I have not been feeling so awesome about the State of Meganness lately.
It's been a long, long time since I felt pretty. Genuine, 'check me out, I'm hot stuff!' pretty. I'm not fishing for compliments here, I'm just saying. It's been awhile since I've looked at myself in the mirror and been jazzed about what's staring back.
I don't know if it's my short haircut. While chic and low-maintenance and I do get a lot of compliments on, isn't exactly feminine.
I don't know if it's the clothes I'm wearing, that make me feel frumpy and unattractive and so very last season and like I don't fit in my own skin.
It might be the same-same makeup routine I've been practicing since 1998.
It could be that I've been struggling with self-image for a very long time.
Whatever the reasons, it sucks.
We're about a year from our wedding, the one day in a woman's life when she should, without pause or hesitation, feel beautiful. Everyone I know, everyone I've ever known, has looked gorgeous on her wedding day. And I'm sure I will, too.
Except I keep freaking out about it. I don't want to go dress shopping. I don't want to look at pictures of myself. I don't want to feel all the pressure of feeling like I look beautiful and loving myself TIMES ONEHUNDREDTHOUSAND when I really don't.
Maybe I just need some new clothes, a manicure and some lipstick.
How do you make yourself feel pretty, oh so pretty, when really, you feel a bit bilge rat?
2 days ago