Monday, January 02, 2012

another year over, a new one just begun

Monday, January 02, 2012
Tomorrow I have to head back into the office, and I'm so not ready to emerge from my snuggly holiday cocoon.

This is the first year in a very long time that I've had the entire stretch of days between Christmas and New Year's off - totally off, not a "I'll be on-call and check in regularly in case anything comes up" off. Nope. I haven't checked my work email or voicemail and I've even managed to put all thoughts of doomed design projects and bad copy written hastily between appearances at advertiser Christmas parties out of my head.

Except now they're creeping back in.

I'm not ready to go back. I'm pleased to announce that yes, I achieved my goal of being employed in the same place on January 1, 2012 as I was a year earlier, but I'm going to be straight up honest and admit that it really hasn't been easy.

I love where I work, I like my job function and tasks, and most of the people I work with. Emphasis on most. But sometimes, I want to wrap my hands around the throat of my career and squeeze, and shake the last breath out of it, Homer-to-Bart style.

And I don't know what that means.

Five years ago, I would have taken that as a sign that this wasn't the right career for me. And you know, maybe it isn't. Because obviously the right career for me is googling random shit, eating bonbons and memorizing useless trivia, but only a rare few are actually able to do that for a living. But I do like my job, most of the time. I think that it's a good fit for my skills, I'm pretty good at it and I have the right personality for it, and honestly - what else am I going to do with my life?

What I've learned in the last six years, through five jobs, is that it can always be worse. Because you know, I have actually worked in an office where someone wrapped their hands around someone else's throat Homer-style, and it was not pleasant.

I keep that in mind when I want to slap certain people across the face with a chewed-on corncob.

2011 was a big, eventful year, full of mortgages and floods and property tax mix-ups and maternity leave fallout and births and deaths and anniversaries; arguments and concessions, forgiveness and fear and honesty and humility.

2012 is going to be a big year too - but here's hoping that this year, I find a little more pleasure in the routine, find a little more challenge from within, and that maybe this year will be the year I learn to just close my office door, turn on CBC radio 3 and learn to let go of my favourite four little words:

"I told you so."