Tuesday, March 31, 2009

One week and counting: the Quarter Life Crisis begins

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
There's this scene in the Sex and the City movie where Miranda, after discovering that Steve has had an affair, states - "I moved to Brooklyn for you."

I believe that she then slams the door, but it's been almost a year since I've seen it, despite the fact that it sits on the shelf in pretty bluray extended cut packaging. Someone in our home needs to watch the full 6 seasons of the TV show before I'll let him know what happens at the end. You can't just jump right in- you need to really feeeeel that Carrie/Big relationship.

But I digress.

Miranda's point up there- that's one of my big fears. That's right, I have fears, and I don't like to talk about them, but heck, I don't need to- I can blog it out.

Losing my self- or my sense of self- is a huge concern to me. Whether it's through my work, my friends, my hobbies or my relationship, I trip that line of forgetting who I am every single day. And it's a slippery slope. The things I swore I'd never do, I find myself doing without a second thought (ordering a soy latte?).

I make light of it, but it's a serious concern of mine.

I'm young enough to have not quite figured out who I am and to still care about it. I'm sure that my journey of self-discovery (barf) will continue for the rest of my life. I'm not sure that I'll ever know who I am, and I don't live in a vacuum. People grow. They change. They shift. They do it as a result of external forces. For internal purposes. For spiritual reasons they might not understand.

But I am afraid of losing sight of who I am.

Or, more accurately, that ideal version of who I'd like to be. And that person, ideally, will never slam the door in my partner's face and scream something like, "I left my 3 bedroom house in Kensington for you!"

Because I'll admit, that place, after all, was kind of shifty and quite lonely.


Abbey Shaw said...

I would've taken that three bedroom house in Kensington from you in a heartbeat.. just a thought.

I like this entry a lot. You can be a couple without completely molding to the other.. it's why it's called a "couple".
I like this.