Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Not everyone wants to be in your weddding party - specifically, me.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I have a very strong opinion about wedding parties. The people who stand up for you at your wedding have an important role to play. And it's not just wearing an unflattering outfit, shelling out mega cash to cater to your every whim and re-scheduling their lives to accommodate multiple wedding-centric parties, events and outings.

They are there to offer support for the marriage of the bride and the groom, in the days leading up to the wedding and the days after. These are the people you chose to stand beside you and proclaim, "we support this union! we will do everything we can to ensure it is successful - today, tomorrow and fifty years from now."

These are the people who will take the vodka bottle away from you, stop you from making out with that cowboy and pour you into a taxi three days before the ceremony when you've got the cold feet.

Heavy shit, right?

So if you don't believe a couple should get married, gracefully pass on that bridesmaid invitation. If you are unwilling to shoulder that burden, say no thanks. If you are still trying to set the bride/groom up with your hot cousin...then you know where I'm going with this.

Just say no.

And furthermore - being a bridesmaid is NOT FUN.

I don't know what crazy romance novel/wacky girlie bonding movie kool-aid we've all been drinking. Sure, it has it's moments - including being privy to the dirt and details of wedding planning. Having a seat of honour. Being recognized as someone so important to the bride and groom that they've asked you to play a role in the first day of their married lives.

But dudes.

Not always fun.

I didn't ask a lot of my close friends to be in our bridal party. I considered their lives, if they might have significant life events or other important things happening to them in the coming year. Do they live across the country? Are they planning a baby for roughly next year? Do they have demanding lives, short budgets and too many other things going on?

Then I thought about whether they'd be the person urging me to divorce the lug once and for all five years from now when the baby hasn't stopped crying for three days and my spouse made an idiotic comment about my penchant for yoga pants, or if they'd laugh with me and help me through it.

Young brides often think that their friends would be offended if they weren't asked to be bridesmaids.

I'm not exactly a young bride, and I was more concerned about the friends and family I'd be inconveniencing if I did ask. Which might have been presumptuous, but is it not more presumptuous to ask you to take off a few weeks, buy an expensive dress, dance with my future brother-in-law (you know, with the hypothetical odour issue?) get your hair done, fly across the world and spend a week helping me heat emboss a hundred and fifty place cards?

And while we're on the subject, I'm also hoping, DEAR LORD PLEASE, that my days of being a bridesmaid are OVER. Finito. Caput. The end.

Because I'm done. After spending all day Saturday searching for the right dress with the Bride, her mother, and her sister - who, uh, happens to by my fiance's ex girlfriend because I lacked the ability to say, gee, thanks, I'm honoured, but no thanks- I'm DONE. Call someone else. Because I love you all, really I do, but honest to god, the next person who asks me to don the chiffon is getting a kick to the head.


Dana said...

In the event that I were to hitch my wagon to someone, you would not be asked to be my bridesmaid. Because I like you.

bre said...

My wedding party is fun I think? We typically follow or precede any event with a healthy amount of wine.
I do definitely agree though that these are people that should support you in your marriage and they should be honest about whether that's something they should do.

Meg said...

Bre - I do believe your wedding party is fun, but mostly because I know you and I know that you don't have expectations of indentured servitude and magical disney princess fantasies. I also think you are a fun person, ergo, fun to be around in all situations :)

Jenna said...

Having been in two wedding parties, and one to come this summer, I'm with you. I'm not super honored. Can I just show up, wish you congrats, and send you on your way?

Kait said...

Things would have been a lot easier if the people I had chosen to be my bridesmaids had declined my invitation. All it would have taken was a simple “No, thank you,” but instead I dealt with a lot of wedding-bashing and passive-aggressive disappearing acts. My co-worker and very good friend came wedding dress shopping with me because my bridesmaids were MIA. When I had to shop for a second dress thanks to a seamstress nightmare, my Mom helped me find the new dress of my dreams. My sister-in-law planned an impromptu “ladies-day-trip” to the mountains because she was shocked that my bridesmaids hadn’t planned anything, meanwhile my husband had an all-expense paid chalet booked for three days with 10 of his friends. My Mom planned, paid for, and catered my bridal shower, which was held at my house because my bridesmaids were once again, MIA on the whole matter. One of my bridesmaids didn’t even get us a card for our wedding nor my shower. My bridesmaids arrived late to my wedding after all of the guests arrived and were seated. While, I am grateful that they did show up for the day, pay for their dress, hair, and makeup – somehow I think it could have been a little bit easier. So yes, bridesmaids out there who feel that you cannot make that kind of commitment to be a part of your friends day, just….say….no. I would do anything for my friends even if it means they have expectations of indentured servitude and magical disney princess fantasies -- you can quote me on that. Your friends only get married once and that’s just what friends do.

Meg said...

Kait - see, this is what happens when people don't just say no - someone always gets hurt. It really sucks that you had a bad experience, but I've no doubts that you learned A TON about it so when someone asks you, you'll know to either gracefully decline, or go balls out for your friends.

Kait said...

Exactly, there would have been momentary confusion on my end but then I would totally understand and then find another friend who was interested! :)