Monday, February 02, 2009

Misadventures in the Parking Garage

Monday, February 02, 2009
This weekend I was uber productive.

I did 4 loads of laundry, hosted people for dinner, cleaned out the final dregs of stuff living in my old house, took 2 trips to the recycling centre, dropped a microwave off at Amanda's, and donated some 9 garbage bags and 6 boxes of stuff to Goodwill.

I win at life.

I also signed up for the underground parking in our building.

To do this, I needed to go to the Impark office. I snuck in right before they closed, signed my life away, and recieved 1 (one) shiny yellow parking pass to hang, SHINY YELLOW SIDE OUT from my rear-view mirror, and 1 (one) scan card allowing me access to the secured section of our lot and ONLY our lot.

It seemed simple enough. Drive into garage. Roll down window. Scan card. Garage door opens, drive car into garage. Park.

Done and done.

Then, what I thought was the final hurdle:

Enter apartment building.

Obstacle 1.

At this point, I am standing 2 floors below ground, in the parking lot, with a key fob that won't let me into my apartment building. I determine that there must be a way out of the parking garage. I tried 3 doors, winding my way from the west side to the east side of the lot, from P3 all the way down (?) to P1, and back. I finally find a sign that says Exit that doesn't require a properly coded fob, and I am liberated!

Fresh air and sunlight!

Obstacle 2.

I go to the rental office to inform them of my parking pass purchasing, and ask that they re-code my fob so I can enter the building from the parkade.

It is Friday.

Delores, the woman, the ONLY WOMAN, who can re-code fobs? Well. She won't be in until Monday.

Can't I live without my car until Monday? They ask.

Well, sure. Except that my car is FULL OF GROCERIES.

Can't I just use the scan card to open the garage door?

Well, sure. Except that my car is LOCKED in the parkade, because I left the scan card in the car, because THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE I'LL USE IT, HENCE WHERE I NEED TO KEEP IT.

Hmmm.

I make it out of there on Friday afternoon with the building manager's master fob. Hurdles surmounted.

Right?

Obstacle 3.

I go back into the apartment building using the master fob. Easy.

I attempt to find where to enter the Parking Garage.

IMPOSSIBLE.

Because unlike NORMAL apartment buildings, you don't just hit "Basement" or "P2" in the elevator. Oh no. You go down to the basement. From there, no sign or arrow or ANY INDICATION OF PARKING is visible.

So this is the part of the story where I find myself opening random, unmarked steel doors in the basement of my new apartment building.

I opened several doors. However, not knowing which ones would lock behind me, I found myself stretched out, holding the door I just passed through with my left arm, while opening the next door with my right.

Eventually, I had gone down 2 flights of stairs and found myself in a dimly lit concrete box.

My only thought?

I am going to die here.


Or.


Get raped here.


And no one will EVER find me.



I opened the next door. The sound of rushing water.


Oh, great. You know what's on the other side of that door? I thought?


SHARKS.


I'm going to die here. And get raped. BY SHARKS.



Thankfully, for all of us, not least of us me, what was on the other side of that door?



My car.

2 comments:

PatZ said...

will they have laser beams attached to their heads?

Anonymous said...

hahaha. I love it! My worst case scenarios often involve sharks also. Those damn sharks...they'll sneak up on you in the darndest places.

Carmen P