Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Same ending

Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A few years ago I bought a book called Pretty Little Mistakes. It's a choose-your-own-adventure story for adults- this fascinated me, because I loved those books as a kid. I trot it out every couple months when I'm looking for something to kill time, but don't want to invest in a novel.

Last night I was at a photo shoot and flipping through the book. The back cover tells me that over 150 different endings are possible, and to be choose wisely. Horrible things happen in this story, but great plot lines exist, too.

Every single time I've read this book, every single decision I've made- from whether to go to art school or travel Europe, get married, join a cult, kill my rapist or have a Lesbian affair- the end is always the same:

I die.

Lately I've been struggling with decision making. I am capable of making decisions. I'm quite good at it, actually. But recent events at work and play make me doubt myself and my judgment. I've wavered back and forth, concerned that I'm not doing the right thing, or that I thought I'd done the right thing but it's now become apparent that it is in fact, the wrong thing. I'm losing sleep over the small choices, because I believe it's never one big mistake that causes life to go awry, but a string of small bad decisions.

But hell. If no matter what I decide to do, I'm going to die at the end of the story- why sweat the details?


Marisa said...

I love this, because I love it, but also because it took me just a second to go, "OH, I get it!"

Meg said...

Thanks :)

Sterling Lynch said...

It's true. Stay positive, make the best choices possible given the circumstances, and adapt as those circumstances change.

Don't worry, be happy! Now, try to get that song out of your head. :)