Wednesday, January 18, 2012

twenty-twelve

Wednesday, January 18, 2012
This morning, standing outside on the cold sidewalk, waiting for the ever-loving bus to arrive, I marvelled at the notion that we're almost three weeks into the year.

On one hand: ALREADY? Where did the time go? What have I done to show for it?

On the other hand: oh my god, it's only been two and a half weeks since the holidays? I feel like crying. And dying. I need another vacation, stat, and Family Day Weekend is still over a month away.

Gary's really big on resolutions and goals and all that stuff. I'll admit that I'm feeling kind of lost this year. 2012 is a big one. We're getting married. I'm changing my last name. We're renovating our condo. We want to start a family, and sooner rather than later - but possibly not this year. I'm turning 28, which was kind of the year in my head where I guess I'd have it all figured out.

On paper I do have it figured out. See above paragraph. But in my head? Oh, not so much.

I understand now why people set goals at the beginning of January. It's not just the metaphorical clean sheet of life - it's because it's really dang hard to make it through January without a real sense of purpose.

When Gary asked me what my resolutions were, the look of expectation and anticipation and straight-up-pure-joy (seriously, the man loves setting and realizing goals. It's what drives him!) made me feel somewhat guilty, so I muttered something about losing weight and eating more vegetarian food and finishing revisions on my novel and getting it ready to submit for publication.

And then I promptly forgot that I said I was going to do those things and kept eating cheesies and surfing the internet.

But now I've realized that not putting any actual, measurable, specific goals down on paper has kind of screwed me over, and I've drifted through the last three weeks without really knowing what the eff was going on. I've watched Gary head to the gym while I head to the cough meds and the couch. I've aimlessly opened, then closed, then opened again the manuscript file on my computer. And I've made a few lists of things we have to do in advance of the wedding and then lost them.

I need some direction. Anyone else out there with me? Is it too late? Can I make January 21st Resolutions?

1 comments:

Mich said...

who says resolutions have to start on Jan 1? Why cant they start or Feb 1? Or hell, why not Jan 23?

they are your goals or resolutions. you start them whenever you feel the kick start to!