Friday, November 26, 2010

I am lame

Friday, November 26, 2010
So....someone forgot their laptop charging cable in a Travelodge in Southern California and as such, has limited access to a computer outside of office hours. I can crash Gary's Command Centre if I can manage to tear his attention away from his excrutiatingly complex battlefield star neptune calculating space commanders game, but that takes trickery.
So for those of you that are anxiously awaiting a gushing Proposal Story, I'm sorry. Call or email me and I'll share all the gory details. Well, the ones I can remember. I was more than a half bottle of Pinot and three martinis in by the time Gary got down on one knee. Nothin' but class.
At any rate, I have recently realized that I am a super lame-o homebody. I have a friend's birthday party to go to this evening, and it's ON THE STREET WE LIVE ON, and I really just want to go home and put on some polar fleece and eat takeout and watch old episodes of Gossip Girl.
But no. No, I will not do that. I will sack up in something other than fleecy delights and go to the party. Even if it means an awkward encounter with someone I dated briefly seconds before I met Gary that I used the 'I'm TOTALLY not ready for a relationship but I swear I'll call you when the time comes' line on.

Monday, November 22, 2010

The short version

Monday, November 22, 2010

He asked. I said yes. Cue the happily ever after.

(Wait. Now I have to plan a wedding...yikes!)!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Fears, Passion.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The other day I was sitting at my desk, thinking. I do this a lot, but usually they are thoughts of the should I use a comma here or why isn't that centre aligned variety.

I was sitting there, drinking a tea, staring at nothing, and thinking about how long it's been since I was truly, mind-blowingly passionate about something.

I love my job. I love what I do, I believe in what our organization does and aims to achieve. I love my boss, my coworkers, and the tasks on my to do list.

I have hobbies I enjoy, I'm working hard to lose weight and love myself, and I'm in love with someone pretty cool, who shares my "atrocious taste in TV" and doesn't mind that my idea of fun on a Tuesday is sitting on the couch in my pj's, reading smutty books or watching BBC Sci-fi about a Vampire, a Werewolf and a Ghost that live in a house together.

It's actually pretty simple to keep me happy, when I admit to myself that despite pressure I feel from god knows where (my friends? some belief I have about what life should be like when you're 26? I don't know), going to the bar or a party every night would (and has) left me feeling empty. Like a dead battery.

But it's been awhile since I felt aflame with passion for something - until I started NaNoWriMo.

It's a novel-writing contest. There are no prizes, only bragging rights. Write 50,000 words in November - as simple as that.

So I sit at my laptop and churn out word after word. I'm doing quite well, past the 10K mark that usually freaks me out.

But last night I couldn't do it. I couldn't get past the idea that what I was writing was a giant piece of wasted time and energy. That all this effort was ever going to amount to was pages and pages of crap.

I guess that's the point. First drafts are crappy. I've never written a novel before.

You know when you think about what type of work would make you truly happy? I am happy at my job, but when I imagine my fantasy world, I'm always a writer. A novelist. I work from home, or from cafes, going to meetings, eavesdropping in line at the grocery store and turning those interactions into minor characters. I dream about going to bookshops and watching as people flip through something I created, out of nothing. I dream about wearing big thick sweaters and working late into the night in a fit of creative spark and drinking lots of tea.

But I am so scared. I'm scared that I'm actually doing it now, I'm writing a book, and it is awful, and in 30 days and 50,000 words, that dream up there will be gone forever.

And then what will I do?

Monday, November 08, 2010

On a Boat

Monday, November 08, 2010
We're going on vacation in exactly ten days, and it's about the only thing pulling me through Headache: Day 7, The Pain Never Ends.

We're staying on the Queen Mary.

We're going to eat mexican food.

We're going to go to an aquarium.

We're going to not be in Calgary.