail again. Fail better.

Or, believe in yourself and what you can do.

Silver Bells, siiiiilver belllllss....

So it's approximately 9:37 in the a.m., and I am one of the three people of our office of 9 or so that have shown up for work. So far.

The heat is back on, though my toes are pretty cold. Because I was the first coffee hound in this morning, I had the glorious task of putting on the first pot.

I am generally banned from making coffee in this office, after the Edmonton Fundraiser Java from the Darkest Depths of Hell incident. But bwaha! I'm here, you're not, the coffee's strong, hahahahaha.

Yep, a little punchy this morning. Clearly need to stop with the sugar cookies for breakfast.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

At least one-third Elf

Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Ho ho! I did get sent home early from work this morning. And what did I do with my day? I busted out my best Ms. Claus, tied on my super-cute frilly apron and shopped, baked, wrapped and baked again.

24 mini cherry cheesecakes (btw, what DOES one do with half a can of cherry pie filling?), 3 dozen sugar cookies, 9 wrapped gifts, one Christmas CD (repeated twice) and hundreds of sprinkles later, CHRISTMAS HAS ARRIVED!

Basking in the warmth of the space heater, it occurred to me that Christmas is but a week and a day away, and I am finally in a festive mood.

But it also occurred to me, as I was rolling out the cookie dough that had stuck to the friggin' counter, again, that there are about a zillion skills that my mother (and every other mother on the planet) seems to have, that I totally lack.

Now, I am not sounding any alarm bells, relations, parents and boyfriend please don't freak out, for I am not having childrens today nor anytime soon...but holy crap, there's a lot of stuff I've got to learn, STAT.

Is there a secret book? Is there like, a Mom Manual that arrives care of the Stork, dropped off at my door 6 weeks before the little bundle of joy arrives, that explains how to do EVERYTHING?

Because I am seriously going to need it.

In 5 years.

Or so.

Not that I have a timeline.

Or anything.


Cookies, anyone?

It's getting cold in hurr


So, day two of no heat in my office.

At least today we have running water. (Currently). Thank god for hot coffee and new, fuzzy-lined winter boots, because otherwise I would be a Meganscicle.

We'll see if today the powers-that-sign-my-paycheque let us go home or not. Yesterday I got two solid hours of Christmas shopping in at Best Buy, Future Shop, Superstore and Linens and Things. I'm all but finished- just a few tiny things to pick up, and I'm done!

Huzzah, for off-peak hour unexpected festive spending!

Monday, December 15, 2008


Monday, December 15, 2008
Well, I tried. I had been doing so well, updating in the morning, et cetera.

But the Friday Funk became the Sunday Blues, which then turned into the Monday I don't wanna be heres.

I got nothin', blogosphere. I have no witty stories, no bon mots, no rants. I've just got a cold cup of coffee, low water pressure as a result of frozen pipes in our office building, and the desire to curl up into a ball and come out again in April.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Friday, December 12, 2008
I'm sitting here watching the snow start to fall out my new window with its ugly view. That really has nothing to do with what I want to write about, but I can't figure out a way to start this that isn't "why do you hate me?".

My feelings are really hurt. And you know what, for some deluded reason, I feel like I'm too old to have feelings that are hurt. I'm old enough to just suck it up and move on. Be the bigger person, as it were.

But I honestly feel like I'm seven years old, sitting on the ground in the corner of the playground, wondering why the other kids don't want to play with me.

I think that my biggest character flaw is that I just want everyone to like me.

This is impossible, and I know this- because I certainly don't like everyone. But I try. I try to like everyone. I try to find something redeeming in impossible people. I try really damn hard!

So why do some people have to be so mean?

I hate being an adult. I want my mom.

Things I swore I'd never do, but did

Last night was Gary's Christmas party, and for those of you interested in how my wardrobe decision played out, I decided to wear the purple top and black skirt that I already had hanging in my closet. I bought that skirt probably 7 or 8 years ago. You have served me well, oh black pencil skirt that apparently never goes out of style and fits regardless of how many crave cupcakes I've eaten that week (ONE).

I decided that because I didn't purchase the $39 new dress, I'd splurge and go get my hair cut and styled.

Yeah, I splurged.

The $15 Great Clips special.

My soul hurts. I didn't buy a new outfit, new shoes, new lipstick...and I spent less than a twenty on a haircut. AT GREAT CLIPS.

What have I become? When did this happen? And who knew, when you're really only trimming at most a centimetre off the end of your hair- it doesn't matter if you spend $80 (like I normally do) or the equivalent of three coffees at Starbucks.

This is the least fun part of being a grown up lady.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A little pre-emptive

Thursday, December 11, 2008
Most of you probably already know that I'm moving in March, but if you didn't:

I'm moving in March.

Not anywhere all that exciting, just across the river. No sweat.

At the beginning of the week, I inquired with our receptionist about what happens to the boxes we get our reams and reams and reams of paper in. They're perfect moving boxes- they have handles and lids and are sturdily built, but not too large. She told me that I could have them, and I said awesome, I'll put some aside and take them when the time comes.

Nope, I just turned around to find 14 boxes stacked behind my desk for me to take home today.

I guess this means I can start packing?

My roommate is totally going to freak out. Sarah, don't freak out. Just because I boxed up all my belongings two months early does not mean that I'm leaving you before our predetermined date.

Things I love about Christmas

The smell of my mom's house. Also, the smell of Grandma Olga's house.
Magi's turbans, this awesome cookie my mom makes with a gingersnap base and a hershey's chocolate hug on top. Yum.
Reading Christmas cards and letters from family and friends, including my crazy great aunts. They always make for entertaining reading.
Wrapping presents.
Hiding while my mom wraps presents, including her yelling something along the lines of "Don't come in, I'm wrapping presents!". Every single year she does this, and I love it.
Stocking stuffers- give this girl a small margarine tub of dry froot loops and she's happy.
That first hug after/while coming through the door.
Crazy Bailey Outdoor Hijinks- be it midnight walks, shinny on an outdoor rink, a family curling bonspiel or just a snowball fight in the parking lot of a Denny's.

I had a rough day yesterday, and today I'm trying to focus on things that make me happy. Sorry for the sap, but I need to pull through (yet again) or I'll spend the day silently crying at my desk (yet again).

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My new view

Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I used to look out my office window and see a lovely park and an old sandstone school.

Then they fenced the park, tore up the grass and trees and dug a giant pit. I had the pleasure of construction site sounds and dust all day long.

But now I've moved across the office and what do I see?

I look out on 8th street. Into a dodgy Best Western alley. And currently, directly in my line of vision is an overflowing garbage can.

Exactly the inspiration I need on a cold, sluggish Wednesday. Hopefully that trash receptacle full of coffee cups and muffin wrappers and yesterday's paper will give me the creative spark I require to write thank you cards to sponsors, volunteers and fundraising run participants.



Also, up for debate: what should I wear to the Christmas party on Thursday?

-go buy that dress from Reitmans, it's on super sale and you'll definitely wear it again
-wear the dress you already own, it's not seasonally appropriate and has a hole in it, but seriously, is anyone going to notice?
-pull out last year's snazzy purple velour top and a black skirt, it's festive enough
-fuzzy bathrobe

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Dear New Neighbour

Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Welcome to our wonderful community!

You will find many amenities here: coffee, coffee, fine cheeses, expensive chocolates, ye olde pubbes, yoga wear imported from Vancouver, tchotchkes from across the globe (including...gasp...Nunavut!) and even gourmet cupcakes!

I sincerely hope that you find the residents here welcoming, friendly and warm.

What you may not find, however, is that running on your treadmill in your new picture window at 5:30 pm in just your underwear is all that appreciated. I definitely understand your desire to be fit, however, exposing your wobbly beer belly to the entire neighbourhood while they are on their way home to MAKE DINNER may not be the best idea in the universe.

Hugs and Kisses (but not too close because you look really sweaty),


Monday, December 08, 2008

I continue to shame myself in public

Monday, December 08, 2008
Carring a fake potted palm tree, I stroll into the office supply room. In a festive mood, I am silently, in my head, singing "You're a mean one, Mister Grinch", when I open the stationary supply closet to find a new spiral bound notebook.

As the song in my head reaches the climax of the chorus, I do a little hip wiggle and close the closet door. Turning around, I spy my coworker keeled over in half, leaning on the photocopier for support, red in the face and doing that painful tears in the eyes silent laugh.

Apparently I belted out in my best Boris Karloff imitation, "MISTER GRIIIIIIIINCH" while I was head into the supply closet.

Why do I ALWAYS do this? Is there anyone else on the planet that sometimes doesn't realize that they're not, in fact, using their Inside My Head voice?!

My coworker is still trying to hold back the laughter.

Clocking in late

This weekend over hashbrowns at Dennys, it was requested that I change my posting schedule.

I'm now asked to post before 10:00 am, and at least twice a day.

Man, there is going to be a lot of blog filler in the next few days, until something interesting happens to me...

So would you believe that I spent two days shopping with my mom and only bought ONE Christmas present? And even more shocking- I didn't buy a single thing for myself?

Two days, two malls, one trip to ikea, discovering that 30 white galvanized tin lanterns actually DO fit in my trunk, losing my car in the parking lot only one time (but the time that we were carrying out the box of 30 lanterns...), countless renditions of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas", one awesome giant heavy snowfall, and not enough caffeine. Sounds like holiday shopping to me!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Cookies and snowflakes and mittens and shopping

Thursday, December 04, 2008
That's what I'm doing this weekend.

I'm taking tomorrow of in lieu (god, I love the way those words sound) and so I have a surprise December Long Weekend ahead of me. I plan to snuggle in tonight after book club and then spend the weekend brimming with holiday joy.

Or, in the words of my coworker: "That's right, bitches. It's Christmas"

I am going to be so despicably happy this weekend that my parents, my brother (hey, Sibbie!) and my boyfriend are going to want to SLAP me.

Slap me with holiday cheer.

But first: I must conquer the parking lot at Chinook Centre. SHOPPING SUIT UP!


Dang, it is cold outside. I think that if it's going to be -15, at least we should have snow. It's such a drag to get out of bed in the morning, look outside, observe that it's sunny and the streets are dry, and then skip through the door to be blasted with an arctic chill. There is not enough chapstic (or anti-frizz cream) in the world for this climate.

So hey, I'm taking tomorrow off. Hurrah, a visit with my parents involving a Saturday trip to Chinook Centre, an adventure I am afraid of, but less so now that I own a car with nimble parking prowess. Fingers crossed that I get my mileage reimbursement and can go hog wild buying awesome gifts, possibly at petland, potentially involving a box.

This is a boring blog post and I apologize. It's the first thing in the morning. The caffeine hasn't kicked in yet. What do you expect? Have you ever seen me in the morning? I take about an hour to warm up.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Santa Baby...

Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Dear Santa,

Wow. A whole year has passed! Look at that. And here we are, in 2008, and I am finally not starting this letter with, "Dear Santa, all I really want is *cue the music* Somebody to Love. And a pony. Hugs and kisses, Megan. PS- please make sure to poke holes in the box so my new rockstar boyfriend can breathe. And the pony."

Nope, this year, I've got pretty much everything a girl could want. I've got a sweet house with heating that is mostly inconsistent, enough tide-to-go pens to last me a lifetime, a new toothbrush (Thanks, Dentist!) and a boyfriend who isn't a rock star, but didn't ditch me the one time I accidentally called him Sugar Bear at a cocktail party my friends were having. Ooops!

So because I've been so fortunate in 2008 to have great friends and amazing family and found sappy sap sap sap, sap sap saaaap sap sap outrageous happiness with Somebody to Love (*cue music- what, too much?*), I'm going to dictate a list that is full of stuff I have absolutely no honest belief of ever recieving, unless someone hits the jackpot/SURPRISE! finds themselves to be old money/does some serious crimes.

And so, for your perusal, my I Was Super Nice in 2008, No Honestly, I Swear, I Only Was Mean To My Brother Once wish list:

-A new macbook
-A trip to Fiji
-A pair of Manolos to call my own
-A spa visit a week for the rest of my life
-one hundred million dollars, in small bills
-an indoor pool, empty, so I can place said bills in and roll in them ala Scrooge McDuck
-A box of puppies
-The penthouse in the Stella condo building
-A box of puppies
-A private jet, plus fuel for the year
-A sephora gift card, worth about $30.

Thanks, Santa!

Hugs and Kisses,


Monday, December 01, 2008

To-Do: A list

Monday, December 01, 2008
-Buy stamps. Lots of stamps.
-Acquire the mailing addresses of loved ones and friends from far and wide. (Hint: If I love you, send me your mailing address)
-Write Christmas cards. Assume that the Megan section in the annual Bailey Family Christmas Letter my mom wrote omitted the months between February and May, and hope for the best.
-Buy box of puppies, wrap, and give to self for eary Christmas gift
-Buy socks.
-Do laundry. LOTS Of laundry.
-Aim to avoid deathly illness going around.
-Make Christmas Cookies to be consumed with copious amounts of Soy Nog.
-Watch Love Actually while eating butter chicken.
-Attempt to find THE PERFECT GIFT for the following people: Mom, Dad (x2- Decemberbirthdaygrumblecakes), Al, Grandma C, my roommate, Gary (perhaps a box of puppies?), my new boss, my old boss, my boyfriend's mom and my many many friends.
-Contemplate MAKING gifts for my many many friends.
-Determine that launching a giant DIY project 24 days out from the holiday is but a fool's errand.
-Attempt to find THE PERFECT GIFT for my many many friends.
-Adjudicate a western play. Yee. Haw.
-Actually get said adjudication in on time.
-Come up with an appropriate list of New Year's Resolutions. Think SMART resolutions. (you know- something, measurable, attainable, realistic, something...)
-Avoid eating all the Turtles currently sitting in the break room.
-Go eat a Turtle.