Monday, October 18, 2010

On Dan Humphrey

Monday, October 18, 2010
Recently I have become somewhat obsessed with watching old episodes of Gossip Girl. I am sort of ashamed that I enjoy a show about outrageously privileged teenagers so much, but the truth is - I don't think this is a show about teenagers FOR teenagers. Like the film 'Easy A', this is a show about teenagers for people who USED to be teenagers. And now either want to re-live their glory days or chuckle inwardly about the hilarity of their mistakes.

Case in point, one Dan 'Lonely Boy' Humphrey.

Dan Humphrey is 2002 Megan's IDEAL boy. He's sensitive. He's dark and gangly. His dad is a former rockstar who now is somehow associated with a gallery. He has a good relationship with his sister. He's sensitive. He's a poet. He's non-threatening, because... He's probably gay.

See? Ideal.

But the problem with 2002 Megan's (and 2004 Megan, and 2005 Megan, 2006 Megan, and even early 2007 Megan) Ideal Boyfriend is, aside from the fact that he probably is gay, is that he is a DOUCHE.

Lonely Boy up there is going to suck 2002 Megan DRY. He's going to be all tortured and soulful and look at her with those puppy-dog eyes, and he's going to write long, wistful poems and short stories for her and about her, and gaaahd, 2002 Megan is going to love it.

Until he sleeps with her former best friend/current nemesis EVEN THOUGH he told you he thought that sex was SPECIAL (obvs. just to get into her pants) and then she realizes that he copied all of his stupid poems word-for-word from the works of an author who ISN'T EVEN OBSCURE. Douche.

But he talks about things other than hockey and boobs. He really seems to care. So she'll let it slide. Again.

Dan Humphrey, and his swoony ways, is what young women who are vaguely uncomfortable in their skin and who are probably just a little bit smarter than most of their high school friends but aren't comfortable with that either THINK they want.

Thank god most of them come to their senses. The other ones, might take them some time but they'll get there eventually. Even if it means watching Teen Soap Operas in their spare time to help them figure shit out.


Marisa said...

You and I? We could be very good friends. Very good. The kind of good that would mean that we'd sit around and make fun of people and be in our own little world and everyone would hate us.

Should we? Let's be besties!

(Seriously, I love your posts. They're so savvy and hilariously accurate. I don't always comment because I'm reading on my reader, but know that I'm loving them. Yes, I'm asking you to post just to make me, some internet person you've never met, happy.)

Meg said...

That is my favourite kind of friendship, indeed.

Gary said...

Oh my Megan, because you love your Gossip Girl so much I will have season three for you when you finish season two.

bre said...

Your gaydar was seriously broken for a while there... and also, I <3 Gossip Girl and all shows meant for teens... such is life. :)

Meg said...

I still maintain that my busted gaydar helped me learn some of the most important lessons in life, like what colour socks to wear with dress shoes, what wine to buy when you're broke but want to impress people, and how it's actually okay to be friends with a boy who doesn't want to get in your pants.

In fact, I prefer friendships with boys who don't want to get in my pants.