I feel like I'm in one of those holiday movies where they flash a constant countdown across the screen. Today I woke up with a "Four Days Until Christmas" in nice red font running across my imaginary screen.
The moral of every holiday movie is the same - cheer, goodwill, blah blah blah, love, kindness, etc. I keep thinking that I'll come around, that I'll wake up on Christmas morning, look out the window at the quiet world blanketed with snow, and be filled with joy.
But after bursting out into tears in the parking lot at Denny's while wishing my parents a Merry Christmas/safe drive, it seems unlikely.
I've been completely unfair to my boyfriend, who is a lovely person who volunteered to go to Fountain Tire, purchase and have winter tires installed, and then walk back to work AND walk back to Fountain Tire to pick up *my* car.
(I'm a bit bummed that all the money I have in the world right now, including my christmas money from my grandmas and my parents, is going to pay for stupid snow tires instead of a netbook and new lip gloss, but at least we won't die (hopefully) while attempting to cross through two mountain passes in BC on Thursday.)
But I've been a total Grinch. I've been in/on the verge of tears for a week, and I keep saying some variation of "Christmas SUCKS." Poor Gary is super excited for us to spend our first Christmas at his Mom's house, together, and I'm ruining it.
I don't know how to suck it up and deal and get over myself and smile, so I've decided that I'm going to cry my little eyes out in the bathroom all I want, but then I'm going to put my big girl santa pants on and try to be merry.
Though honestly...the only thing worse than NOT being Merry is TRYING to be Merry when you are most definitely not.
1 day ago